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living alone

randomx
Community Member

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

 

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randomx
Community Member

Thank God l forgot but she hopes to move out of where she is next wk.

You might be right about the cases time span too em l know, pretty sure the money one will go on much longer as they do . We hoped the visa problem will come up sooner rather than later though and talked about her coming back and doing the rest from here if that worked out. She's thinking by Christmas though but l'm thinking 18 mths 2 yrs even for that one yet now sooooo. Hence the dilemma magnified now with all the latest , just feel like l better make up my mind which way l'm going in this considering the frame she's been in.

She uses all sorts of tricks to get through too , you need to find it l've had to myself but yeah she exercises and has certain readings and you tubes, also a counselor.

Thanks again for the man thoughts em.

rx


randomx
Community Member

l've had for mths now a thought , l hate it but l'm not complaining as such bc it concerns my d and blood it the thickest of all when it comes to our children right so , just sayin.

But of course gf knows everything we've been through with her and so when she moved back in or more so you would say come home from interstate , was around the time gf was talking about coming back down and handling things from here instead. But and l knew of course , wehn my d came home , it would be too much for gf , she couldn't handle living with the drama in the frame she was in at the time or since. Unfortunately that's when she started being all over the place and back tracking. But what can you do.

Anyway , unfortunately l have heaps of gf's stuff here and damned if l know what to do with it all. There's one of her computers and it's an expensive machine. My br draws and rails have heaps of her clothes and most of it is beautiful stuff way too good to donate, well unless she gave me the ok . There's medicines, expensive shoes and other stuff all round the house.

l never asked her earlier bc she looked like coming back down anyway so it was fine here. But now as with the way things stand , l'd rather it was gone and out of my face, or at least out of sight. l can't ask her l know she has nowhere for it and it's the last thing she needs to worry about right now or feel some silly pressure over.

Suppose l'll have to box it up and take from there. Her sons place is also full of her stuff no way he'll want more. She'd probably just say l don't care just donate it, but there's still the computer / And what if she comes down again l love some of this stuff on her a lot of it's my fav , it'd be such a shame to just lose it all.

rx

randomx
Community Member

Actually , if l was to ask her what to do with the stuff she knows it's not a room problem, so if she was to say donate it then that'd be a pretty good sign she doesn't think she'll be back. Well apart from the computer.

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Heya RX,

Hope you're doing well buddy. I feel, if you do ask her, she might be troubled with thinking about what to do with it, and may even have torn thoughts about wanting to come back, but unsure whether things will go as plan and she can then return to you. Perhaps pack it up into boxes, let her know that you've packed up her stuffs for her, and she can let you know what to do with them when she feels better?

Jt

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hey rx

Still tons of thoughts on everything, pretty hard.

We had 5 Courts over many years. I didn't sack my Lawyer, she was the ONLY one I could engage, since demon had "conflicted me out" of every law firm in IDK 100klm?
I'd inadvertently conflicted HIM out of my one only bec their firm had done a Property exchange for me YEARS before even meeting demon.
Such is life hey? Click my tongue and HIGH FIVE lol.

I think that more or less answers your queries since I was here last.

IDK rx no one could really blame you beginning a new relationship.
Sure it'd be a bit of a pickle if things did settle earlier for GF, you have the foresight to see this, so it's completely up to you.

Can you just pack all of GFs things up in boxes and store them somewhere out of sight as much as possible?
It can't be fun seeing her things around all over the place.

For now it could help to just leave it up to the Universe / God / whatever and follow your own instincts on all else - phone GF whenever you want to, etc.
It's not really as though you can control things happening up there.

When things open up more, would you like to travel up to see her?

Is daughter living at home atm?

Yes things get pretty tough here a lot. I took Leave this week. Alexa had surgery yesterday, prodigal son still doing his HSC Trials, others working hard and studying, full time housekeeper atm lol. Beginning the Chook Palace build tomorrow with our Handyman's help. Never a dull moment lol!

Yes absolutely coming into the forums is a kind of escape from real life but I've made some really wonderful friends and their support & kindness is very welcome.

Take care!
EMxxxx

Hi jt and thanks for the thoughts my friend.

But nah , l was just saying to myself what ifs out loud really in reality though nah no way l'd trouble her with that it'd just invoke all kinds of things she certainly doesn't need right now. l will have to put it all somewhere though out of sight or something, for me.

Anyway we talked today - she sent me something,we're not getting far are we.We were emotional and loving for ea other , she is really feeling this so am l. But l don't want to make it any harder not for her or for myself. lt's becoming pretty clear that it "is" , about her cases though, holding on and seeing it through. Not "us" as such , we're just a huge extra that she can't cope with or feel responsible for on top of it right now.

Doesn't really help the situation though still leaves things where they are which l feel for my own good l really need to treat it as broken up , at least for now and a possibility of moving on. l think in time contact will fade bc unfortunately it's not doing either of us any good for sure.

How are you doing anyway jt and hows the situation going ?

rx

randomx
Community Member

Hiya em.

And thanking u kindly as always.

Yep my d's still here home again ha, she's equivalent to 3gfs believe me my God she manages to get herself into some crapola . For a young adult of way above average intelligence though the way it works is that kind of magnifies manic when it does come around you see, hard to explain. But yeah she is sleeping well though bc she doesn't have a car atm so she's home and bored more haha, and so she's eating better and looking after herself more and that all helps manic hugely ,so there's a win , the more of that and routine the better she gets. Nope won't take her meds.

You had 5cases , my God , that'd be enough to push anyone over especially with the demons trickery going on, wonder woman .

gf did have one female lawyer that was brilliant and she was 100% in her court with everything , this lady had it nailed for sure. But damn it she went to another firm , it was such a kick in the guts.

But nah , there's no one else on the scene or the horizon . Life is life though right, and in a situation like this life does tend to happen and usually at the worst times so you can't help but think about the future yaknow, so who knows. l couldn't even imagine anyone else though tbh, but she wouldn't like my house full of gf's stuff nonetheless l know that much haha.

Seeing gf yeah , well if we were still us , of course , and l'd love a trip somewhere or up to sydney after all this lock down bs too that's for sure. l would've said doubt that's gonna be happening though in the frame she's been in but after her call yesterday, not so sure now tbh.

That's the biggest bloody dilemma for me tbh. There's just been so much on and off for so long now l just badly need physiologically to be in or out now, one or the other, on or bloody off, yaknow. This is why l worry about us still being in touch , although l could never not answer her calls or messages but we see l suppose. Still have that feeling something is brewing , it won't pass now until whatever that is actually happens that's how it works but l'll know when it's closer, it's a way off yet soooo, we see . But maybe it's actually gf getting of a plane, l can't tell, not living in hope though l'll be just going about my business.

Haaa, just what you need , some out there with the chooks nature and some time on the nice new palace for the girls eh , perfect. l suppose mr turkey will be supervising , he cracks me up.

Big huggems.

rx

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Heya rx,

I'm sorry to hear that man. It certainly seems like a struggle when you're both in love with each other, but cannot be together due to circumstances. The longer this goes on, the harder it becomes for the two of you to move forward. I hope you'll be able to find the strength and courage to do what is necessary, so that the two of you may move on and focus on what is critically important at present. Only time will slowly reveal what lies ahead for the two of you; maybe even a better version of each other.

I'm doing alright, thanks rx. There are days where I still think about ex, and yesterday while listening to a sad song, just triggered a whole bag of thoughts and memories that I feel still needs time to be processed. Still on No-Contact terms with ex, and sometimes I wonder if we'll ever be in contact with each other again. Even though the ball is in her court, I sometimes wonder if I should initiate contact with her to remind her that the ball is in her court still. But I'd be doing myself a disservice, mainly because I feel it isn't right for me to do so. After all, it was her call to end it, and it was a blindsided act for me. My self-worth is telling me "You deserve better, you can't stoop yourself that low to wanting her back, and she needs to prove that she has changed. Otherwise, all the self-improvement that I've worked on so far, will all be for the same person who's still able to hurt me the same way they did in the past".

I'm also working through my own problems at the moment. While there's still much to learn, on a more positive note, I feel better than I was a few months ago.

Jt

Thanks jt as always.

l suppose we could or l could if l felt that was best, but l'm not sure . Maybe it is only 6mths , or even 3 , then l'd rather we rode it out especially if it's a good outcome and it's pretty likely it will be ok l've always felt it will and technically it's only ex's malarkey, buttttt. 2yrs, hmmm, nother story.

We talked more today , she had some news she wanted to tell me, l dunno.

Yeah you don't listen to those songs man , unfortunately l can't play my all time fav song anymore, it's best for me.

Feelings are a huge thing , they're your guide and they tell you it isn't your place bc of how things went so yeah , your doing the right thing and if you can go with that is my vote. That's one of my problems, it doesn't feel right us forcing this apart, it feels like we should be riding it out. But if you feel to that you need somethings from her first , then l'd go with that too bc as hard as that is , it's telling you right from wrong but l know too what a tossle it all is and saying that's one thing but listening to ourselves and doing what we think should be is another , l know. And yeah , you are right , things can't work if your the only one aware and trying to better those things , if there were things on both sides.

l hope the other stuff is coming a long for ya man , lifes complex isn't it eh , always something. Still going ahead with the house or ? Mine does look like it could be ready to sell end of yr , forget if l mentioned why but l've been waiting on a subdivision.

Just saying to my brother yesterday though , really , l just don't have it right now, couldn't be bothered with any of it or starting over somewhere else. Speaking of forcing things though , the problem is l just don't feel any future here for me, and prices might drop next yr Covid and all , so if l hold off, could get stuck here.

Take care of yourself my friend eh.

rx

randomx
Community Member

Tbh , that's what's wrong with this whole picture for me. We're going against what l'm truly feeling and l think her too. Practical sides are trying to protect ourselves and ea other in self preservation and to help her cope and get through. But truth is it feels forced and swimming against tides. Tough talks of moving on, cleaning the house , or someone else, just feels like bs.

rx