Looking for help with depression and anger issues

[Winston666]

These days i seem to have zero tolerance for any drama and tend to anger quickly, which escalates quickly. it is getting to a point that it is affecting my marriage.

i am by no means a physically violent person but can say some pretty hurtful things when i feel i am defending myself.

Any direction or advice would be greatly appreciated, i have never used this kind of forum to reach out but need help.

Thanks.

[Bob_22]

Hello Winston666,

Thank you for your post and for reaching out. It is great that you have come here. I understand where you are coming from when you say that you are quick to anger. Irritability is very common for those who have depression and anxiety specifically. The key is to address the root cause of the problem which would be your mental health. The best way to do this is with a psychologist that you can get a referral for from your GP. In addition to this, exercise twice a week is great for depression as well as a good diet and sleep routine. It is also important that you stay on top of social activities and connect with friends and family members when you can. You may even get tips on how to manage your anger from them. Keeping a journal may also help.

Keep us updated on how you're going and hope things improve for you.

Bob

[tranzcrybe]

The first thing is to commend yourself on acknowledging how you feel and react - you are seeing the damage caused and now dealing with remorse.
I wonder, how soon after these blowouts you apologise (I assume to your wife, but could equally stem from children, work, or social gatherings)?
Another question to contemplate is what do you feel you are defending yourself from? Being wrong, humiliated, feeling inferior or at a disadvantage in some way?
Sometimes getting a handle on the source of the behaviour can lead to its resolution.
In the meantime, you'll need a 'filter' to not think too personally about triggering comments (or simply allow yourself time to process your thoughts before responding). A simple example is making a 'default' response along the lines of "I'll come back in a moment to address this" just to get your thoughts straight from all angles.

With a clearer understanding you can regain composure and resolve the content without the personal inference (if indeed there is any to contemplate).

[MisterJ]

Hey Winston, you’re doing a positive thing seeking help with this

Please feel proud of yourself, it takes courage to admit our own shortcomings (publically!!) and wanting to address them is an act of love for those around you. 
We ALL have things we can do or handle better. 

I had three thoughts reading your post - 

1. As other posters said, seek some professional help to try and sort out the root cause. 
2. (in the interim) make a plan for managing your responses while you are NOT upset. How do you want to show up to other people? What types of things do you want to say when you get upset? You could break the circuit and take a short walk when your anger rises. You could write down some pre-prepared responses. You can tell yourself to breathe, count to 1000 … whatever works for you.

But do pack a parachute. 
3. Could you share your challenge with the people you love? None of this is proof of anything more than you are human. EVERYONE has their crosses to bear.

sharing the burden - and especially your intent (not to hurt people you love) - may give them a lens through which they can see the conflict with more compassion, and perhaps even bring you closer as you’ve shown trust in being vulnerable with them

With love in your heart - you wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t - you can do this mate 

- Mister J

[geoff]

Hello Winston, this tends to happen when you have underlying concerns which you may have not told anyone, or even if you have they still haven't been dealt with to your satisfaction.

Write down what's going on and talk about them with a doctor/counsellor.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[imemi]

So much of the information here is fantastic. Right now I'm going through the break up of a relationship I don't want to end but has done because of those exact traits in me. 
Identifying the cause is both helping and causing some serious heartache. 
I found for me I'm holding onto anxiety, irritability and therefore judgement, especially on my partner. My feelings of inferiority and like "I don't count" are actually all mine and in my head and so I need to address each issue. But I need to give myself time, and take time on each one. As much as it hurts I have to address them. 

Give yourself time, give yourself forgiveness and yeah, give yourself a little love, take time out, do things that make you happy, even if it's just for a few minutes. I know you can get there. 

[Winston666]

Thanks for the reply and support, and  thank you for sharing your own experience. yes it is very hard and some decisions that may need to be made for me to move forward could be life changing and hard for a few people.

but at the end of the day if i cant get my own issues sorted out then how can i help anyone else, the feedback and support i have got from this forum is really good. there are a lot of people out there with issues much the same as mine and worse.

everyone is willing to share their own stories to help someone else.

im just a bit lost and feel stuck in my issues, i live in the country and don't have a lot of immediate support.

its hard.

[Bob_22]

Hi Winston666,

Thanks for your reply and update. It means alot. Yes the community here is extremely supportive.

I understand that things must be hard out in the country. If you are a male I recently discovered messline.org.au which offers some useful support and online resources for men across australia, including managing anger. Hope that helps.

Bob

[Winston666]

Hey Bob , thank you so much for the reply. i have had some truly amazing responses from some great people who are facing some of the same issues as me.

i haven't spoken to a gp yet but plan to. i have started playing golf a couple times a week to get out and take my mind off things.

i work shifts so i am a bit all over the place and sleep pattern is always an issue.

things are just a bit shit at the moment and i seem to never be happy, i am so glad i have joined this forum i should have done it a while ago.

im not sure if its midlife crisis or ongoing issues at home but i will work through it.

thanks again for the support.

[Winston666]

Thanks for your reply, the support im getting really means alot. usually my wife as we are going through a rough patch. it takes me a while to calm down and see sense in what is happening. i will usually go for a drive to calm down and come back once i am able to respond without going off. i am not a agree or aggressive person by nature things just seem to set me off more than they have ever before. im not if it is a midlife crisis or something else.

At the moment i just seem to see the shit side of things and am never happy. i just want things to be drama free but they never seem to be.

There is a way forward but at the moment i just can't see it. 

Thanks again for your support.