Lost...!

[NomzieG]

G'day all!

December just gone, my Grandmother passed away (my Fathers mother). In the last few to several years, my family on both my Father and Mother's sides have hated and have judged me for who I've become and who my Mother is. My Mother was diagnosed with Bipolar back in 2003 and my Father, he has no mental health problems as far as I know.

I never thought that I would be pushed away and treated as nothing when my Grandmother passes away, I was wrong. Here I am sitting here wondering what went wrong. I thought i would be there everyday helping my Grandmother and supporting her while she was unwell, I was told she was not in a good way a week or 2 before she passed and I did get to stay goodbye which I am happy about. I don't know how true it was but apparently my Grandmother "didn't want a funeral and just wanted to be cremated". Going back under 3 years ago, my uncle passed (my grandmothers son) and I wasn't told and missed his funeral. Maybe this is why they all hate me so much.. I really don't know.

I feel so rejected and not part of the family, mind you I'm the only grandchild.
I'm so upset and hurt. I feel like I have had no support in this time. I always thought i would have that support and love but i was wrong, completely wrong.

Now my Grandmother has passed, I'm literally nothing.. my own father doesn't talk to me and don't get me starting with my mother.
All I want is to have my Grandmother back and to have somewhere to call a home.

[JessF]

Hello Nomzie, I can't imagine the grief you're feeling at the moment, and the hurt at feeling your opportunity to express that grief and share it properly with family has been taken from you. It sounds like your grandmother meant the world to you.

It sounds too like the relationship with your parents and family is complicated and has been for some time. None of this sounds easy to pick through or manage, and where the behaviour of others is concerned, there's little we can do to control it, only how we react to it and ultimately live with it.

To come back toyour grandmother, I wonder if for yourself you can take the time to reflect that would have been provided by a funeral. Is it possible for you to put together your own special memory book with your grandmother, including photos if possible, and your own written memories of what she meant to you. This can be your keepsake of that very loving connection which will remain with you for life, something that arguments and rifts with other family memebrs can never take away from you.

What do you think?

[demonblaster]

NomzieG welcome to BB forums

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss & pain, no one should have to go through that

Just want you to know there are people that care here & you're not alone

Breat idea from Jess about memory book

Allow yourself as long as you need with grieving hun

I really am sorry for your situation

Take care of yourself

[NomzieG]

Hey JessF!

Thank you for your reply and the greatest idea. I will be sure to look into doing something like that. My Grandmother was sure a funny woman and always made me feel loved, one lovely lady gone but never forget to me!

its been so hard to be able to come to terms that she is gone. I'm glad she passed peacefully.

thank you again JessF.