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Living with a controlling person, had the strength to ended it but guttered

Princess5
Community Member

Hi I been with my husband for 15 years.  Through out the marriage he has emotionally abused me by passive aggressive means.   He wasn't happy unless I was depressed and unable to think for myself.  I felt unloved and try anything to get he's approval.  I sacrificed my own dreams for he's.  I wasn't to one day I was thinking the only was out of the marriage was to kill myself.  I was lucky I had a friend that made me relised I was important and strong women and to think of the children. 

I been in counselling for years and been on all kind of antidepressants and anxiety medication.  I knew what I had to do was to get rid of the cause.  Well last July I did it I handed my wedding ring back.  He moved into another room in the house.  As we worked away from home on different rosters it work well and the kids wouldn't miss out spending time with each parent.  Mentally is was hard but it was ok.   Last week he moved out.  The way he did it was another story.  I know its the right thing but here is the catch, I lost my security blanket.  He made me so depended on him the now I lost.  Even when he sent me a threating text and covered it up with some excuse as I did have the police call him as it terrified me.  I think the worst is the no communication.  I don't miss him in a romantic way but just lost and do not know what to do.  Once I was sick of crying over him not treating me correctly no I can stop crying as I not sure what to do.  I know I should protect finances for me and the kids.  I know I wanted this but I just want to crawl under a rock and hide away from the world I still sick of crying over anything.  Then I know is  a circle I going in I wish I can brake free.  I don't think I strong enough to get through it.

3 Replies 3

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Princess

You will manage. I know exactly what you mean because this was my reaction. I left the home, managed for a year because I reveled in the freedom, lack of abuse, the ability to make my own decisions etc, then suddenly fell apart when I realised I was quite alone. This is the kicker we are left with after separating from an abusive and controlling relationship.

Suicide can appear an attractive option. It was to me. The dream of being pain free is very seductive but then of course you will have no more dreams. Well, we women are resilient and strong. It will be a hard road so keep on with the counselling and surround yourself with good friends. Have a list of people you can phone when the going gets tough. Try and plan activities that take you out of the house. I know it's hard when you have children so include them as much as possible.

Never lose sight of the fact that all this was not your fault. Your best revenge, though this is not really the way I think about it, is to become happy, successful and independent in your life.

Meanwhile, keep writing in here and remember the BB helpline is available 24/7, 1300 22 4636.

Mary

Hi princess, welcome

White rose is correct, you will survive and you will cope.

I can understand how difficult it must be for you. Boy, some people control so much of our lives and all of a sudden we need to break free and bang- we have a whole lot of other issues to deal with.

Google- "Topic: controlling your life- how important is it? -beyondblue"

hat thread might help you a bit. Have a read. A few other things- hobbies and sports. Has there ever been a sport or hobby you wanted to do? then do it. It will get easier as time goes by.

Tony WK

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Princess

I hope everything is OK in your world. Can you find time to tell us what is happening and how you are managing. I would like to feel the responses you have received have been useful, but if not please write in again and tell us more about yourself and how we can help you.

If life is getting too tough please phone the BB helpline on 1300 22 4636.

Mary