living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Guest_1584]

Hiya j.

Ahh that's really nice look he does sound he's in there , but life , yaknow, takes it toll on a marriage tell you. lt's so important as l found out to just hold onto each other through the ride, the other side , not just life life life and bs.

l'm def' no marriage counselor but yeah your on the right track you guys have just gotta spend time and open that door again . All those things, anything you'd like to do together, just you guys , no life crap. Talk , touch , holding hands again l find is huge, such a simple thing but it's almost like a kiss .

Those were really nice gf tips too j so thanks for those. And you know , since a few wks back l've tried just that instead of being so wavering with her, us, treating us as if we are still us. And she has changed a lot l can see it's helping her and seemed to be keeping the flame burning. Well l've thought it's been that but you suggesting that exact thing is kind of confirming it then. l've really noticed it and she's calling baby and lovey again and hugs and kisses there's a real difference.

l wasn't sure l worried it could've just been with one of her good waves but there ya go.

Good luck hey. rx

[Jstar49]

Hey, thats great Rx!

I'm so quietly pleased for you.

Hang in there

J*

[CMF]

Hey rx,

That's great to hear. I guess we didn't think of that. Her pulling away cos she feels you are.

Hope things improve for you.

Hugs

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Thx cm and j .

Tbh l'm not sure though, could've also just been one of her good waves , not sure of anything with her right now.

She's very negative and down on herself and life and everything going on and it'd be impossible not to be for anyone especially with the way she's living on top of it. l honestly don't know why she doesn't just come home to here once her sons babies come, few wks. Some of it's that she's scared she'll only just get off the plane and be called back to Sydney for some appointment or other , and that she feels her cases are gonna come up any day now too. l've said well if they do we'll go back up together.

She's worried about borders and lockdwons and you name it. l don't think her cases will be till well into next yr but tbh l can't feel them or tell if l'm right , l usually can with big things but these , heads spinning with it all just like hers.

Anyway , she's not too good at all this wk l dunno whether to just stay out of her way again now for awhile or what. l can see she just doesn't have the energy for us or anything at all atm again.

Think l'll just leave her to herself for a few days first of all.

rx

[Jstar49]

Hey,

yeah sometimes we’ve got to step away and let the other person deal with it.
all you can do is hold that space for her. Sure it opens you up for hurt, if she doesn’t end up wanting that space, but it sounds like you’d be hurting anyway.
not meaning to focus on the negative, but hey. There’s always a negative.
what else is happening in your life atm rx? Are you creative, du you make stuff in your down time?

cheers

j*

[Guest_1584]

Hi j.'

Nice of you to ask but no need really.

None the less though actually yes very much so. l was an artist painter 13yrs but even my work now involves a lot of creativity , as well as renovating , doing up canoes and poking around with 50 others things.

Do you ask being creative yourself or ? Most wouldn't use that word.

Gf ahhh, tbh , l don't write here waiting baited breath l've known a long time things could go either way and bc of that l've been in either way mode myself a long time too. You can't fully commit your heart in this situation without being practical buttttt , we see.

How you doin , hubby ?

rx

[Jstar49]

Yeah I get it.
I swing every day. Today, it’s ok. Yesterday, not so much.
im starting to fantasise about living in a community again. Part of me can’t imagine not living like this, with hubby and daughter. But there’s so much out there I want to do.
teah I’m creative. I just like making stuff. I’m making a quilt atm- although I’ll have to wait for work to be over for the work as I’m too tired. It’s a quick one- I need to make quick projects or else I struggle to finish. Sometimes it seems enough to have the idea and then start it. I see it in my mind and that kinda does it for me.
wow an artist- and you made a living from it? Do I remember you commenting in the crafty thread about that? Maybe about working in oils?

why not necessary? It’s just something else to talk about... I like getting my mind off my problems and talking about easy stuff occasionally. Esp when I don’t have any answers!

I think I’m replying backwards to your post...lol. Hope you can make sense!

cheers

J*

[Guest_1584]

hAA no problemo whatever order takes your fancy haha.

l dunno about a craft section , might've but yeah oils. New world now though a long time, new life , happier for it. 50 50 living but l was on the verge , and probably fame to that's actually the main reason l left . Nother life.

Anyway , what do you mean community , are you isolated or ? But projects haaaa, yeah tell me about it. So much else to do round here though l'm trying my damnedest to not take on other crap lately.

[Guest_1584]

Must admit feeling pretty damn disheartened and maybe a bit of a fool giving this all this time with her the way she's been. Add to that she might even lose her visa to even stay in the country if ex wins the case and he may well do.

lt seemed like we'd reached the kind of support and being there she could work with mentally but over time she's just become just as on off as ever before. l don't even here from her lately l l don't contact her , she doesn't even check for any new messages from me.

l'm a bit worried about just leaving her to it for awhile seems like she could just drift away without me keeping the fire burning , but at the same time ,that's not even working anyway it's seeming . l dunno if l have much choice for my own preservation.

Have huge things going on with my daughter and ex can't cope at the moment anymore she really needs a break from it so that's all on me right now and this gf thing is draining the hell out of what reserves are left which is none actually , but seeming to be getting absolutely nowhere anyway.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Well mu daughters situation has had some great changes over this last wk and thk the Gods things are looking much better for her , so happy for her. She's had huge ongoing garbage of every kind for 18mths now and ex and l have almost lost it with stress and worry so every things crossed like you wouldn't believe.

Some changes with gf over the wkend and she's sounding more us again and even allowing herself to talk about a future . l know l've come here a few times with that sort of thing but a wk later it's back to negative or pushing away. But atm it's all us again ,it gives some hope for at least awhile even if short lived again as usual.

Thing is when she does allow it in things she says just shows and restores my faith that we are indeed still ticking away in there , no matter how she's acting on the day. She's not good though and on top of everything else the poor things menopausing, enough on it's own alone for many women from what l hear.

Anyway , at least at times like this l again hear and feel us very much still around in that head and heart of hers. Funny , it always comes along again right when l'm losing the faith again. l know she knows and senses that but l also know she doesn't just drop a few little teasers to get me back in at these times, it doesn't work like that that's not what's happening. lt's just the emotional cycle of where she's at. l just begin to feel that way again right at the end of hers when she becomes at her most negative again, she kinds burns herself out of the negative though at that stage and picks up again for awhile.

rx