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Living Arrangements/Feeling Unwanted
I’m 21 & haven’t lived in my family home (which was Mum and two sisters) since about 16 months ago. I moved out because I felt like the constant arguing & bickering from my sisters (aged 19 and 15) was destroying me and so I moved out to avoid it all together. When I say “moved”, I use the term very loosely. I put a bunch of clothes in an overnight bag & started staying in the upstairs bedroom at my uncle’s house. Since then, I’ve gradually brought more things with me to my uncle’s (where there is no storage for me at all), but the majority of my belongings are still in my room at Mum’s house. It was never an official move-out.
I want to move home, but my sister’s boyfriend lives there (and has for about a year) & I don’t feel comfortable being forced to share my home (and bathroom) with him. He is a lovely boy & my whole family love him but I don’t want to live with him & don’t feel that I should be forced to, or feel that I because I don’t feel comfortable it’s my problem & “too bad”.
Over the past week I’ve been harassed by my sister who wants me to clear out my room so she can use it as a study space. She has the biggest bedroom in the house with a desk in it, & when I questioned her why she needs my room she said that it’s not fair on her boyfriend for her to be in the bedroom studying all the time (he hs a good home why can’t he go back there?). She first brought this up a week ago when we had other family over & it just turned into a big attack against me trying to force me to move all my belongings & furniture out.
My issue is that Mum knows I want to come home & that I feel uncomfortable living with my sister’s boyfriend (to which she’s basically just been saying “well too bad”). I feel that she’s choosing the boyfriend over me her own daughter & she’s not seeing or understanding my feelings no matter how often I try to express them.
Even tonight, I was over at Mum’s & they were outside talking about me & my sister came in & with a straight-off-the-bat aggressive tone started demanding me to move my things out then & there. I then tried to have a mature conversation with her about it but she was not having it, my mum walked in & tried to “be the mediator” but was on my sister’s side & was not trying to see my side at all.
I feel unwanted and extremely stressed and I don’t know what to do. I want to move home, but don’t want to live with the boyfriend, and there’s no room at my uncle’s for my things even if I did clear out the room at Mum’s.
It is a stressful time for you. I think the fact that your room at your mothers place will be immediately utilized by your sister for study and her boyfriend is getting to you. In a way you don't want to relinquish it. Your mother is caught between two rocks. So I have my idea of a solution- move out!
There are an amazing amount of storage ideas in large hardware stores and furniture places. Shelving is low cost, plastic containers are also. If you have a bedroom of stuff at home then nicely organized will fit in your bedroom at your uncles.
Your sisters are at a vulnerable emotional age. Give them time even a few years and things will settle down. This problem isn't uncommon.