Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?
No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.
l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.
It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.
But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.
This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.
But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.
Yeah , she knows l don't wanna move up there now and we've been talking about everything. Shame last trip though bc we also made a boo boo with her tafe hrs that wk and with everything else we just didn't get enough time together.
Anyway this trip there'll be more time and l'll know where to go to so l'll be fresher to hopefully and we can just have some nice time together first of all.l suppose later on l'll be back home again though and yeah, we'll def' have to figure out what we're doing from there.
Been trying to put my finger on why this next trip is feeling so weird, l mean there is the obvious , but l hope that's not what is is.
Tbh though , it is feeling like a bit of a lost cause with her Sydney thing. We felt strange too , our old selves but different , we did need more time to find out feet though it'd been so long it went soooo fast.
Even if she'd consider moving back down to mine, l'd have such doubt and guilt though, like dragging her away from her new gd and son.
She has such serious new stuff going on now too to do with Ukraine l can't go into here, l feel so selfish even thinking about us though this stuff is so big. But l need to think about us, and myself. l dunno , seems although of course none of that is her fault but 3yrs, there's been something all through, and now that , maybe it just never ends for her.
l don't even know how she could even handle another visit right now tbh, even though she insists she can't wait.
lt's only this new job really even though we'd love to see ea other asap, but being able to make another Sydney trip out of it . Doubt l'd be getting up there again so soon if not for this job and l wouldn't be taking this job, too far, if not for Sydney haha.
Suppose l could just do it , th with it, see what happens. Well as long as she stays up to it.
Hmm , that's probably as gooda plan as any.
Hmmmm...maybe this job came to you at this time for a reason, because you need to see each other, sort through things.
It must be kinda nice to reconnect. Am I right?
Go with the flow, see what happens. You sound very open minded about it all, no unrealistic expectations. That's a good thing.
Well that could be true actually , l haven't had a job come up up that way for 4 -5yrs, general direction yeah but not like this one as far as Sydney goes.
Haaa, kinda nice ahh, would be kinda the understatement of human kind tbh yep, you bet. But l think l'm agreeing with ya, th with it, with this job and all, just do it , l like it haha.
Besides , there has to be a damn decision, or a solution , and so we just need to be together again first of all.
Yep. You don't have unrealistic expectations which is good.
Take the job, make the trip. It's come to you for a reason.
What if it is a slow reconnection? I think you said you don't wanna do long distance. What if you start long distance...see where it goes? Not sure it's a great Idea, just throwing things out there.
Haaa, funny you should say those things.
She says yesterday and we need to find my ring. But but but ummm, call me weird baby but ahh, l'd kinda like to be actually living with my wife, yaknow! She says oh we will we can work that out later, we can do long distance until then. Funny , she said much the same last trip actually , if you don't wanna live up here we can just visit , we can still be married, we can visit forever if we want ahhhhh ,, wellll. She can't handle flying bc of a nervous system thing and l sure as hell don't wanna still be driving up and back when l'm 80.
Mind you , if she just lived up or down the coast from me l could drive that all day long forever.
Might sound crazy but we've survived over 3yrs and through all her crap and also being apart 13mths through all that too well, apart from two very quick visits. l mean we somehow keep on keeping on and this kind of courage means a lot to me in a woman, on top of all the things l love about her l mean.
l have thought about just why don't we , myself, to hell with it. l just know though that as a woman and a mum, and now a gm, it'll only get harder for her to leave her family up there and less and less likely. And another yr will turn into two, then 5, then never.
l'm doing things totally different this trip no days of crazy driving round Sydney wearing me out this time either so l'm hoping l'll be a lot fresher. Can stay longer to bc she's of tafe for awhile now. Won't be that long though but longer than last time.
Really hoping we can just reach something. l'm really feeling and worried about time and things just going on forever to still nowhere. l dunno, l'd much rather be in a frame of mind where l was just relaxing and letting cards fall where they may in life , but l just feel this time dragging on in circles. We were suppose to be free to start life properly when her cases were done , not this for yrs on end next, after all that.