Lonely and depressed

[Kate65]

I am lonely and depressed. I am an "older" woman and I am lonely and depressed. I am married but we live separately under the same roof since 2016 because I have meet his son and he hate his son. Don't ask me why but I just wanted to have my own opinion. . We argue all day long and the only quiet time I can have is when I stay in my bedroom with my dog. Sometimes for all day so I stay in my pajamas what the point to dress on? . I do not have family, I do not have friends, my husband , who as a type of mental illness, hate people. We live in a regional area, and I don't have asked for. I don't and can't drive so I rely on him. I was born and raise in another Country and I just have him. I want to go away and he is ok to let me go but financially this is impossible at the moment this is why we share the house. Sometime I want to end all that. What the point to live this nightmare? I am too old for re start again.

[Croix]

Dear Kate65~

Welcome here to the Forum. I'm glad you came here as your life sounds very hard and you might be able to see others here who are more friendly.

Having a husband who hates everyone and drives you to your room, having no practical means of leaving, and no family to support you. it sounds pretty grim. I am glad you at least have your dog, they can make a big difference.

Being too old to start again does seem a pretty hard thing, however you do not have to think of it at this time as a complete break -all or nothing, perhaps there are some things to make your life easier.

You said you '"I just wanted to have my own opinion". That sounds like a person who has the spark of self respect and reliance in their own judgment. I am sure that same spark is still inside, even under these circumstances.

Is there anything at all you can get out of the house to do? If you are religious going to a church group, if not then something else? Just getting out would be a plus, and if you can find something to do on a regular basis that would be a plus too. Sometimes it involves volunteering at a thrift shop, ohther times another type of group.

What I'm suggesting is you have been confined by his behavior and circumstances, and I'm hoping you can see some way to broaden your life

What do you think, do you have any ideas?

Croix

[Kate65]

Dear Croix,

Thank you so much for your lovely message. Unfortunately, in my little town it is absolutely nothing who can make my life more livable. To be honest I do not fit in the "Country people" mold. This is not me. I am a City girl but some unfortunate circumstances pushed us to move away. I am very depressed because I know if I was still in the City at least I would do many things I like. I love Arts, Culture, concerts, expositions,...... I come from France and I am a Parisian. Love driven me to Australia but love is not here anymore. I was a very friendly woman, loving the company of others but my husband changed everything and now I think its normal to do not socialize and I start hating people myself. I am conditioned in a bad way. I am committed to my old dog because she love me unconditionally. She is twelve, she is sick and when the day come when she won't be by my side anymore. I will make the decision to leave but I am worried about him. He is as lonely as I am. In the meantime I spend my days in my room, with my dog. Living alone scares me so much and ending my life alone and having no family around me for the day of the big departure scares me even more. I am a believer and God will help me. Thanks again Croix for your supportive message. 

[Croix]

Dear Kate65~

I guess we have something in common, I was a schoolboy in Paris in the 50's, but was not into culture at that age, more likely in un marché de rue ( a street market) than in Le Musée du Louvre (The Louvre).

Not surprisingly my best subject back then was English but after all this time I've forgotten all my French, which is just as well as these conversations on the Forum are supposed to be in English:)

I'm sad to hear that your husband's attitude to others is affecting your own opinion of people. When surrounded by distrust and anger I guess it has to take it's toll. It is one of the reasons having a wider horizon has to be good. Apart from anything else it may bring you to people who you do not dislike.

I live in a small country town, yet there are many here I do not know at all. Some probably share my view of life and tastes.

I can understand your affection and loyalty to your dog, I'd very much feel the same, however waiting until she no longer needs you might be a while and in the meantime the effect of your current life is something you are having to endure.

Yes it is scary to feel all opportunities are closed off and you are isolated and alone, particularly wiht an angry man. It can also be very frightening to step outside your now normal routine into the unknown. I think you are equal to this challenge though.

Would your husband give you a hard time if you started to have more of a life of your own in the meantime?

I know I have mentioned this in my last post however trying to find an occupation, distraction or amusement, preferably with others, is the simplest way I can suggest of making you life more bearable at the moment. While it might not seem straightforward perhaps  - particularly if you have the internet - you may find something.

What I do not know, from coaching the French language to seeing if there is someone in Paris you knew and would like to talk with. Those ideas may be silly, however you are a person who wanted to have your own opinion on things, and now do not give in and bow down to a toxic person, but separate yourself a much as you can.

You are determined to look after your lovely dog, please be determined to look after yourself and explore possibilities.

There are kind and interesting people in this world, it is not all a threat

I hope to hear from you again

Croix

[Kate65]

Dear Croix,

Merci for your nice words. I was born in Le Marais Paris , raised by a Mum who was a Model for a "Maison De Haute Couture". I was not attracted by fashion, but I was attracted by helping other and this is why I became a Nurse.

You're right I should find an occupation or a hobby, but I don't have any energy. In my little town its nothing I can do, and I am the only French so...... You know in the country this is more difficult if you're not from the area this is why, for me, to be in a city its easier, I can be more "transparent". 

The only occupation I have is my computer, I read books online, I watch movies in French, I go to Library online and watch some expositions.

My dog is the only companion who keep me alive. She is old, she is sick but she loves me unconditionally. We have long "conversation" together, she understand me, she is not just a dog she is my confident.

Again thank you Croix I appreciate your messages, I feel like I have a "friend" to talk with. This is very important for me.

Prennez soin de vous (take care of you) 

Kate65

[Croix]

Dear Kate65~

Small world, I went to school about 10 k away. I'd not recognize anything now, even the school has gone. There was one tv channel, la Télévision Nationale, drinking water came from bottles. I wonder if they still drink bowls of café au lait with breakfast.

You seem to have done a great deal to fill your life in your room, movies, library, exhibitions and more. If you do not mind me saying so that sounds interesting but a little one-sided. It is true you have your dog, who supplies love and companionship, but cannot give more. While you may make her your confidant it is still you talking to you. (Sorry to be blunt) You have more to give others, and can get more from hem too

I am concerned about you as it seems like your are too isolated and really do need to have people in your world, even if only ones you talk with by video or text, at least to start with. Do you see any possibilities?

I can understand not feeling as if you have the energy to seek out more. Living as you do in such an unfriendly atmosphere does erode self-confidence and motivation. It's also sometimes true that fear  that things won't work out can be an additional discouragement (something I have to try to overcome myself).

Perhaps one of the libraries you log on to may have lists of societies devoted to particular interests or artists.

Do you have any creative talents yourself?

À bientôt (till again)

Croix