lost

[misscc]

Sorry if this is poorly written. My head is all over the place.

Basically, I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months, prior to this relationship we had been close friends. I have had to deal with a lot of stress throughout our relationship whether it had do with university/study stress, family issues, my personal issues. I only feel comfortable to vent to my boyfriend which has caused me to become dependant on him, and i have been struggling to be happy independently. I also am struggling to find solutions to manage my stress. He has been stressed with his studies as well, so as a result we argue a lot and find our selves unhappy. He also feels responsible for me being sad (ex-if i had a bad day at work he would get frustrated if he couldn't put me in a better mood, frustration turned to anger which would result in a fight).We love each other so much and want it to work, however the fighting has caused my boyfriend to not feel 'in love with e'and doesn't feel as close to me but he still loves me, i understand this. Therefore we have decided to seperate to sort through our personal issues, so we can work things out. We both feel positive that things will work out as we've been so happy together in the past, before the personal issues got out of hand. My family life is a bit unstable and i have always had constant feelings of unhappiness before i met my partner, I'm just not coping and miss him a lot.

Im in the process of trying to organise to talk to a councillor when i have the time to, but does anyone have tips to learn how to stop being so dependant and stressed? also how to deal with a separation and feelings of rejection?

Thank you in advance 🙂

[PamelaR]

Hello Misscc

Awww tough times you are going through. I'd like to welcome you to Beyond Blue (BB) forums where you'll find the people who respond to you are supportive and caring.

Relationships can be so difficult at times. So much so, that even after being married 36 years, my husband and I still have to work at it. That's okay. We're individuals, with our different thoughts, different values, different ways of doing things - and throwing us together can take a good deal of 'work' to make it 'work'. All I can say is if you truly love one another - talk, communicate. It's the only way through, especially when things get tough for various reasons. I can't stress it enough.

You've asked - does anyone have tips to learn how to stop being so dependant and stressed? also how to deal with a separation and feelings of rejection?

Firstly, if you do a google search, you'll find a lot of material out there on how to be independent. Some of the very useful points are:

• Get to know yourself
• Challenge your self beliefs and assumptions
• Become assertive
• Make your own decisions
• Meet your needs
• Learn to soothe yourself.

To manage your stress, again do a google search. Find sites that give you information about - grounding, mindfulness, meditation, exercise, good eating patterns, healthy lifestyle. There are a number of threads on BB forums under staying well for these topics.

Dealing with separation and feelings of rejection are a little more difficult and will require some work with your councillor. These are all hard things to manage, especially when you're young and don't know what's happening. Life can be very good. It's getting over these humps.

Hope you find some of the above useful. Let us know how you get on.

Kind regards

PamelaR