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I'm posting this because I feel so lost and I am struggling to connect with those around me, I just do t feel they get where I am at and I was hoping there might be someone out there that might get what I'm going through.

I'm 35 and my wife of 10 years has just told me she is no longer in love with me and has felt this way for a while. I made the decision to move out hoping that some time apart might change things. But after 2 months we are in the same place we were 2 mo tha ago.

My family seems to resent my presence and don't understand that I still love her and I cant just let her go. I just feel the one person I have found in my life who really gets me and makes me feel whole and safe is gone, and now everyone around me expects me to move on and not think about it.

I still love her and wish that she would call me and ask for us to back to the way it was. I just can't let her go, not yet. But everyone wants me to move forward, they don't like who I am now and want me to be back to my happy self, little can they realise that I can't be that person because i am truly lost without her.

I am adrift and am not sure where my life is ment to go from here.

4 Replies 4

Community Member

Hi Rowan85,

Feeling lost is definitely understandable at this time and struggling to connect can be difficult when you are going through tough times. At this time, I imagine you would be feeling grief after spending lengthy time with a companion, someone you turned to through all of life's ups and downs and I can understand this feeling of resisting change.

Whilst your family want you to be your happy old self, it is important to go through a grieving period. It is definitely okay to feel as though you can't let her go. Healing takes time and I would suggest taking it one day at a time. It might also be beneficial to seek support, either peer support or counseling/therapy. They may be able to help unpack what you are feeling and be a source of support.

I wish you well. Take care.

Community Member

Hi Rowan85,

I've been in a similar circumstance in the past, and to be totally honest, there is no 'easy time' to end a relationship or move on, especially after being with someone so long. The feelings you have are a normal, and the acceptance of how you feel is key to feeling a bit better.

What do you fear from this situation unfolding? What do you gain if it is over for good?

Community Member

I'm putting this up more as a way of getting this out there to people who might understand than anything else.

I've been feeling almost numb to everything lately. There are moments like today sitting watching the UFC, where I feel energised and almost feel like myself again. But then afterwards I start to lose that and myself seems to drift away.

I'm drinking more than I used to, and surprisingly the idea of oblivion from alcohol is appealing. At the same time the idea of self-harm is also really appealing.

Is there something wrong with me, I keep trying to find those moments that are ment to make life seem right and make sense, but I can seem to find them, more and more I feel as if I'm slipping into a hole, I can see the sky but no matter what I do I continue to slide down the sides and that future that I thought was there is slipping away.

I'm dont think I'm suffering from depression, rather like in being melodramatic. But I do feel like in losing my grip on how to care for things. Like I'm losing my own personality, like I'm becoming a completely new person.

Gday rowan and sorry to hear about everything.

I will say though family and friends expecting you to move on after only a few mths is just bs. Unfortunately though that's pretty common . Are you living with them or something. l know how hard it is but being on your own right now and taking all the time and yrs you need to do whatever you need to is a far better idea. l actually stayed right away from family for yr after divorce until l was ready. Whenever l did make an effort before l regretted it big time and their total lack of comprehension was just mind boggling, so l cut myself off.

Do what's right for you and in your own time and don't waste your time justifying it to people that don't understand. rx.