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living alone

randomx
Community Member

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

 

740 Replies 740

randomx
Community Member

l try to get out or do something at least one day or night of the week end. When you work from home and aren't into friends in your face coming and going all the time, it's like you better at least make some effort or you'll become a hermit.

Daughter had stuff on so l worked in the morning and went over to my brothers for a drink after lunch. it's a nice little 40k cruise over to his town from here, l like that drive.

We sat around on his deck and had a few beers , watched a storm . Today l'm doin nothin , bit of tv , computering, 1/2 thinking of loading up the conoe and coing over for a paddle about, maybe not though, can't really be bothered. That's a 60k drive each way otherwise l'd probably be sitting in it right now.

In the divorce forum l was in for a while , there was a saying.

"Be still"

Although in that forum it was referring to everyone there and their divorce the were going through , l wish l could just relax mentally in life right now too.

lt meant just relax , ease your mind, try not to think or worry , just for awhile, try not to fix everything , try not to try , just be still , let your self be calm.

l haven't thought about that saying for a couple of years now since l left the forum.But it's come back to me over the weekend and got me thinking that maybe that's just what l need to do more of right now. l also got to thinking that it might help a lot of us here actually.

anxiety , depression , or feeling our lives are messed up and we just wanna fix everything , thinking thinking, almost 24 7 sometimes.

maybe we need to just be still. for at least awhile.

l suppose thats what meditation would be about , not sure l've never done it.

But l think l might find it somewhere and join up, give it a try. l have a hard time being still without a nudge , maybe it'll help.

The fiirst thing comes to mind though with meditation, is sore knees. l've never been able to sit cross legged , kills my knees. Better hope they have other ways of siting during meditation or it's could be a pretty short class.

blondguy
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey RX

Always a treat to see you on the forums and your help on other threads too of course

You mentioned the ability to be 'still'...that is such a good point.....I have been practicing that for a long time and slowly getting there...

RX mentioned "We sat around on his (brothers') deck and had a few beers , watched a storm" I Wish!!

We also have the inability to sit cross legged without tearing tendons RX...I hear you there....ouch!

When my ex and I split up in Jan 2015, I was a wreck....It took me a few months to get myself 'grounded' again.

Just for me I used to nag my GP during this 'empty' time and she was a real gift. All I know is that I felt a lot better after I left the clinic than before I went in......Just a thought

Its a rocky road.....the potholes can hurt big time RX

My Best as always

Paul

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi James,

I'm glad that what I said resonates with you, although sorry that you struggle with it too as it's a horrible feeling. I agree that if you're in a healthy romantic relationship, space to breathe and feel free is probably a normal state, although I came from a fairly volatile relationship and felt like I could never get any peace, it was always something and the place felt so small it was like the walls were sticking to me sometimes.

Gday paul , always great to hear from you, same mate and thanks for that.

l did try the gp when l was going through my divorce but for me unfortunately it was pretty mixed.

So you know about being still ,.

mate can you teach me or give me any guidance in it.? Only if you wouldn't mind and your up to it.

l really just don't know how to shut myself up to be honest .but l feel if only l could for even just a little while each day , it'd really make a huge difference.

randomx
Community Member
ps , ahh , no wonder my knees don't like me sitting cross legged.

blondguy
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey RX

It's difficult to be still when we are in pain. I used to overthink so much after my split with my ex

Sometimes the mental anguish was that bad I used to distract myself with various activities like landscaping and working on different ways to make a great mixed CD using the PC to overlap tracks.

Just for me I used to watch the Simpsons to give my brain a break...people may laugh at this but it dumped the negative sad thoughts I had at the time

Omg it's hot

I hope your day was good to you RX 😀

Paul

randomx
Community Member

gday paul , just doin the rounds haha.

nah mate wouldn't laugh at the simpsons at all and you know what , bout the only thing switches me off is music or a good dv.

my daughters bf is doing me a key right now with all these full seasons of my fav shows, can't wait to get my hands on that puppy.

The music mixing sounds like a great distraction.

oh yeah crikey , hot , sick of it already. we need that drink on my deck mate and as a matter of fact , there's new storms coming over here right now thank god. so l don't think we're gonna get those 30s tomorrow , prayin anyway.

Here's to a cool one eh.

all the best

rx

blondguy
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey RX

Your daughters bf is a legend for doing that RX....what a legend!

What are your favorites that you are hanging in there for?

Mine.....

  • CSI Miami...even though CBS cancelled it
  • The Simpsons....gotta love it 🙂
  • Family Guy....sometimes....the black humor can be a pain though....I love Brian the dog....a crack up!
  • Law & Order Criminal Intent....a 'smart' show
  • Lost in Space.....dont laugh RX....I was a kid when it was in prime time

Cheers RX....to a cool one

Paul

randomx
Community Member

Yeah he is isn't he eh. Hopin to get it back this wkened. They gave it to me once already done but some shows wouldn't play so he has to redo do them different or something. d was just telling me tonight she fire him up tomorrow , eeh haa.

lost in space eh , god that was embarrassing watching that show wasn't it it but yeah l use to sneak it in too . haven't heard that one for a long time mate.

ahh l'm waiting on penny dreadful , vamp diaries, the latest vinnie diesle, 6 l think it is , few other things , gonna be lots of surprises on these for me d reckons, she has similar tastes and rounds up great stuff , well for yours truly anyway haha.

we had some seriously beautiful storms here tonight are you getting them there ?

blondguy
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey RX

The storms have been great....and then some! Heaps of rain here near the bay.

The BOM radar loop crashed a few times as there were a few thousand people (like me) seeing what the weather was going to do next...

Its working now and Houston...we have a problem....More mega rain on its way....soon...The link below...

http://www.bom.gov.au/products/IDR023.loop.shtml

Just for a laugh....'Lost in Space' budget was $130,000 per episode..........in 1965......(Big Bucks)

Vin Diesel is a weapon....The Fast & Furious franchise is a classic set of movies....The only one I havent seen yet is 6 too...I think. The last one I watched was when Paul Walker died as a passenger in the Porsche in between shooting the movie (off the set)...that was sad RX

Paul