- Beyond Blue Forums
- Caring for myself and others
- Relationship and family issues
- Leaving my girlfriend. Is it the right thing to do...
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Printer Friendly Page
Leaving my girlfriend. Is it the right thing to do?
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year. She has a history of mental health issues unfortunately, which include anxiety and depression.
Her last relationship she was cheated on, is currently in the process of settling the separation house costs and more. She has had huge anxiety from that and it has really hit our relationship hard too.
Our relationship so far has been so rocky. January she was admitted to hospital for telling me she was going to kill herself when I walked out after an argument. Since then, issues that shouldn't be an issue - such as a dinner plan change for example, or me wanting a night to myself in the week I am questioned and made out that I "Don't care" etc.
Just recently, I wanted some time to myself for a day and she responded bad to this. The fighting started, and I returned the spare house key for her place as she always asks for it back whenever we argue.
This time me returning it set her off. Later that night, I asked to be left alone and in her anxious state I received so many phone calls, messages etc. I told her I'd see her the next day to let things cool off.
Yesterday, talking with her - I told her I needed to go get a break as things were heated again. She threw her coffee mug across the kitchen smashing it, and since then all I've done is receive calls/messages of her saying she will seek the mental health help she needs.
January she said she would, brushed it off and the issues of anxiety and bringing me into it have been on-going.
I love this girl, she's begging me to stay and work it out for one more go - but I feel so much has happened.
I work in law enforcement and she's threatened to get Police involved whenever she's in that manic state and I want to leave.
Is this stupid to pursue one more time? I've told her it's ended due to the emotional rollercoaster - she's believed to have Borderline Split Personality Disorder too as per the Hospital visit last time.
We're so grateful that you have reached out to our community tonight, we know that it is not an easy thing to do, but you have shown so much strength in sharing your story. We are so sorry to hear what you are going through with your girlfriend. It sounds like you are on the receiving end of the stress your girlfriend is experiencing, and we understand your desire to live in a peaceful situation. Please know that you've come to a safe space, free of judgement and our community are here to help support you through this.
We would really encourage you to reach out to our friends at 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people in challenging relationships who are going through similar situations to this. You can contact them anytime on 1800 737 732 or through online chat at: https://www.1800respect.org.au/
You might also like to reach out to Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships.
Hopefully a few of our welcoming community members will pop by to welcome you and offer some words of support and advice. Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread, whenever you feel ready.
Yes it's a difficult situation for you to decide, I understand that.
There is things I picked up concerning yourself. When you had to return the house key- why not leave it in the letterbox and text her telling her it was there. When someone is potentially explosive- avoid at all costs.
Secondly, have you thought of counseling?
Thirdly, what makes either of you believe further attempts in trying to make it work will be successful?
If you both decide to make it work the a serious amount of work needs to be devoted to that cause and relationship counseling is needed as a minimum.
Somehow I think you need someone more mature that isn't violent (cup throwing) and doesn't risk your career.
Beyondblue topic relationship strife- the peace pipe
Welcome to the forum and for reaching out for support in you desperate time of need. I read you post and some things really struck out at me, leaving me gob-smacked. If you re-read your post and stand in her shows, for a moment, you may see light from her perspective. You need to understand that when a someone needs support or when they are experiencing difficulty, who are they going to turn too first?
You both need to love + care for each other. You need to feel empathy for her and make her your priority number one. When you are in a relationship, you are committed, you are giving and doing as much as possible to water and flourish your grass - just as if you were committed to protecting the peace of the Community. Use you investigative skills and help your partner become as healthy and supported as possible.
Welcome to the forums. I'm really glad you came here to gain other's perspectives of how to move forward.
The decision is still yours and you understand that the consequences of your decisions will also be yours.
I'm really concerned to hear the summary of what's been going on. You must have a huge heart and it shows that you love her very much to be so tormented and reach out for help.
If you choose to give it "one more try" then I would only embark upon this with gfs agreement to attend relationship counselling with you. Though even saying "one more try" makes me feel like you know this r/ship can't continue. Long term r/ships take alot more than one more try.
This one will be fraught with issues ongoing and I think you also know this.
I wonder if similar issues of GFs behaviours were present in her previous r/ship?
If so then YOU are not the common factor. She is.
Having MH diagnoses are one thing. Refusing help to maintain wellness and stability is an ENTIRELY other issue. I ask myself then "will she ever 'get better'" - probably not without some pretty intensive support IMHO.
And you are not deserving of the fallout or abuse of her not seeking help.
But in saying this, I see a pattern and would like your feedback about whether you feel this is true. After all I am not there and have no idea really!
1. You ask for time ie time alone, time out etc (for reasons of?...)
2. She gets upset (maybe she's triggered by past trauma of cheating / abandonment?)
3. You leave / she asks for key back = a statement from either / both of you that "it's over".
4. The buy back occurs ie her promise of seeking help, maybe you tell her you live her and want to work things out?
Then calm for x time.
Wash rinse repeat.
Is this maybe how things are playing out for you both?
Hugs to you both, it's a hard time.
Hello SG, thanks for your comment and by no means am I taking sides here.
There could be issues from her previous relationship where her trust had been broken, being cheated on and whatever other misconceptions might have been done against her will or even knowing.
Latitude is granted towards you what she has done, but I don't any relationship that has their ups and downs and however, you classify this, and these change how long you've known each other and differ in all age groups.
All relationships can have arguments but these depend on how they are carried out and whether or not you believe can be improved.
How much is too much fighting?