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living alone

randomx
Community Member

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

 

740 Replies 740

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Any thoughts on what to do? Do you think if you took the relstionship "pressure" off she would cope better?

Cmf x

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Randomx~

I always see your posts around, helping others and giving thoughtful responses. I'd like to be able to offer you a little comfort if I could. If I can't at leat you might realise people such as myself, near strangers, appreciate you.

You have had a relationship that sounds very much as if mental health issues have been close to the forefront all the time. Forgive me if I misunderstand.

It's natural to be with someone who can understand your troubles and you can understand theirs, and sometimes that works very well.

However it sounds like you have not had the sort of relationship I would wish on you. Having a partner who you can rely upon and trust, as well as care and love. I don't mean somone in any way dishonest, I mean trust to have your back, to know inside your heart they are always going to be there.

And if you have issues they deal with them and if they do not you ease their path though life in other ways.

It can happen. I'm nothing in the least special but have had such a relationship twice. My first partner passed away after 25 years, and my second is still wiht me 20+ years later and still going:)

Both have had to deal with my PTSD, bouts of depression, anxiety and other matters, even though they did not really understand, and I've supported them in other ways. It can work.

So please don't give up, you are a wise and caring person with so much to offer another. In just the same way as less desirable things happen for no discernible reason (there I avoided saying "S.... Happens":) so can good things too

Croix

randomx
Community Member

Hi Croix , and thanks very much for the thoughts.

Your a very lucky man by the sounds of things to. But yeah so true and l wouldn't want less myself. Ex w and l were brilliant in all those ways and still are actually and gf is to normally too, even with what she's been going through this last 12mths. She's still incredible with all that first things she'll ask is about me and how l am. She's incredibly loving and caring, knows a lot about MH too. lt's just with what she's been dealing with up home, it's huge, poor things just lost herself a bit, a lot.

Earlier feelings and of when she's been living here, she's been incredible to really, just mind blowingly caring and considerate, understanding. One reason l couldn't pin down why l had the hesitancy, l finally can see now though it was mainly her situation. l've got very big news on all that actually but we're still just getting over the shock right now so l'll recover first.

Her on of's this last 6 mths though admittedly have been really frustrating and causing all sorts of doubts. But she's gone through so much and there's a post up there now of when she's explained it all just last wk finally now so that was a really nice surprise.

l do hope for what you have though, so nice , encouraging to hear to actually. She is very very capable of all that that is for sure and if we do get back to it once all her legals and troubles are sorted , it'd be a dream come true.

Thanks again for the thoughts .

rx

randomx
Community Member

Well , we had huge news last Thursday. l haven't even known what to write here bc nothing, nothing , could express it. But her main Court case was over her original granted Visa 8yrs ago to live in Australia, being over turned due to her divorce and ex getting nasty,don't ask, has been over turned again, and her Visa has now been re granted. She can now stay and live in Australia . lt is so huge and everything she has gone through and been fighting for all this time. lt's incredible, so proud of her.

We had a phone party, Champagne and all.And her, her son and his w sent me flowers and a huge thank you for riding it out and supporting her all this time and through her crap ha, that meant almost as much to me as her getting her Visa back. She's soooo happy and it's been so long, so much.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

OMG. OH WOW!

rx...that is amazing.Wow...judging by your reaction I'm guessing you're gonna give things another shot?

I'm really happy you've received this amazing news.

Huge hugs

Cmf x

randomx
Community Member

Ahh cm , thanks so much

Yep we cried happiness for an hour, with Champagne haha. And l'm sooooo happy for her whatever happens, after everything she's been through. She doesn't even care what happens with the other court case even though it's worth 100s of 1,000s of dollars in her settlement. That ones a walk in the park compared to yrs of Australian immigration.

Back on track hmmm, wellll, l'm going up to see her in 2wks time andddd, we'll see. There is still the Sydney thing bc of her son and now her gd is and what why she came to Aus in the first place , so it's a huge thing for her after all this.

So no expectations, but l can't wait to see her even if just to hug her to pieces for hrs, she's earnt it.

rx

randomx
Community Member

ps, Actually though , she said something really funny tonight.

Baby instead of spending heaps of dollars sending me flowers tomorrow - Valentines, l'd rather you put the money in the bank towards my ring.

Cracked me up.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Oh wow...she may have big expectations lol

randomx
Community Member

Ahhh , God knows been such a huge wk for her,she was all tears again this morning, happy and relief tears though, she still can't believe it, me either. But she also knows l don't really wanna live in Sydney soooo, not that that'll slow her down haha.

rx

randomx
Community Member

Today she said Sydney's not really the problem the real problem is she's still not sure if she has the mental health left to be in a relationship.

l'm not too worried right now it's been such a roller coaster last 12mths l really don't have any expectations she hasn't even had time to soak in the news for real yet. l just wanna go see her for now the Gods willing and we'll see from there.

rx