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Community Member

Hi I have a 3 month old baby and no friends. The only people I no r family/ inlaws.

I use to have friends but one by one we fell out.

i have a husband who is always to busy to spend time with me. He runs his own business and is always working. He gets 4 weeks off every year over xmas but this year his family came and spent the whole 4 weeks so he was busy with them all holidays and can't spend one on one time with me, he sleeps in a seperate room at night because the baby crys and doesn't want to be disturbed

i feel lonely and this makes me sad

im trying to b a good sport but I can't help but feel this way.

Him and his relatives planned an activity I can not participate in because I have the baby I expressed to him that this made me feel left out but the choice is his if he wants to do this activity or not. He said he wants to do it but if I don't want him to he won't. I just want him to want to spend time with me because he prefers it. Not because I ask him to.

5 Replies 5

Community Member

Hi Smiley Face.

seeing as you are a new mum, there are lots of support groups and places in all communities, have a bit of a google search and see what you can find in your local area, it really helped my sister when she was a new mum in a similar position.

i think there's a great need for you and your husband to have a sit down and have a good chat about how you've been feeling, and that you also need support, not just you supporting him, it should go both ways. Try to reach a compromise about an arrangement, maybe sleep together a few nights a week instead of not at all, but this all depends on you and your husband personally, that's just my understanding and take on what you said.

be aware that post natal depression can also greatly affect new mums, and it's important to talk about how you feel, and if you feel it's affecting you daily, please see our doctor and have a chat 🙂

I hope this helps 🙂

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Smiley face, this doesn't sound to me to be any sort of marriage, sorry to say that, but doesn't everybody want to sleep at night, remember you work full time looking after a baby, but don't have 4 weeks off do you, and then for him to go on holiday with his relatives, excluding you and I don't think that this is fair at all.
Sleeping in a seperate room is rather pathetic and a weak excuse.
He's a father and needs to take responsibility and share in looking after the baby, so that you can go out to do what you want to do, some time away by yourself, or the both of you and the baby can go out together.
I was self employed but I cooked meals as well as my share of cleaning while I worked and renovated our house, it's time that you talked to him, not on his terms but yours, he really needs a wake up call to show him what you do everyday, a marriage is meant to be 50/50. Geoff. x

Community Member

Hi Smiley face. Your hubby is not really being too terribly supportive with you or bub. What was he like before the baby arrived? He could be feeling slightly o/whelmed by this new arrival. Baby's often instill a 'fear of the unknown' in new dad's. You could be experiencing pnd which won't be helping your feelings of 'left out'. Geoff's right in that you need to remind him marriage is a 50/50 partnership. If you can see your Dr re: possible pnd, mention this to hubby and remind him of his vows. See if you can encourage hubby to spend time with the baby and get to know him/her.


Hey Lynda thanks for taking the time to write to me.

Prior to baby hubby and I were both busy with our careers. I also had a really demanding job and worked endless. But I loved it and found it super fulfilling. And outside of that I had a really busy social life. I had 1 friend that I use to do everything with. But I have recently had a falling out with after baby.

So I guess hubby hasn't changed from before baby, but I have. I never was phased by little quality time together but it bothers me now since I no longer work and I have no friends. I have other friends but there not close as the 1 I had. The friendI had I would talk to daily. My best best best friends. The friends I have now r not that close.

Mothers group doesn't start till the 25th I think that might help take some of these feelings away.

Hi Smiley. Your hubby and you were sort of apart even before bubby, but having him/her has kind of brought it home slightly. You love the baby, I don't doubt that, but I get there's a bit of resentment with the extreme change to your lifestyle. I'm not criticizing don't misunderstand me, but being pregnant is one thing, actually having the baby is a whole new lifestyle and an abrupt change too. Mother's group will help -yes, but it would be nice if hubby could pitch it and take bub off your hands and give you some much needed 'time out'. Has he ever spent time with the baby? I suggest you ask him to take him/her for a walk and 'introduce' himself to him/her. He needs to make himself known to this new person who he helped create.