Lonely and Confused

[Durras]

Hi all my name is Durras,

I was on here sometime ago and now back again because I realize now that a recovery from depression is very distant or no existent (well I feel for me it is)

I'm feeling very confused with my emotions and have no one to talk with.

If anyone remembers me from before you may remember I was hoping to do a nursing course, well I am nearly at completion of it, I have my final work placement for two weeks in June. I worked for a week at this nursing home in April with first week placement, nursing staff including supervisors were telling me to put my resume in for employment, they were happy with me. I told my husband and mother in law and all they are saying is "make sure your resume is really good," "well I hope they are employing". This has really hurt me and upset me because I was hoping to hear something like "that sounds really positive, I'm sure you will have no problems them gaining employment their"?

What is that suppose to mean "make sure your resume is really good" I get that I need to find a job, I get that my husband and I can't keep going on with one income to pay of our mortgage, I get that if anything was to happen to him with his work we are in crisis. I get all this, I'm living it, breathing it everyday, waking up and going to sleep with it everyday. Is this what they are saying? I KNOW IT ALL!!! GIVE ME/ SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE!!!!

This is my only opportunity for employment as I am so far from other places, nursing homes. I don't want my hand held like a baby but some positive words would be really helpful for me to give me the confidence I need for the interview once I put my application in. I'm feeling really annoyed, hurt and frustrated because I've been struggling with finding work for so long and now I have this wonderful opportunity all I'm getting is negativity.

On top of all this, what I'm learning in my course with aged care illness trajectories is really sending my heart back home to NZ. My dad isn't well, my mum has been tested for dementia and I want to be their for them but can't afford it.

I have no one to talk to about all this, I have no friends or family here with me. I'm feeling really lost with my situation and hope so much I get this job, if not I'm back to being how I was NOTHING!!

[Croix]

Dear Carol~

It's nice for you to return here, I'm sure you'll fine some here who talked to you before such as Geoff and Tony WK. The atmosphere is still the same, gentle, supportive and experienced.

First off I think it really great that you have come so far with the Nursing Studies. I watched my son go thought it and was amazed at what was involved. It takes a great deal of determination and application to get to the stage you are at now.

It will have made it especially hard when you have the effects of depression to combat too. I know in my own case it never quite went entirely, but I'm in a pretty good place with things well under control. I'd suggest having a word to your doctor and explain how you are feeling, if you are on a regime it might need tweaking.

I know you are disappointed and feel a lack of support and encouragement with the responses from your partner and mother-in-law. It would have been nice if their remarks were slanted a different way. There is a lot in the way people say things, and quite frankly this tends to be more of a reflection of them than anything else.

I don't know these particular people however a person who has a gloomy or negative view of life may well anticipate problems and say they 'hope the home is hiring' in an effort to cushion you from possible disappointment if things don't work out straight away.

The remark about the resume is pretty pointless I'd agree, anyone such as yourself will be able to put together something pretty good. If you are unsure or don't know exactly what your target employment wants right now -fashions do change over time- then saying this and 'let's get a professional resume writer to polish it to meet current trends' might be more productive.

Having said all that I'd like to point out you are going shortly to be in a position to apply for a job due to your own efforts, abilities and a realistic and responsible desire to contribute financially. Mind you I'd hope you got a lot more out of it than just money, interest and satisfaction at the very least.

Worrying about not getting the job is perfectly natural, however thinking that failure to get this particular one relegates you to being nothing is just plain silly. It sounds like those years of depression talking -I know the feeling.

It's very frustrating and worrying that your parents are so far away and in such conditions. Can you visit them for a while?

Please come back and talk some more, we'll be waiting

Croix

[CMF]

Hi Durras and welcome back,

I do remember your name around the forums but don't think we have actually 'met'.

First of all, well done on your studies, very proud of you. I agree with Croix's comments but also want to add that when we are feeling pressure or feeling not so great we can take comments the wrong way. The fact that the staff there told you to submit your resume says a lot about what they think of you. They must be quite keen on you joining them and remember submitting your resume is a formality and a process they need o follow so it does sound positive time. I once attended a group interview for a job and was then asked to have a one on one with the area manager. As soon as i say down she said i already had the job and the interview was just a formality. When she moved companies i then applied for a job with the same one as there was vacancy, she told me again to submit my resume, just because i had to as part of the process, so it's looks pretty good to me. They probably can't make anything official or actually offer anything until you complete your studies but they want to get the ball rolling and get the paperwork out of the way. I think regardless we all need to make sure our resumes are really good, that's a it of a nothing comment and i wouldn't take it to heart. Saying 'i hope they are employing' can be a positive saying that they hope you don't have to wait too long as you deserve it.

Wishing you all the best and i hope you get the job you desire.

cmf

[Armario]

Don't over think it.

Aged care is not rocket science.

It is more important and fulfilling though!

Your resume only needs to be a clear outline of what you've done.

Many nursing homes are crying out for nurses!

I'm an aged care nurse. I say, don't stress over it.

A

[nowandthen]

Hello, my sisters do this same thing to me, all the time. Negative responses to something I am excited about, or feel good about. All my life I have said to myself "Oh they mean well"..."Oh, they can't help it" etc. Realistically, I am sure they can help it and don't mean well. I can only assume it's their own insecurities acting out. It's hard to erase negative comments from the mind, once it's been put out there. I am so sorry your family members said this to you about your resume and work seeking efforts. So un-necessary, hurtful and incredibly thoughtless. I understand and empathise with you, as it makes one feel like you have not done well enough nor put much thought or effort into what you are doing...hugs from me

[Kuki]

Hello Dear,

We all face our share of problems. It is always difficult when we feel that no one understands our needs. Whenever there is a storm outside, the first thing to do is to close all the doors and windows to minimize the impact.

Just like that, first sort out your inner feelings. It is important to check your feelings about your own self. Discard all negativity about yourself. Trust me, we often ignore ourselves and react based on other's opinions. Be positive and confident; break the mental cycle of dejection.

If your husband has suggestions to make your resume look good, take his inputs and look at them as a way of improvement. Don't take anything with a negative feeling. I know it is easier said than done. Take care of your feelings first and do your best.

I wish you all the best.

[Croix]

Dear Nowandthen AND Kuki~

I see that is the first and only post for each of you, so I'd like to welcome you both here to the Forum. I'm also gladdened that the first thing you have done is to reach out to help another. As you will no doubt have realized by browsing here receiving and giving is the whole reason for this place, and giving for so many is a large part of dealing with their mental illness and a most rewarding thing to do.

The only down-side of posting in an existing thread as you have done here is that many others will most likely not see or interact with you as you are hidden away.

Would you mind if I suggested that each of you starts your own thread (in Depression, Anxiety or other appropriate area) where you will be seen more easily? More will I'm sure wish to talk with you then.

In addition -if you have not already done so - I'd recommend looking at the general information threads pinned at the start of

Forums/ Welcome and orientation

I look forward to talking with you both again

Croix

[Apollo_Black]

Without saying too much....

"Them" - "you'd better make your resume good"

You - "It's not good, it's awesome!"

Irrespective of their comments, just make a great resume. Get feedback from people you trust. Get your nursing lecturers to have a look and give you feedback.

Don't limit yourself to one institution. Send it out to as many as you can - I know you said other places are far away, but their must be others??

I've been a nurse for 20 years, so if you have any questions about your resume etc, just ask (unfortunately there are no notifications but i'll do my best to check back). Good luck. Try not to read too much into your husband's response. I sincerely hope that your MIL doesn't live with you....