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Looking for others experiences talking to loved ones about your mental health?

Jack2021
Community Member
Hi guys,

I've been a part of these forums for a few days now, but I feel already its making a huge difference in my management and recovery of severe depression, stress and anxiety.

Without rambling or going in depth of my own issues which isn't my aim of this thread I guess, I was wondering what opinions, advice, and/or experience all of you have had in regards to talking to friends, family, and loved ones about your mental health?

For me, even though I have suffered from depression about 6 months now, it has been very slow and gradual, however becoming quite severe and debilitating since around Xmas and new years of 2020/2021, lots of feelings of hopelessness, lots of sadness, lots of tears, no suicidal thoughts thankfully, but just a general lack of desire and passion to live life.

My parents, 2 close friends, and wonderful girlfriend of 6 months are really the only people who have known about it, though since last week I am trying to get as much help and support as I can from others, with my counselling finally resuming next week, and enrolling myself in a online mental health well being program that is set to start this week hopefully.

One of my recent major concerns is with my girlfriend, I have the closest relationship with her than anyone else, and trust her the most, therefore I share a lot of my troubles with her, which I am so worried about, as I don't want it to be pulling her down or worsening her mood, as I have already seen it happen twice the past 2 weeks, when I was dealing with very severe anxiety and depression and breaking down quite a lot, it did affect her wellbeing seeing me like that

As a result of this, as much as I'd love her support, I think I'm better off not telling her so much and instead talking to my counsellor and the forums here, as much as It pains me to do so...she is the most wonderful girl and is so supportive and mentally strong, but I can see it is affecting her talking about and trying to help with my issues...

Have other people been in similar situations here? I have tried looking for other threads with this sort of topic, but came up with nothing, would love to hear from you guys 😊
72 Replies 72

Emmen
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Jack2021,

It definitely affects our loved ones when we talk about our mental health, but I'm of the opinion that it's best to talk about it than to keep it to yourself. Your girlfriend is probably better off knowing why your mood is low, or why you seem a little different than usual instead of being left in the dark if you didn't speak to her about how you're doing.

I've found that it helps when you tell your loved ones how they can help you as well, even if all you want is a listening ear. If your counsellor suggests some exercises, you can also get your girlfriend's help to encourage you to do these exercises, even when you don't feel like doing it. By doing this, you can prevent her from feeling too powerless in not knowing how she can help you.

Lastly, do share your successes with her as well. If you feel like your anxiety and depression are slowly getting better, tell her about that change. She'll feel happier too, knowing that you're recovering.

Kindly,
M

Guest_4643
Community Member

Whenever I talk to anyone apart from my parents (who try their best & support me as much as they can), I just get pushed away, called depressing & negative, etc. Like nobody cares. Even people who deal with mental illnesses themselves. Even helplines don't help me, & Psychologists.

But that's just my experience. I'm glad you have supportive people like your girlfriend. We're supportive on here too, we're here for you.

Jack2021
Community Member
Hi Emmen,

Thank you so much for the advice and your point of view, I see what you mean exactly, though she definitely isn't being left in the dark, or not knowing what is going on, I've told her exactly what's going on so much of the time and she knows me so well already, she can usually tell when my mood is not so well and when I'm feeling pretty low.

My problem comes when I'm talking to her all the time I guess, and it makes me feel horrible seeing her down because I'm down, and It made me feel like the worst person in the world hearing her cry over the phone, after a weekend of being me in a severely depressed state that I had no control over :(

I feel I am getting better slowly though, and your advice in sharing my successes is something I want to do when it happens hopefully, like just yesterday, for the first time in months waking up not feeling totally depressed was a pretty good feeling 😊

Thanks so much 😊😊

Hi mb20lover!

I was meaning to thank you already before for the very kind welcome post you gave me in the mudcakes' first thread 😊

I was meaning to reply, but then the thread got locked/closed, so yeahhhh ...😱😱
I actually had written something for you in the continuation of that thread πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ long story short I just wanted to acknowledge and thank you for the nice words before 😊

Anyway back to on here, I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences, it absolutely sucks to hear about that, and I've even experienced that a bit years and years back, not when I was actually depressed, but more I was just very sad for a while and going through a tough time, some people told me hurtful things like "snap out of it" or "stop being depressed, get over it" , things like that...some people are just mean I guess...so I know exactly what that feels like....

Thank you so much for the kind words, I really appreciate it, and I hope you know myself (and the whole forum I'm sure) will be supportive and here for you too 😊

Hi Jack, sorry I didn't reply sooner, I only just found your thread again, my bad.

Thanks for thanking me for welcoming you on Mudcakes' thread, and you're welcome for me welcoming you. Thanks for the kind words too, it means a lot and I appreciate it. I say the same about you, good things of course. Thank you for understanding, I'm here to support you as much as I can too.

No worries at all mb 😊 I find this site is a bit difficult to navigate sometimes, and to keep track of threads, so I know the struggle is real! πŸ˜‚

Glad to hear 😊😊 just wanted to acknowledge you and say the kind words were definately seen and appreciated, both there and here 😊

Thank you for the support and understanding too, it means a lot 😊😊

Hey Jack.

Yeah the site can be difficult sometimes, we don't have notifications on here so you can just go to "my threads" and the ones you've started and commented on will come up. And "new threads" to see new ones obviously.

And you're welcome, thanks again.

Hi mb 😊

Ahhh yes I only just found out about this feature yesterday and it's been super helpful! way easier than looking at my threads from my profile haha - I only ever go on here from my phone, so I have no clue what the desktop experience is like πŸ˜‚

You're welcome and thank you too 😊😊

Jack2021
Community Member
Update:

Current mood: depressed, anxious, sad, helpless, alone and extremely guilty above all else I guess..

I have been doing well the past few days, but I was under no impression that I was over this...I know that it's going to take a lot for me to be back to 100%, and the best I can do is try to be a bit better, day by day..

Basically I unintentionally hurt the feelings of a loved one very deeply, I told them how I felt, as gently as I could, yet I could see the hurt that was in their eyes, for the rest of the night and this morning even.

How do we speak to people we love without hurting them? How do we tell others we are in pain without causing them pain? How do we tell others their behaviour is hurting us without hurting them??

I apologize for the vagueness....not a good day I guess... 😞