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living alone

randomx
Community Member

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

 

740 Replies 740

randomx
Community Member

Must admit though, right now l am starting to feel the pinch of our decision despite anything that might or not , be coming.

Missing her today, and talking to her , and knowing how she's going too. Hard not to worry in the situation she's in.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Pretty normal to feel that way. Feelings don't just stop cos you make a decision....

Doesn't mean you stop caring.

Hugs

Cmf x

randomx
Community Member

Yeahhhh, l know, damn it , and thanks too cm. l was riding those feelings l've been getting believe me l knew they were carrying me right now but alas , of course it wasn't going to last.

l think this is the longest we've never spoken , tbh l expected to hear from her by now.

rx . o

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Dear rx

Feeling for you buddy.

With no intention to add to any anxiety over GF, but we're a way away from Sydney and the lock down being enforced here is eerie.
I can barely find a moment to call BF between the sirens going past and helicopters flying overhead.

If GF already struggles to express herself clearly in English, it's an added struggle for her to do so.

Perhaps she sees the writing on the wall for her departure from Oz.
She also probably wants and needs to spend as much quality time with her family and new grandchild now, in person while she can.

Her battle for survival with little money and the Court cases stress will be culminating in a virtual living nightmare for her alone.
No one close to her, not you, not her family, no one is actually going through it but her.

It's gone on for SO long and the nightmare worsens with LD being apocalyptic and never being able to see you, for comfort and protection in some ways. That really hurts.

It was embarrassing and humiliating for me to tell BF that I was hungry to feed the kids, so I barely did.
Just asked him to stop sending me photos of gourmet meals he was eating.

I couldn't have hope for the future whilst trying to survive for that day on all levels.

On a lighter note I hope, I like that you had a fuzzy premonition type feeling happening.

The one thing us oldies know for sure is that the only constant is CHANGE.

That fuzzy feeling seemed to signal change for the better?

I'm sure that's coming for you rx.

EMxxxx

randomx
Community Member

Hiya em. Your a thoughtful bugger, don't know where you get the time and energy for this place left after everything else your dealing with. Mind you l know it can actually be the relaxing part of our days can't it really too, in some weird way.

And yeppa , l'm afraid it's all of the above and more for her , you've been there you know. And with this bloody lock down even her son and new gd are 2hrs by train , she can't even see them atm now. And what's with the choppers btw ?

Normally she can talk about anything we crap on all day and night half the time but as l say with tricky things sometimes the translation can get hard for her. And as for you too yeah she's been so embarrassed with everything too though none of it's her fault but we feel how feel l know. We do think it will all come out though and she'll be ok and lawyers agree , but the poor buggers still scared to death because you never know if your right until after , yaknow. Can always get one wrong that's for sure.

But haaa yep it will , these always have. l think l know what it is l've had this particular one only twice before it's becoming clearer now both times spot on but we see. Sorry for your lock downs though God l can't believe any of it at this stage in the game really. Thank the Gods for those chooks , funny turkeys and gardens eh. Melbourne's not looking good either atm , poor buggers down there have had enough for sure.

You take care and thanks for the thoughts .

rx

randomx
Community Member

Spoke to gf tonight , was my doing. Just wanted to check in on her and talk a bit. She's isolated at her accommodation which is only a room and tiny kitchenette . The bloody windows don't open , 3rd floor. God l'd go crazy could not live with sealed windows .

Anyway , not much to report , we both sounded pretty sluggish l know l'm tired tonight she's been stressed and anxiety ridden . We talked a little and then said ni nights.

With this lock down up there now and back logs , no way now her cases are gonna be coming up any time soon , they'll be well into next yr at the earliest is my guess now. The legals will probably shut down too for who knows how long. Didn't bring it up though she's already feeling bad enough.

ln two minds.

rx

randomx
Community Member

l don't know about us still being in touch here and there under the circumstances.

TBH , it feels like we've split up , although neither of us called it that but really there's been very very little talk of the future 5 or 6mts now since she's gotten to where she is.Or when there was it quickly disappeared again. We use to talk about all life and plans all the time , marriage , houses , us , everything. l know it's probably a lot like EM described back during the time she was going through her situation , and gf is in a place where she just hasn't even been able to even think of the future , but that side of things is still a worry.

With all the new lock downs and everything going on , there'll be even more of a back log and her cases could well easily be for sure now 12mths away , even longer. lf she's lost all drive for our future over this last 6mths since she went back , imagine adding another 12 or 18mths to that.

l've thought being in touch a little at least keeps the candle burning but maybe it's more like holding onto a false hope with the frame she's been in. lf the cases do take that long which is pretty likely now , it could well be 2yrs from when we were last together and with the way she's been , false hope would be pretty detrimental.

Maybe it's better we aren't in touch .

Any thoughts ?

rx

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Dear sweet rx

It pains me to see you twisting yourself in knots over this but alas it's what my dear BF went through also. Bless you both!!!!

It's SO MUCH like what I went through and I cannot express how heavy and extremely hard every breath was.

Her future?
The next Lawyer's email.
Reading it (omg for her and in English - Prayers!).
Then RESPONDING.

Then worrying; how much will THAT cost? What can I do? How will I afford to eat? How can I pay this bill or that one?

My "future" was getting through the next TEN SECONDS at times.

When BF "fluffed" about "our future" I couldn't cope.
I had to shut him down.

OF COURSE I WANTED THAT!
But I was in what's worse than a LIMBO... I was in a hole being dug deeper for me and my kids by a narcissistic psychopath. No light.

I had FAITH which kept me going, kept me HOPING. Kept me Praying.
Miraculously gave me the energy to fight the GOOD fight.

BF opposed so much of what I was doing. How could he even understand?

I had ZERO control over any decision demon COULD have made but it's a demon so will always be opposite of good.

Seemingly same as GF.

Rx I'm your friend.
I really hate saying this but as a friend I have to be brave and say it.

This definitely could last years.
I have around 2y left before I'm hoping to be free of the Family Law tendrils - restrictions Property AND Children.
So that's what? 9 years? hell on wheels.

I Pray someone rescinds.
Doesn't sound like GF or her ex will.

I would never have given in. Never.

I used some techniques that HELPED.
I made them up myself via inclinations I saw on Closed FB groups for women going through similar and my knowledge of Family Law.

By the time it reached FL Courts, I'd been studying FL for around 3y I think. Reading up to 700 pages a night.
I could comprehend things, it was written in a language I could understand (not my homeland language but I was proficient in English).
I could see the fine line I had to tread applying FL to my own situation.

I LED my Lawyers and Barristers.
They didn't lead me.
They disagreed about SO MUCH and I forced them to do it anyway.

At closing, all my Lawyers and Barristers said they had a steep learning curve with my cases.
They'd never worked on such a "complex case".
I opened their eyes to possibilities.

So same with you guys.

Rx please write, draw, express here your hopes and dreams for you and your dream partner.
It may not be GF but you have a beautiful future ahead.

Love EMxxxx

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Heya RX,

I thought I'd chime into your thread. I feel perhaps she just needs the time and space by herself to sort through her problems. As much as it hurts her to want to be with you, but can't, it is something that she needs to deal with first. She feels the need to take care of her own problems first before being able to reconsider a future with you. Not being able to talk about the future, could be due to the overwhelming amount of stress and anxiety that stems from her court case, as well as the newly emerged feelings of being away from you because of circumstances. Throwing in the lockdown too, it makes things even worse for a lot of people too...

I resonate with ya on the "being in touch a little at least keeps the candle burning". It was something I did in the past too until my ex decided to pull out the "No Contact" card 2 months ago. I thought checking in on her MH, and trying to spark small convo may help her through. But in reality, it's just hurting both of us more (or at least, for myself. I can't confirm what she's thinking, but I'd assume it's similar to myself). It's a really tricky situation to be in.

No-contact feels right for the two of you, as you both need time and space apart from each other to deal with the heart break. But if you feel strong enough, you can let her know that she can contact you if she feels the need to reach out to you for help. During the no-contact period, give yourself some self-care that will help occupy your mind. We have no idea how the future will turn out, but it's better to keep moving forward than to stay at the same spot. We want things to improve/change, and that only happens if we move forward. Once things are better, perhaps both your paths will come across each other once more.

Jt

randomx
Community Member

Ahhhh, em , thank you kindly for the words and support.

l worry about you round here bc you have more than your hands full and now the lock downs , well bc of the bloody lock downs triple so l know.

But yeppa , basically things to a T. And there's two separate court cases , one for the money she's owed , 250 t0 1/2 million actually, but she'd settle for 200 and peace right now, she just can't tell the ex that or he'd offer her 20. But which is why ex and his mum are doing this , and so the other situation too , brought on by dear mum actually .You were probably juggling at least two yourself.

So yeah, imagine handling it all through translators on top and legal jargon, and the money , even food is a huge deal right now. And the poor thing's stuck on the 3rd floor with windows that don't even open , in lock down, that's like prison to her, she needs sky and air like l do, jezuz.

And yep , she fired 2 lawyers, but so tired now she can't go through it again with more from scratch so she's stuck with the 2 she has , both useless.

Haaa, dream partner you reckon , funny that . We have such an incredible peace when she's here , she would be it. The peace is just a magical thing. We just get each,our lives and that we're both in the exact same spot. lt's different to what ex and l had , but something l began to value above all else, so that although probably impossible with her touch , in anyone else , would def' be at the top of the list now that l've lived it.

Hi jt and thanks very much dropping in and the thoughts. Sadly yeah , in many ways l feel l'm better living as if we don't have a future and l tone it down bc honestly, we're looking at 2 more yrs of this now with on going lock downs. Takes nothing, nothing , to confuse and stop lawyers and courts dead , but with all this , my God they may as well have a 3 ft thick brick wall in front of them.But of course l don't mention that to gf. But l think the poor things in for a long long haul yet. She's thinking by Christmas it;ll be all done , that's her main reason for staying and dealing with it but l don't have the heart to say what l think.

Maybe it's best as per my original thoughts mths ago , l don't really have a choice but to just go on with life and whatever it brings.

lt is bringing something too as l said earlier l feel it coming, l just hope l'm not backed into a corner where by l'll have to choose. Couldn't handle that.

rx