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I will begin by apologising if this is a bit rambling. I've never done this sort of thing before but I'll give it my best shot...
I have three kids (one is older and has left home, 16 and 10). When I first became a father I loved it to no end. I was fully involved, enthusiastic, loving every minute of it and so hopeful for the future. This has changed in recent years where I'm feeling discouraged, disconnected and almost lonely in a way. Whereas we used to do all sorts of things together, my sons now only seem to be interested in video games when we're at home and I feel like it's a real struggle to get them to do anything with me these days. A day can easily go by without saying much to each other other than me telling them to get ready for school or a chore isn't done right. We're always fighting about chores and it's really starting to affect the relationship with them and also my wife. Even small things seem to set me off these days and I'm tired of it. I know my family are too...
I know some of it has to do with my job. I'm now running an office on my own that used to have two other employees so I feel like the world's weight is on my shoulders at work. You'd think I'd look forward to getting away from the office and to going home to be with my family but it just doesn't seem to be that way lately. I really feel like there is a toxic environment at home and I'm just feeling a little lost as to try and figure out a way to turn things around...
Any advice would help. Thanks for listening.
Hi Gor welcome and well done reaching out ☺
I don't have children so my advice will be limited but support you have. It must be awful feeling this way I feel here you'll get some very good input.
There is something tho I might be able to offer is I was wondering how would you feel about learning the video games and participating with your sons giving you a common ground. They are amazing theres a lot of negativity spoken about games but you don't hear the positives so much. Hand eye co coordinating concentration skills acquired intelligence peaked to work out scenarios thought involved learning to name a few.
The other thought is could you suggest family time say for 1 and half hrs once a week without any media, not even TV on mute because its still a distraction. This could be purely for talking, reconnecting and even airing out grievances.
I'm not sure how you feel about counselling which maybe you and your wife might like to go together, apart from release you could get some coping skill ideas and suggestions. A MHCP mental health care plan can be started if you choose this option through seeing your GP with a long appointment.
Work sounds very stressful, do you exercise at all its a fantastic stress release maybe your sons might join you
Also meditation can be very powerful for escaping from pressure and with relaxation. It doesnt have to be complicated to my understanding its about putting yourself mentally in a simple peaceful place eg sitting comfy in front of the ocean sun warming you and being consciously aware of each part of your body relaxing and feeling stress leaving your body, breath enjoy.
A couple of good Ive heard here ph apps are
- Insight timer
- Smiling minds
Thank you for posting and all the best. Hope to hear how you're getting on whenever you feel like talking ☺
Thanks for your reply and you're right about engaging the boys in things they enjoy. I do a little of this but not enough. That is something I need to focus on.
You're also right about work being stressful and it just got 10 times worse. The afternoon of the very day I posted my initial note here my boss came to me and told me that he wants to get out of the business so I need to either purchase the business or be out of a job by the end of the year so it's been a very hard time to say the least. I'm now extremely stressed out and more than a little frightened of the future.
While I weigh up my decision on that front I'll need to work hard on my relationship at home and not let all of this get to me there. I will need a positive home front to handle all of this...
I like your idea about a media-free time where we can all sit down and talk to each other. I think I'll bring that in as soon as I can.
Thanks Gor and for your reply too ☺
I don't know if you're into games. I can't speak highly enough tho haven't played any for yonks but they're actually an amazing escape too which could help with your stress
Phooey doesn't rain it pours aye. My initial thought reading that re work was in an ideal world of course where works available easily that you'd be free of excess stress you're under if you didnt buy in. Also thinking as you're probably aware being in business also carries great burden and stress too but if its a good established ongoing business you'd have less worry on that angle
I feel the fact you're reaching out and making an effort and clearly love your family that you'll find your way ☺
I'm a great believer in time taking us through the hards and into the goods.
Every second we're ahead and looking back on it with hope for the future
Tc take care budz