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living alone

randomx
Community Member

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

 

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randomx
Community Member

Lot of thoughts lately on everything , of course.

But am l leaving my life ours if we're gonna have one into just her hands and constant whatever it is the next day, or the next ?

As beautiful a wkend as we've had emotionally but also especially with the talk of back to a real us and maybe her moving back down , houses and stuff , like what was the original plan in the first place if her court cases were successful. But l feel like l need my walls up again and after all this time l'm still having trouble trusting it. Tomorrow or next wk , there'll be something else or it all just turns again and again we're back to circles.

It's hard to explain but she's still pretty messy you see, finally through her cases but no rest no just back to life bc she didn't have one up there left, nothing, money,place, work, nothing. Then the rallies turned up, so there's been no recovery or even rest it was ok out of the pan but straight into the fires after that. So she's doing better but still not in good shape so we can't just talk about what's next as you normally would and clear it up, make a decision. Well , put it this way , l don't feel l can ask that of her just yet.

But it's getting to a time l found a way, somehow , instead of waiting on whatever she just wakes up to next. l mean l do try have right through but very gently bc she just hasn't been up to it earlier.

l'm worried it'll still be too much for her though and push her away.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Great question rx,

If I look back I think you are leaving it in her hands. You are constantly writing for dramas to end, then not able to discuss anything cos she's not up to it? It appears she's happy for you to just wait while she sorts out drama after drama.

Question...has she acknowledged that you've waited patiently for so long & thanked you? Is it both of you keeping communication going or do you instigate cos she's too busy, wrapped up in other stuff? Do you see her being able to let go of constant drama & settling down with you? Will she bring the drama with her? Will that be your life with her, constant drama?

Sorry, questions not question.

Cmf

randomx
Community Member

Thanks for that cm

Your right l think l have been. lt's just dawning on me all over again now this last few wks with yet more twists and turns from her end that it's always her and whatever drama on the day or wk, and it's time l did something.

But yeah with us and keeping things going she's probably more than me actually no worries about that it's not one sided or l would've been out. Acknowledging my end yeah, she has, sometimes it is like she just doesn't realize the bigness of me still being here though. You see that one's tricky, l wouldn't let er move in earlier but she's still sort of waited around for me to all this time to.

Anyway, l'm feeling like this could go on forever and it's time l put it on the table .

ps , on her financial and situation in general , she does still have her place back in Portugal she's just waited on the court case outcomes but she is free to sell that now. At least that's something.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Yeah, you have a point re her waiting around when you didn't want to move in yet. Then again, she was stuck in Sydney with her stuff going on. If that wasn't the case, would she have waited? The drama...would do my head in, as you know. It's like me going to M's & having to listen to sis all the time. It's so damn draining.

Sorry, being brutally honest here.

randomx
Community Member

Nah not at all , honest away , think l need a bit of a kick atm.

First up yeah, drama, hmmm. She says there's never peace, but eh, l can hope haha. Anyway, we had a good chat tonight and she says she can handle it now bc everything these days is actually pretty light to her now compared to those damn court cases and the last yr or two, so at least that's a start. And yeah she would've waited, she still does, is, she'd even rather we just did long distance if there's no other solution , than split. Even if just a few times a yr.

Trouble is, for me, we're still no where, l dunno wth to do with it.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

She's told you what she wants what she can do. How she wants it to be?

What do you want? What can you do? How do you want it to be?

Be really honest with yourself. What sort of relationship can you handle?

randomx
Community Member

Yeah.

l mean we both want the same thing,it's just that if worst case scenario and we couldn't agree on something , she'd still like to keep us going any which way. Me on the hand, not so keen on the any which way part. Not at this stage.

l'm gonna have to make a decision and if we part , maybe things change down the track and we talk again later some time and work it out, or maybe we move on. That happened to one of my other brothers, they were apart 2 1/2yrs. Been married 30yrs since, all worked out-who knows.

rx

randomx
Community Member

There is a lot more to it for her l can't talk about here,family and financial stuff though in short. lt's not all just oh l don't wanna move.

Funny thing about that brother though, they were living in NSW and Vic back then apart too.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

It could be a matter of timing just like your brother.

I do believe if it's meant to be it'll be when time is right. It's good to hear you want the same things at least. It's hard when there's other things to navigate.

I know all about that too.

randomx
Community Member

Yeah maybe! We want the same things have right through. Neither of us can feel or imagine anyone else and l'm thinking a good break right now might bring realizations and perspectives back and time for things to sort out.

l think it's different if 2 people part for awhile due to circumstances, like my brothers situation. But at any rate, it'll either make us or break us, l can't go on in limbo like this any longer though.

rx.