Loneliness

[Xay]

Hey, I just really need to get this out.

I feel lonely all the time, no matter how many people are around I feel alone, I have one friend that I enjoy hanging out with but they don't contact me, I always ask them about there day but they never ask about me, it makes me feel like sh*t, and I don't have any friends other than them and one other. It's gotten to the point where I'm terrified of going home because I know I'll feel empty because there's no one around.

[geoff]

Hello Xay, I'm sorry you feel lonely, unfortunately with any type of depression it involves being lonely, because 'our friends' tell us how they are feeling, but never ask us the same, simply because they don't know what to say to us and would prefer to be away from us and not caught up in this position, that's why your friend doesn't contact you.

There are a couple of options you could consider and please only do any of these if you feel as though it might help.

Some depressed prefer to be by themselves because they don't want to keep answering questions people ask them, which they have no answer to, however, if you want company then perhaps you could ring or contact these sites online and talk with someone, then no one can listen to what you want to say.

Can I ask you if you are interested in sport or something similar, then perhaps you could go and watch the number one team train.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Xay, 
 
This is such a brave and powerful post, thank you for sharing it here. We hope the kind words and understanding of lovely community members help and a comfort to you.   We can hear you've been having trouble connecting to others and feeling alone. For difficult moments the Beyond Blue counsellors are here for you and would welcome your call or online chat, anytime it would help you to speak to someone.  
 
We’re sure you’ll hear from our community soon, but in the meantime here’s a few of articles we thought you might like. We’re hoping some of them can bring you a bit of hope or new ideas: 

• Fun activities to do on your own 
• Finding your tribe 
• I know I need support, but how do I ask for it? 

It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums. You never know who might read this thread and feel less alone in their own experience.   Kind regards,  Sophie M 

[Lost_Soul_272]

Hi Xay,

I can really relate to your post. I'm so very lonely and feel so alone a lot of the time. I have my pets that rely on me so they keep me company and my mother although its getting to the point where i am responsible for her now, which takes its toll also, but in saying that I don't have many friends and most of them don't really talk to me, mainly because of my ex partner, they were not very likeable and my friends didn't want to be around them, so now I basically don't have any friends. I spend the majority of time by myself at home with no one else. No one messages me im always the first to message anyone really.

I pass my time with TV shows or playing video games, petting my pets.

It's so tough feeling alone and being lonely. I'm really not sure how to change this but I wanted to let you know that your not alone in feeling alone. 

[rubytiger]

I relate to that too.

It can be really awful feeling so alone. I feel that way all the time. Always being the one to message others first. It hurts. 

[eidamarav_]

Yes this is also how I feel most of the time. 

A few years ago I moved overseas to an isolated town in Australia where I work from home and my neighbours are few and far in between. I’ve made an effort to make friends, join fitness classes, regardless of how much I try to reach out, most people don’t genuinely ask how I am or initiate hanging out. Despite being approachable and initiate conversations, it’s not enough. I guess being a foreigner too doesn’t help. 

To be fair, people my age in my town have young kids and they naturally want to hang out with other young mothers.

It was even worse when I lived in the city. They will only talk to you if they have to or so they can seem nice to everyone. 

I notice people here are strangely either this way or prefer surrounding themselves with other people who only make them feel good. No genuine real interactions, just small talk about weather and that’s it. House parties are the same as women tend to compete for talking over the top of everybody else only to talk about themselves, the weather, getting drunk and not really keen to know about the wellbeing of others.

In the city, I’ve had people want to hang because they need something and it made me feel worse. 

I’m grateful to still have one or two friends from my home country also living overseas  who will genuinely ask about me from time to time (once a year) but only because of social media.

It’s sad but true fact that most people are busy, easily get preoccupied with their lives, with themselves, and to blunt, don’t necessarily care about others, or gravitate towards people who seem to be the people who have a lot going on. People want to make new friends with people that make themselves seem interesting than caring for the ones they already have.

It’s tough but true that people are people too.

I have found that solo travelling and backpacking really give me an opportunity to meet the kind of people who are genuinely nice and interested in what others say and create great interactions. If this is something you are willing to try out  i highly encourage it. 

Thanks for sharing this real and honest truth about loneliness. It’s really helped me to reflect and i respect the effort you put into writing about your experience. 

[mchops]

I experienced this exactly, especially during and after lockdowns. I still occasionally feel this from time to time (especially on weekends with no friends to hang out with) but I found the best thing is to keep yourself busy and do things for yourself that don’t require a friend. For example, I’d take myself out to brunch in a nice cafe and enjoy myself that way. I have anxiety so I find myself trying to push past that so I dont remain afraid and stay at home and think about loneliness all day. Just stepping outside makes feel better than staying home. I also try to remind myself that many feel lonely it’s a part of life and everyone experiences it at some point. If I feel particularly lonely I’d make plans to hang with a friend once a week or a fortnight so I have something to look forward to. If no friends are available I just go to the gym or work out at home. Or text multiple people, leave the phone there, go do something else and forget about it, and by end of the day someone has texted back. Speaking of texting, people who I feel do not reach out to me, I leave them alone and see if they initiate. If they dont, move on. It means they didn’t care enough about you, so no point watering dead flowers. I hope this helps.