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I'm sorry you are in this position and I'm sure find the whole thing very painful, confusing and upsetting.
I have read a previous post of yours dealing with your family situation and I guess looking from the outside you are trying to deal with two people over whom you have no great influence.
The difference between those two people is that one is a competent adult and one is a young person under 18 and still at school to whom I'm sure you feel a responsibility as a parent (just mentioning you picked her up from school shows you are concerned for her welfare and wish to continue, even after her hitting you).
My view of that is as I parent I owe my child food, shelter, education, medical care and love and have to cut an awful lot of slack.
It may be that you can't provide all of these all the time, but if it was me I'd have to try and keep trying. While I'm limited in what I can say in deference to others I can say I understand some of the problems trying to care for an offspring with MH issues - not easy at all.
A female young person couch-surfing is in a very dangerous position, one step from homelessness and all the permanent tragedies that can entail.
I'm afraid that if your wife takes the attitude she does not want a part of her daughter then there's not much you can do but try to soldier on. Nobody can be everything everybody wants and I think your wife highly unreasonable to expect you to choose.
How is your own support? Do you have friends or family you can talk to who will care and try to help?
Please feel free to talk as much as you would like, you will find care and understanding here.
Styxx in my way I understand your pain. As my daughter has just turned 18 this year. and still going to school. She has a learning disability learning a little slower than some still a bright thing though. Because of our home situation and talking to teachers/ friends etc. She found out she is of legal age to leave home. But still not educated enough or mature enough to work her financial stuff out with out help. But she decided to leave home. Her mother died in 2004 from cancer. So it's just her and her brother with me. I cannot force her to return. But all I can do is be there as her farther and adviser. The thing is they are always your babies you have to just hope they come around to a more mature way of thinking. By letting go. Thats the hurtfull thing your daughter may settle down in time, no promices. But she is worth it.
Your post is very touching to me because I can relate to your daughter but also now feel guilty as I read about your pain. Over 40 years ago when I was 16 I was diagnosed with bipolar.Back then there was no support or understanding and I behaved terribly and would often just leave home for a few days and other risk taking behaviour. My parents were united against me or that's how I felt but I always knew they would be there for me. It must have been horrible for them as they had no idea of how to help me and I was in denial and refused medication.
I bet your daughter is so confused and feels very alone. I also know it is so hard for you and your wife and I feel so guilty for all the pain I caused my parents who are no longer living.
Keep on posting here and let us know how you are going.