Lonely and hormonal

[anxiousR]

Hi everyone,

im writing this as I’m feeling very anxious at the moment and feel the need to vent somehow.

Im currently almost 7 months pregnant with my 2nd child to my husband of 4 years.

In the beginning of our relationship we were so good for eachother.
our love was out of this world and we couldn’t keep our hands off eachother either. we were truly like a match made in heaven.

basically 4 years on, our relationship has really broken down.

he doesn’t show me any kind of affection any more And blames me for that.

recently i found out he emotionally cheated on me by chatting to other women online and on the phone.

he said he was ‘trying to secure his future’ whatever that means.

i was really hurt by all of this.

he says he did it though because I had hurt him in the past by talking to my ex every now and again. When I had done that though and had given all that up, I apologised, I assured him it would never happen again, and I’ve kept to my word ever since.

i never imagined he would turn around and cheat on me in any way shape or form.

anyways,

im at a loss at how to save my marriage, I’ve tried almost everything.

he won’t go to counselling, he refuses any suggestions I make to reconnect and I’m so lonely and starving for affection.

tonight, I feel like I can’t even be around him anymore because I’m so frustrated and anxious, like I literally just need him physically and emotionally, I feel so crap, I feel unattractive, and I feel so inadequate as a woman right now.

I can’t take one more day of this! But I don’t want to separate from him......

how can I save my marriage and what will it take for him to want me again?

[james1]

Hello anxiousR,

Welcome to these forums. I hope you find this a safe place for you, and somewhere you can get some comfort from the stress in your marriage.

I am really saddened to hear about the breakdown in your marriage, especially at such an important time with your pregnancy. I don't want to speculate too much on your husband's train of thought because I'm sure there's plenty enough for you to think about, but I hope I can give you another perspective which may help you feel a little less anxious about what'll happen.

When my ex and I broke up after 3 and a bit years, we talked about similar things being the issue, namely wanting more affection, feeling the need to be desired and also, for both of us, probably just wanting to feel more like a man (me) and woman (her). I don't know whether these caused the break up, or other issues towards the end caused these feelings, but it didn't feel good and we broke up.

What I've come to learn from this is that this need to be loved is something that is really hard to deal with when it's not fulfilled. But the worst part is that we are basically entirely powerless, and so I really feel so sad for you when you say that you feel like you can't take one more day of it. I know how painful it is, and how it makes you feel so bad about yourself as well.

I don't know how you can save your marriage or how you can make him want you again - in many ways, the ball is in his court. It sounds like you've really tried to get outside help and he is just not interested. It sounds like he is also just emotionally and physically checked out of your relationship.

Perhaps instead, it may be worthwhile looking at getting some support yourself since you're about to have your second child and I imagine it'll be even harder to get out and find an outlet for all these difficult feelings. Do you have any close family you can talk to? Or would you even consider going to a counsellor yourself to get some support and advice? They may not be able to help you with the hormones, but if your husband's not willing to help, it may just be nice to have a friendly person to talk to.

James