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Long distance, depression and anxiety
Up until very recently our relationship has been fantastic. We got along well, had good lines of communication, never seemed to fight. This all changed recently.
A few days ago we faced a bit of confrontation. I wouldn't call any of it a fight per-se, we both tend to avoid playing the blame game. It was more us both sharing our feelings in regards to the distance, which was starting to take its toll. I always expected to have to face this bump in the road at some point, but she has since totally shut down. She did explain to me that she was experiencing a 'down swing' in her depression and anxiety, stating that she felt disconnected from her emotions. She reassured me that she loves me and doesn't mean to close me out, asking for my patience through it all. It's now been about 3 days and I haven't heard a word from her.
Of course, I have nothing but patience when it comes to her and I understand that our relationship will come with hard times. I guess my question revolves around what I'm doing now in the meantime. Currently I am sending her a couple of messages a day. One in the morning, and one in the afternoon/night, 'good morning' and 'good night' messages if you will. I realise that she doesn't want to talk and it isn't my intention to try and force her into talking, which is why I cut it off at a couple per day and don't push the issue beyond that. I just want to send her positive messages, hoping that they may brighten her day even a little and also stop her from worrying about how I'm coping with it all.
My question is, am I doing right by her? Or am I better off just giving her space and not contacting her at all. I'm hoping that we can overcome the distance in the short-term, because I'd love to move and start a life with her.
Welcome and thanks for your post. It's a pretty good step to take as there are all sorts of people here with all sorts of experiences.
Unfortunately there is no real answer that can be given on the information you have provided. If there was then you would not need to post here - you would know what's happening.
For some people a reassurance can be just what's needed. I did this with my wife what she had a lengthy stay in hospital and contacted her twice a day. That was a very different situation from yours.
For some who want to break off a relationship then pleading illness is a path to follow. For others who might want the relationship to continue the extra effort when ill of dealing with fresh messages can be too much.
All I can say is that there are all sorts of situations and I've only mentioned a couple.
If it was me I'd ask her straight out and see what she says.
You have my best wishes
Thank you for the reply Croix
This has been concluded, unfortunately she's asked for us to separate. She says she doesn't know if it'll be permanent yet but I feel in my heart that this is goodbye for good.
So it's time for me to start the rough journey forward.
I'm sorry to hear your news. Unfortunately relationships do end. Getting over it is, as you say, a rough journey, but one that an awful lot of people have had to cope with. I'm sure you, a person with concern and empathy, will find another.
My best wishes