Losing a family member to a narcissistic partner

[Luambery]

Hi everyone,

I am posting as a concerned sister. My brother has been with his girlfriend for nearly three years.

My brother was a very affable and social guy. Had the thousands of friends on social media, always came to family events with a smile, dropped in to see me and my children at least once every two days, went past Mum and Dads nearly daily for a run with Dad and to raid Mum's pantry.

When he started dating his now fiance, we all welcomed her warmly. We loved her independence and confidence in her seemingly responsible life. We thought it would be a good influence on our show pony. However as time went on, little things happened like my brother forgetting a birthday, my brother not attending dinners because her brothers or family were having something, my brother not attending family business meetings (he has asked previously to be in our family business). He then moved out with her, fairly normal for their age but concerning as the control of his time began to tighten. His job was changed, his sports stopped, his involvement with the family business cut off. There were attempts of sabotage where she would tell him in front of my parents not to sign director documents until she had gone over them fully.

Then, she got pregnant.

My little family was cut off. I wasn't allowed to celebrate the birth of my niece and my mother and sister had to 'book an appointment' to visit. After seven weeks, my mother was told off for sharing photos of her granddaughter. 1 month after that she wasn't allowed to have any photos at all of the baby.

The child turns one next week. My brother has completely cut himself off from my parents, he has blocked us all on his phone and he has deleted his social media. He doesn't catch up with friends or return grandparents phone calls. He lies as to why he is 'busy' to cover a lot up. He has threatened a restraining order on our mother if she tries to ever contact him. My parents are devastated, my father cant see past that this is mental abuse rather than bad behaviour. I am deeply concerned for my brother and for my niece and what they are subjected to.

Through mutual friends, I met her exboyfriend. He got out, he said. He didn't see his family for 4 years and the reason they broke up, was because he wouldn't have a baby with her.

What can I do or offer or anything to make this situation shift?

I'm not a do nothing person, I can't close the door on him...

Thank you for listening

L

[Guest_7403]

Narcissism is a truly devastating type of relationship to be in, it contributed to my PTSD and quite frankly impacted my life...all of those things listed below.
Ultimately I didn't see it happening to me (as likely your brother hasnt).
She discarded me and it wasnt until 2 years later that my now partner bought it too my attention.

I guess all you can do is learn and understand about NPD and be there too support your brother whenever he gets out.

Sorry to hear, take care

[Juliet_84]

Hi Luambery,

I feel for you, I really do, you sound like a loving, concerned sibling and it must be hard to lose the brother that you knew and love. Unfortunately, I don’t see there as being anything you can do, well nothing that will work anyway. People need to come to these realizations by themselves, which can be hard when they are in the eye of the storm. My only consolation is that the pressure on him will build up to such an extent that at some point he won’t be able to take it anymore. Narcissistic people always need to be in a battle with someone, and if that isn’t with you, she will turn her attention to him. That will make it easier for him to leave, there’s only so long that you can be away from your family before you start to question the person who’s making that happen. Just make sure that he knows you love him and that you are there for him. You can’t change another persons mind unfortunately, they need to come to the realisation themself.