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living alone

randomx
Community Member

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

 

740 Replies 740

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
mctester

randomx
Community Member

Hi cm.

Haaa, gf loves it , l mostly cringe but watch it sentimentally and get a chuckle out of her commentary along the way haha.

Yeah that's my thoughts on vaxing too . Hopefully helping the country get back to life and to help protect loved ones of course too , not to mention l don't want the damn thing either . So many struggling in so many ways , it's a small thing that hopefully will help.

Hope things improve with your daughter God almighty do l understand that one. We're seeming good again now and she's been such a sweetheart but we had a nasty fight through the wk and added to the last 18mths. Over all though l'm really proud of her she's been through so much but she's gotten through it and improving all the time.

lt is hard though with her back bc gf was originally coming back down but no way could handle drams with my d in the state and stress she;s in although they do get along well. She's been great support though and understands BP as one in her family have it .

l've also had a really big yr going on and a lot more to come now as l finally fire up more. But l'd psychologically prepared myself and the way l'd live to get through it and cope and get things l need to do done . D was suppose to be interstate so her being back has blown my whole plan and yr out of the water and l'm basically just stumbling through ea wk now and living the best l can to cope - hence our fight last wk , but it's not the yr l'd had planned let me say that much.

So hard for you guys too , causes all kinds of stresses on you both l know . l hope m can be a good support for you and that your d finds her feet again and levels out. Not to mention what she'd be facing too in it all and a very big school yr .

lt's bloody hard isn;t it. Tbh , l really don't know how most parents even do it tbh , but under these circumstances and yours this yr , and more kids to boot . Hope the wkend brings you some reprieve and you and m can be together for a bit.

rx

randomx
Community Member

Gf's going over to her sons for two wks to help out with the baby. So with everything going on for her and now her being there awhile , we probably won't talk much she's gonna be sooooooo stressed. Since she was there last their relationship went sour again and she was already having trouble with his w as it was.

The son is going through major stuff with Covid related work things so his been at home with a very cranky wifey pressures, bills , new baby pressures , work pressures and lock downs. Poor gf is worried sick about how it will go. But he asked if she could and she wants to help if she can. His w doesn't exactly not like her as such she just gets very territorial with the family the house the kitchen the baby. She's also gone gf thinks post natal and is just in a foul mood 24 7 too.

Soooooo, the poor things gonna have her hands full. l just hope they treat her well and look after her , she can't take anymore right now.

rx

randomx
Community Member

Feeling pretty nowhere , alone, pointless, possible incoming rant.

This thing with gf is so all over the place and so nowhere , living like this apart, so not even knowing if together again even happens - it's starting to feel ridiculous, a blind faith. Feeling like we're waiting around on her and all the crap, and for who knows how much longer, and to what end.

Although she has completely turned back to us lately and been as loving as she ever, where as even that was hard to know for awhile there,We've been talking about where to move to and all again. But it feels like she can turn on a penny at any time too, so sadly l take it grain of salt.

Seems , cm is waiting more yrs for kids and sis's and family crapola and properties, and wondering where it's all gonna go. Em , l'm not sure what you guys plans are but from memory they're a few yrs away yet too. And l'm on hold with some half in half out to when does it end what am l doing thing.

We could've been living all this life together, she wanted too, persisted with me, even came up and back in the middle of covid 3times for me, us. l'm certainly getting my pay back aren't l. We probably won't talk until she comes back from her sons, so l suppose l could call it time to think.

To think about the future you imagine both scenarios so in this case , us , or no us , or starting again,l couldn't imagine. Especially someone new , or even close to things so important to me about us and about gf and why l'm here persisting myself now. Besides. l'm living like a hermit, how would l even meet anyone new anyway. Mind you l do get out and around a lot though through the day. But you think about the whole picture, yaknow.

l think, so maybe l met someone of English native or even Australian , maybe she drives too haha, things would be sooooo different to gf and l, how would that be ? l can't even imagine it tbh, nor even bothering. l suffered grass is greener a lot in younger days. No l never played around really but at times it was hard being married ha, now l can't even imagine anyone else.

We still say and did the just other night again, we just can't see anyone else, only us. And she said if her stuff doesn't work out she'd stay alone forever bc she doesn't want anyone else. Normally and this has been my whole life, lf l can't see something , it means it's not gonna happen and it's deadly accurate. Well l can't see anyone else, but will this go on forever? Maybe this time l'm wrong.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Aaaaahh gees,

You are in a tough situation. I really don't think you're ready to move on. Yes. I'm waiting, waiting, things to be sorted, but at least we see each other.

I know you had your chance but you weren't ready, too soon. You weren't to know it would end up like this. Don't beat yourself up.

Normally in this situation I'd say maybe it's not meant to be, but maybe there's another reason it's playing out like this. What concerns me is hoe you mention she changes at the drop of a hat. Not wanting to meet anyone else is OK too. It's OK to move on and not be ready to be with anyone else. Have time to come to terms with your loss & sadness.

Oh dear, it is tricky. Wish I had more solid advice. Only you can decide what's best.

Big hugs

Cmf x

randomx
Community Member

Thanks cm. And yeah , must be unreal being so close and on hand , forget what that feels like tbh, must be nice though.

Not much anyone can say l know , just getting it out of my head. lt's a decision . lt has worried me too changing so easily but every time l think of things em described and gf is in exactly the same frame sooooo , l dunno.

Don't worry no one round that would even remotely interest l'm only meaning much much later if that side of things, yrs maybe, certainly wouldn't be jumping back into anything anytime soon. Still couldn't see it though.

Just life though really , suppose if l decided to drop this , life goes on right . l'd probably make totally different moving plans too if it not gonna be with gf, very different.

Not meant to be yeah, maybe , l wonder. Most wouldn't have the stuff these days to ride it out the way we have . Or maybe it is and that's why we don't let it go, who bloody knows. l don't have to be bothering, well apart from feelings . l had the heart l could dump it all right now say ok call me when your done we'll see where we're both at then. Have talked about it , but we really don't want to, if it's us we want then we wanna ride it out not break up in the middle of it.

At the same time it'd be understandable if one of us wanted too and if things don't come up in Dec l'd be seriously considering where to from there.

rx

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Heya rx,

Sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment with gf. Living apart from each other while still in love, but circumstances preventing you two being together, and the uncertainty of what the future would be like (ie. your gf's situation, what do you want).

Since you mention about "riding it out", I was wondering if this feeling of "riding it out", may be from what you learned from your previous relationship; where you felt things would've worked out if you had rode things out with her? I had a thought about this concept of "riding it out", and feels like by "riding it out", we're staying still and waiting. It prevents us from moving forward with life, from what we truly want to do, from accepting any change that comes into our lives. Without change, there is no growth, and without growth we become stale.

I can't say whether riding it out, or letting her go, is the right answer. But will be thinking about ya, hoping you have the strength, courage, and confidence to do what you feel is right for the both of you in your current situation.

Jt

Hi jt , thanks for dropping in.

But nah , it's about us and who we are, which is very rare , and of course love, feelings. Skimmed it a bit through the thread. Decision though yeah l mean we can't go on indefinitely like this , sorta already talked or probably ranted haha about all that too but yeah , l'll have to see. Nothin to do with ex though and don't worry l've had more change through my life than 10 people.

How you doin anyway , your giving off a stronger feel lately which is nice to see , no murmurs from the ex ?

rx

Hey rx,

As long as your partner knows how you feel about her is truly what's important here, being apart and separated from our loved ones is a consequence of outside forces at the moment, (it will not last!).And there are a few things that we can do for ourselves in this moment to make this situation feel less of a cycle of suffering and longing to one of incredible growth and insight. If we are willing step back, take a deep breath and look within, with no judgement or expectations with the situation can reveal a lot about what lays ahead, BUT you have to look at it with complete understanding honesty and compassion, honest for how things came to be, understanding for there could be many underlying obstacles at hand, and compassion towards those involved especially for ourselves, because as you know we can't control what's happening outside and around us( in this crazy world) at the moment let alone how someone else maybe feeling no matter how much we are desperate for that connection and togetherness . I say this because I too was in this situation, only my other didn't come back and that's ok, I wish her all the Happyness and abundance in the world I truly do , giving love to the situation without an outcome that benefitted me was only the way forward, and I am so grateful for the experiences we shared and have grown as person 100 fold because of it. Giving love compassion and understanding to all involved is all you can do like you said its blind faith but faith is what's needed.

I wish you all the best my friend with all my heart, and hope these words help.

Mak it happin.

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi rx,

Yeah, I read your rant. Glad you're still sharing your side of things, I find that it really helps a lot when there's a lot going through our minds.

Unfortunately no words from ex on my end, has been for 3 months, and there's nothing I can do about it. There are still good days (where my mind is occupied with other things), while some days are the bad days (slight grief and sadness from the loss, throw in some irritation and anger), I feel I'm handling it better these days than before though. It's as you said before, it's hard to let go of someone whom I love so deeply, and I've accepted that these feelings will remain in me for a long time (or probably forever). So will just learn to live with it. Love is an internal feeling within myself, and the person whom I love won't know how much I love them anyways.

On the bright side, I feel I've grown a lot as a person, comparing to how I was in the past few years. The whole "Treat life with curiosity and not conviction" has helped me see things from perspectives that my past self wouldn't have thought about, and I'm quite happy with it as I get to learn and keep growing. House is also ready to be moved into, so will have to start arranging the move soon :). iirc, your home is ready to be sold as well? Or is there still work to be done?

Jt