Lost

[wildheart]

Hi Everyone,

Ok deep breath, here goes... I am reaching out to someone, anyone who knows what it is like to feel stuck and lost at the same time.

I am going to be very honest and say that it has been my choices that have put me in my current situation.

I have recently moved into my ex partners house after a years seperation. We got in contact again and he was not doing to well so (relationship breakdown) and I honestly thought I could help him get through his dark time, while dealing with my own darkness, I have been in the house for 2 weeks and I feel so isolated and alone. I dont have anyone to talk to, I am really hoping just to talk to someone, anyone that has been or is going through a similar situation...

[CMF]

Hi Wildheart and welcome,

Loneliness is not fun and i am sorry you are experiencing this. I Know the feeling well so can definitely relate.

So to understand your situation, you moved back in with your ex to help him through a breakup and as company for yourself it sounds? Is he around or does he go out and leave you behind? Is this why you have nobody to talk to and feel isolated? Were you hoping for support from hi or a reconciliation perhaps? Do you have other friends or family that are close by?

Lots of questions i know and you don't have to answer everything, just trying to gain a better understanding to be able to help. Do you have hobbies or interests to get you out and meeting people?

Hope to hear more from you.

cmf

[wildheart]

Hi CMF,

thank you for taking the time to reply, I moved to the town where I am now to be with him about 2 years ago and he left me a year ago to be with someone else. Alot of heartbreak and pain but I decided to stay here and try to make the most of it. It was a very emotionally abusive relationship and when it ended I took some time out for myself and find who i am and what i love doing...when his current relationship ended he got in contact with me to apologise for how our relationship ended,because it was the same negative emotional abuse.. I wanted so badly to forgive him and move forward but being the person I am i felt like I could also help him. All the Intention was there to help and heal but its only bought on all of the pain i experienced when we were together. I still do care for him but i am finding it a real struggling letting go- and freeing myself of him..

[Herms]

Hi Wildheart,

Thanks for sharing. Yeah I'm feeling the same too at the moment. I just moved to my girlfriend's place overseas, I don't have any friends here and I don't even speak the language. I was already feeling isolated to begin with but now it's been only 2 weeks and we've just had our first nasty argument. And I don't even know who to talk to. Worse the things that came up really make me question whether this relationship is worth pursuing. Not a good place to be.

I guess this is where online resources like this can come in handy for folks like us.

Good luck.

[wildheart]

Hi Herms,

yeah i guess it's a safe place to talk about your struggles regardless of what they may be..(hoping so anyway) I'm here to chat if you need someone to talk to..

Wildheart

[Herms]

Thanks Wildheart. Much appreciated.

I'll try to work things out with my girlfriend over the next few days. I'm really unhappy here and I'm feeling homesick. I doubt I will last for another 3 months. So i'll sit down with her to talk about where we are at and whether we should pursue this. Not a convo I'm looking forward to but I reckon it's the best way to go.

How about you? Any breakthrough in your current situation?

Herms

[White_Rose]

Hello Wildheart and welcome.

I am surprised you returned to an emotionally abusive relationship. Unless your ex has been seeing a mental health professional I doubt very much that he will have changed. Maybe this was the reason he asked you to move back into his life. He wants someone to make himself feel secure but your needs are not important to him.

I have heard many women say they stay with their partners because they believe they can help. It's very rarely true. Your ex will be as abusive to you as before once you have settled in. After a year apart from him you have been able to recognise his true colours so why are you going back to him? I think you know it will not work and when he finds a new girl friend, what will happen to you.

The only way your ex will change is when he decides he needs to change. Helping someone is all very well but I think in this case you are expecting too much. You cannot take responsibility for someone else no matter how sorry for them you feel. In this instance it will be you who is hurt and it seems you are being used. Has he started abusing you yet?

You say, I still do care for him but i am finding it a real struggling letting go- and freeing myself of him. How do you expect to get free and heal while you live with him. I really urge you to find somewhere else to live or perhaps return to your family. Do you have a job in this town? It is really important that you look after yourself and not let your ex take you for granted. He says he is sorry for the hurt he has caused you but already you are hurting by being neglected. Please don't let yourself be sucked in by him. Organise yourself to move out to your own place or return home. I think this second option would be better for you.

I would like to continue talking to you so please keep writing in.

Mary