Losing the fight against my partner’s mental illness.

[sadmum]

Partner and I have been together for 20 years, we have 4 kids together, a mortgage and a lot of history. He has always had issues but for the last 5 years they have been destroying our relationship and his relationship with the kids. He can’t or doesn’t want to see it and is cycling between denial, anger, hopelessness and suicidal ideation. I have taken him to multiple Drs, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, I’ve talked him down from being suicidal more times than I can count, I monitor his medication (that he frequently misuses) and spend my life smoothing his and other people’s feathers that he has ruffled. I am exhausted and feel that this is not what I signed up for. I get treated like a housekeeper and a sex object. If I don’t do exactly what he wants I am “mistreating” him, if I do exactly what he wants I still get criticized. I am trapped by years of being stuck at home as a slave and the fact that he doesn’t have a single other person to turn to. I am embarrassed and ashamed by what my life has become and I have nobody I can talk to about any of it. I feel like all his Drs expect me to “take care of him” they don’t seem to realize the toll it is taking on our kids (and me). I just feel hopeless and want to scream and cry but I am the one that everyone depends on, so I have to keep it together.

[Sophie_M]

Welcome sadmum,

We are so sorry to hear that you are in this situation with your partner. It sounds like you've been doing so much for your partner and it's taken a huge toll on you. It's tough feeling alone, we are so glad that you have reached out this evening to our friendly online community. We hope that being part of this community can bring you some comfort and help you to feel a little less alone.

Can we ask, do you have any mental health support for yourself? We understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes, especially if you don't have support from family or friends. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  They will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.

It might also be worth taking a look at our page, "Looking after yourself while supporting someone" -  https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/looking-after-yourself

As well as feeling understandably burnt out, it sounds as though there might be some problematic dynamics within your family relationships. It's important that your partner treats you with respect. We would recommend that you get in touch with an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships.

Many of our members have been through similar experiences and will be able to talk through these feelings with you.  If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.