Lost and confussed

[Lost78]

Well here goes,

Three weeks ago my partner left while I was at work, she sent a txt saying everything was my fault and she was going. She cut off all ties and by the time I could fly home, she had taken everything from the house she wanted. I had 2 step kids, it was the eldests birthday when she sent the text, I couldnt even say happy birthdday. I have know then for six years.

A couple of weeks previously I had found a couples counsillor for us as I had felt like our connection was strained and lost and wanted to do what I could to have a good relationship. So we went to our single appointments then a couples one. It was tough but the counsillor said it was nothing special we were pretty normal. We had an argument on the way home, she didnt know what she felt and I was upset because we had only just brought a house and she wasnt even willing to try. After things cooled down we decided to try and keep going to the sessions to see how it went.

I went to work and everything seemed ok, we made some plans for my time off and still got txts with i love you in them. Then came that txt and everything changed.

I have had no contact with her and the kids, she blocked me on everything as soon as she sent the text. She just walked away.

I went back to the couples counsillor, phycologist and she was gob smacked that it had happened. All I wanted to do was blame my self but she saw in her clinical opinion that I was a rational adult and my partner had some big issues. I dont understand why someone would just leave like that when their partner is willing to work at it and support her?

I now have lost all contact with my step kids who I love so dearly and miss everyday, however I know I do not have any rights.

I have tried counsilling, being possitive, being active but the pain of not seeing them ever again is so hard. Loosing one relationship is hard but I have lost three and I am sick of being told to get over it, move on and be possitive.

I feel in a very low place..............

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Lost78,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forum. I am glad you have found your way here as it sounds like you have been going through a really tough time. The pain of loss in relationship, especially involving children, can be profound. This would be further amplified when you have not been offered a chance to say goodbye. I am sorry you are in so much pain. You are quite right in feeling fed up with the advise of 'getting over it' and 'moving on' - it has only been three weeks and you had been together for six years. Be kind to yourself and know that grief and loss takes a different length of time for every person to move through and is something that cannot be rushed.

You have taken some great steps in seeking support here on the forum as well as continuing on with your counsellor. I wonder if you have another appointment booked again soon? When you are going through this difficult time, it would be understandable that you would see a health professional or support person more often than usual. I also wonder if you have been able to find the energy to do any hobbies or activities that you enjoy? Or if you have a friend or family member that you feel safe with to discuss how you are feeling?

During a period of loss, finding several different types of support all around you is helpful in the beginning. I know you will find some sanctuary here on the forum. If you are struggling to get to an appointment with your counsellor, there is a program that is free called Mindspot that supports people with low mood and worry which can be accessed from home. You can check it out here at www.mindspot.org

Another option is to contact the Beyond Blue Support Line on 1300 22 4636. Sometimes just talking about your grief can be a relief. We are listening.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn