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Lost, confused, scared, alone and a prisoner in my own mind
Hi, I’m new here, never done this before but finding it really hard to get proper help.
Im a mother of two and suffering from severe depression, panic attacks and agoraphobia.
my partner and I are fighting and have been for a good year to two years but all the fights involve his mum because she is a liar, very selfish and just nasty. No manners at all and if she wants something done it has to be done right away or the emotional blackmail everyone gets just wow.
my partner is not the father of my boys. And all I have asked is for his help to work out what ever his mums problem is but he just wants to bury his head in the sand and ignore and I’m supposed to just put up with it, accept it and move on. Well now his mum has turned the entire family against and I’ve gotten nothing but abuse from them and my partner still doesn’t see the point in stepping up and saying anything.
i was starting to see the light again but now I just feel empty and only see darkness.
we were supposed to be starting fresh forgetting all past arguments etc and for time being until we sort us out I’ve asked that he tells his family especially his mum anything about us and I won’t ask about them. He couldn’t even manage that for one day and is constantly turning it all back on me.
sorry it’s long.
lost and confused, please help!
Hi Holistic Chick,
Welcome to the forums and thank you for joining us. I have no doubt that you'll get some great support here so I want to be a little different in my reply.
I am sorry to hear what you are going through right now. It does not sound easy - despite all these good intentions it seems like this has been going on for a while.
While I was reading your post there was this thing screaming at me - boundaries. It's not fair for you to have to put up with this, and you don't deserve it. I can imagine that a lot of what you're dealing with with your partner's family and the fights is contributing a lot to your depression and the feeling of only seeking darkness. Can I ask if you've thought about boundaries before - what that might look like for you to be more assertive and not accept some of this blackmail? To be able to say no and to not accept the abuse?
I hope this gives you something to think about. This isn't really a warm and supportive reply (which I was hoping to give) but I think I just wanted to really put that out there because I think it will help.
Reading through your post, I get the feeling that you and your partner are fighting two separate battles under the one roof. It could be that neither you, nor your partner, are in a position to help one another.
From what you have said, your partner and his siblings may be struggling with unresolved childhood issues from an abusive mother; she sounds nasty. I'm not trying to make excuses for your partner's behaviour, but there seems to be an underlying family problem at play. Sometimes just understand what's going on can help you through difficult times. Unfortunately, that is a long way from a solution.
You also mentioned that you suffer from depression, panic attacks and agoraphobia. Clearly, your partner's family problems are making things worse for you.
I wish I had a simple solution for you. All I can suggest is go and get some professional help if you have not done so? You can see your local doctor for advice and a possible referral to someone that can help you.
Look after yourself!