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living alone

randomx
Community Member

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

 

740 Replies 740

randomx
Community Member

l'm having doubts.

lt's still the Sydney thing. Thing is she's looking at places and talking about houses and talking how much she loves it there. Her kids right there and especially atm for them both and l know , of course.

l've thought a lot about it since her case finished and in all honesty. l do not wanna live there it's just not what l had in mind and l've been thinking of what l want 5yrs now after this house. And that couldn't be more opposite to Sydney , let alone going back to money and stress paying for it, l've been planning on quitting work , l want to as early as l can, and that's all sorted l'm just waiting on selling this place and that'll be that. So not only don't l wanna live in Sydney anyway , and that my daughters here in Vic, Sydney would blow everything l had planned out of the water and l'd be back to working just to pay for it. Couldn't even buy a house there that'd be just to rent and l've been checking rents even the basic is dearer pw than what my house payment here is p/mth.

Considering how far it is and how much work and the expense , hotels and all too , it's basically been 13 mths apart from 2 quick ones , should l even open that can of worms again ? Bc l do wanna go live in Sydney..

rx

randomx
Community Member

Amazing doing posts in forums.

Bc l "don't" wanna live in Sydney- anyone else have that problem? Although l'm dyslexic so l suppose most probably never do it but how many times does one word totally change a meaning, and l do it in just about anything l write anywhere.

Anyway , just in continuation , we've decided l'll still go up and we'll see later from there.

Says she's not totally closed to not living there but l dunno, l might be riddled with guilt forever dragging her away if l did.

Back to we'll see.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi rx,

I type wrong word all the time too.

It's a huge move. I wouldn't want to live there either lol. Make the visit, you both deserve that, then see what happens, how you feel.

Cmf

randomx
Community Member

Hi cm.

Do ya yeah , l have the knack of excelling on key words in the middle of key sentences that somehow turn it into the opposite every time damn it.

Anyway yep, good idea.

rx. 00

randomx
Community Member

Back home, slept most of the day. Sort of a shame sort of not that l couldn't stay longer.She's doing tafe right now though and had 4 days straight studying coming so once she went back accommodation was too damn expensive to waste waiting around doing nothing. Don't think l'll just wing it next time though ahhhh, might pay to line some stuff up before l get there.

Anyway , things kinda didn't go too good unfortunately either. My trip up was really nice but Sydney traffic roads tunnels just bloody everywhere and fees were pretty rough on me haha.My gps wouldn't work either, got lost all over and l'll probably have about a grand in fines coming in the mail too. Luckily they seem like pretty patient drivers though and put up with me all over the place haha. Thankfully when l finally did find gf's place her gps worked and she did a great job getting us outa there, thank the Gods.

The us wellllll, we kinda had a fight, it wasn't much but we were especially me so tired l just didn't deal with it too well, once l'm tired that's it l don't do bs well. Anywayyyy, it was still beautiful to be together again and we had some really special time. l didn't know what to expect tbh the way she's been carrying on12mths but she was just her old self and so were we, it's all still there and as if the last 12mths apart and everything else didn't even happen.

Lots of talking to and as beautiful as that was unfortunately though , what to do with this now ? We're even considering long distance , or if she got a place of her own later on that'd take care of huge expenses and accommodation hassles visiting. My brothers been long distance with his gf 25yrs. Only 4hrs drive apart though is helluva lot different to a Great Ocean rd to Sydney apart though. And l'd have a lot of trouble just sitting round up there too wks on end bc apart from the us factor, l'd have nothing else going on there or interest in anything else soooo. Long term it's not much of a solution , not forgetting the distance itslef on top of it.

rx

randomx
Community Member

Lots of thoughts obviously, and gf is closer than ever and talking marriage again and calling up with plans and ideas.

She doesn't even mind the idea of us being part time if l stayed down in Vic and we just visited. Says having love is the most important thing even if your not together all the time. And l agree, it is , what is more important in life , yet that which alludes many of us right through our lives, so yeah , it is very very important . Says we'll figure something out it might take a few more yrs but whatever. A few more yrs ????

Trouble is in all honesty, l don't wanna be up in Sydney every few mths for yrs basically twiddling my thumbs on the side apart from us being together at the time for however long each time, or traveling there and back every 5mins. l'd enjoy the her coming down here part of it bc l'd still be in my world and life , and of which she has been a big part of herself here anyway all through too.But with her nerves these days, that won't be very often at all it'd mostly be me and Sydney.

lt's feeling like decision time again.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Sure is.

It's one thing to do long distance but to have to spend time somewhere you don't enjoy is not good. Bit like M & I. I can deal with only seeing him on weekends, having to share that time with sis is just not on.

Cmf

randomx
Community Member

Yeah , it sure is .

l don't even know how to begin with this one now considering, but all l can say is a few days is a long time in the head of gf sometimes andddd, we've had another fight, about the other fight. But it's not really the fight itself, again that was really nothing much, like the other one. it's about the way she changes and things she says when she gets angry. lt's something she's always done since we first met and a trait l despise tbh. Goes from full on lovie dovey to suddenly throwing this or that around, or things yrs old that weren't even anything at the time let alone yrs later but whatever they were had been done and dusted yrs anyway until- Get her angry and apparently not after all. Not to mention new things you've never even heard of just for good measure, that were apparently perfect just a few day ago too.

l am not impressed let me tell ya.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Yeah, bringing up stuff that's done & dusted means it's clearly not done & dusted for her.

Unfortunately not a good train. You really need to consider everything here. The distance, location, moods, arguments, character.

You need to consider if all this will make you happy long term.

randomx
Community Member

It's been one of my trust things with her from day one and unfortunately no matter how lovey dovey , it still comes out when she's in a shyt and for me all goods fly out the window then and just seem fake.

Wrong choice of words really, done and dusted, more like happened once and has been great the other 50times. You know what, l told her once she was passive aggressive and uses it as a form of manipulation and when she cracks it again next , l still think the same. Some people have this tick and a real knack with this stuff and twisting knowing they'll grate you up a bit. l'm afraid she def' has it too and it's more just that than anything bc most of the time the stuff isn't even logical.

l really hoped she'd stabilize in time now with her situation finally off her shoulders l mean she must feel 1 kg now as compared to 500 before butttt,

rx