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living alone

randomx
Community Member

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

 

740 Replies 740

randomx
Community Member

Forgot to mention.

This is really weird , but my daughters tried to pair me off with her friends mums 3 times in the last mth. l dunno whether to laugh cough or cry , but it's kinda cute, kinda funny.

And of course l've said ahhh , darlin , for a start , l'm still with gf anyway l can't just bounce off onto someone else - she thinks l should dump it and see where we're at after her craps over. So l'm getting match made "and",,,,, cancelled too, by my daughter these days , there's one for ya.

But do kids not understand love and commitment these days ? Yet she loves gf and they get along really really well . But still , the throw away world and mentality it has become eh.

rx

Jstar49
Community Member

Hi rx,

that’s a bit cute!
I would hazard a guess that she sees you on your own, and hears some of your inner turmoil, and just wants you to be happy.

That’s easier said than done!

that’s lovely tho isn’t it! She obviously thinks you’ve got a lot to offer.

Not easy to give up on ppl. I’m trying to focus on what the problems really are, in my r/ship, what is mine, what’s his, what can change, what must be accepted.
You might be doing a similar thing.
Although at the base of it, I guess we all really consider the base line commitment. And if you’re getting mixed messages rx, then that’s gotta make the process harder.
If you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the relationship, then it’s understandable you’re getting tired, periodically, and need a break just to clear your head.
Hope you’re looking after you, rx, and listening to your body’s cues.

Cheers,

J*

randomx
Community Member

Haaa , yeah l'm a good catch haha, d knows that.

Of course she wants me happy but as l tell her just bc your not paired off or in our case separated doesn't mean your not happy and often very content too actually. Guys l know live it up without a partner they're never going back, have myself to many a time matter of fact the only time l have problems or stress these days is when a woman's involved , sorta funny , sorta not. Don't know too many married people l envy though. Gf's wanted us to marry 18mths now so did ex but tbh, l'm not even sure l wanna go back to that yet,

But anyway , whole nother topic eh. What happens with d though is most of her friends mums are single and they ask about me, they've even sent pics it's that funny. Tricky too bc how to l tell the friend ahhh, sorry , she ain't y type. Funny too one is rich with properties all over the place and with her own place up in the hills over looking the coast. Now that ones really tempting haha, except l'm not even remotely attracted to her. She was one of the ones gave my d pics but her friend was right there and they're pushing her big time and l'm thinking , you couldn't pay me darlin but of course l have to think of something polite- it gets tricky believe me.

Think d and me are gonna have to have anther talk haha.

randomx
Community Member

l've been making a decision this last few wks and sadly l've decided l'm stepping away from things for awhile. Properly l mean , not one of our breaks that are never breaks anyway.

We talked about it today and l don't really want any contact again now for at least awhile or maybe even not until after her crap and she , is sorted out. l feel very guilty as if l've bailed on her but l can't do this on off and at beck and call for when she feels like being us again for a day bs , or even support her properly like that anyway. lt's def' not doing me any good either.

The doors not closed but l feel right now this is the best for both of us her situation and mine atm. She can't even cope or sort herself out atm let alone us too , which has just been making it impossible for me to then either.

rx

Lillylane
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi RX,

It’s completely understandable that you’ve come to that decision.

Even when people love each other, sometimes they just can’t make it work. It’s not giving up on love to break up when it is done with deep thought and consideration. Sometimes that’s what each person needs to heal and move forward with their lives.

Love has a funny way of showing up when you least expect it.

Your d is very wise for her age. She takes after you, right? 🙂

lillylane

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey rx

You certainly have been back and forth and you're well being needs to be your focus. I know it was a tough decision but you need to look after you. You've done all you can in a difficult situation. You've been supportive, honest, caring...but it's taken it toll.

How did she react?

Here for you whenever you need.

Hugs

Cmf x

randomx
Community Member

Haaa , well ldk Lilly, but thanks very much , lm hoping she'll be a lot wiser than me though tbh. l have a strange kind of sight , hoping hers develops into something a bit more life practical yaknow,She does have something very very special people have always picked it up and we always saw it but unfortunately this last yr or two it's all been thrown straight out the window for now.

gf , God tbh , l just don't know . Wouldn't really call it breaking up as such l know we'll both still be there and as l say the door would be open at least for awhile buttttt, some time away we might say , for now. See what happens.

hIYa cm and thanks very much for the kind words and thoughts and yeah it has been getting too much for sure. She was a bit like me , for some reason it doesn't feel like it'll be real or for very long , hard to explain .

Thanks again , rx.

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hey rx, gosh there were lots of posts to catch up with! Going 9 to the dozen here puff pant puff (that's me trying to catch my breath after a marathon of reading lol!).

Hey big hugs big fella. No matter what, this must still hurt.

You were right a few posts ago when you said she was saying all the things that I was saying during my Dark Ages. It really was THE most tumultuous of times - every breath feels like it's being controlled by the next lawyer's or Barrister's email, emails from Courts - absolutely 150% relentless.

I couldn't even care for MYSELF let alone extend any caring for BF.
I was desperately fighting for SURVIVAL.

It's impossible to understand unless a person has been in this exact set of circumstances.

I just felt the pain in my heart remembering all that stress.

Rx you've made the right decision to "pause" things for now.
Having the situation effect YOU so tumultuously just wasn't helping anybody, including yourself.

You did everything you could.
And as you say, it's not that all hope is lost.
It's not always possible to switch feelings of enduring love for a person quite so easily.
Depends on the Visa situation in the end too I guess.

Whatever this time brings you now as you go on, I hope you find some peace and happiness in anything you decide to do.

I'm doing okay lol. Nearly broke my neck (literally) yesterday, so another trip to the Chiro this week methinks lol. So darned lucky, I'm telling you now lol.
AND I wasn't even participating in "high risk activities" lol!
Just walking and slipped on a log. Cracked my neck on a concrete step. But the injured chook I was carrying was OKAY! Just so you don't worry about my darling chook hahaha.

I'd be safer climbing trees.

SO what do you have planned for this next little bit of time?
We're in Lock Down, so it's ummm quiet? Hahaha.
I'm getting HEAPS of home cooking done and the kids are YAY MAMA!
Buttermilk scones today and Char Siu pork tomorrow night YUM.

Take care!
Love EM

randomx
Community Member

Haaa thanks em but you really didn't have to bother with those pages , haven't missed much just more round and rounds.

But nah , l can't switch on and off so l've very warily kept myself around halfway 12mths now as l've suspected touch and go. Been through too much crap last 8yrs to lay too much on the line with her situation so iffy. Not to be blaming her it's exactly as you've said she just can't be right now but the difference is you could except and cope with the support but she's feeling even more pressure and so responsibility for my heart too from it sooooo . Anywayyyyy, yeah nothings in stone , we see. Not too confident about her court cases though tbh , both are caused by her ex and he has the money- half of that rightfully hers, and the meanness too.

So you been knocking yourself about hey, no good. l actually need a chiroprac myself too atm. Not much else going on bar a bit of work , stuff, and daughter and gf stresses so fun fun fun. Yepppaa.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey,

How are you doing?