Least favourite child

[smltown-girl]

Hi, im 21, still living with my parents due to no other houses available in my area.

recently, more then ever, its been hitting me that I genuinely feel like im under appreciated in my family and just a pure failure of a human. My sister is 18 and she's my mums best friend, especially since she's got a boyfriend. im single. her boyfriend stayed at our house for 3 nights in a row and she planned a weekend away with him and his friends, while we were home alone so our parents could go to a family gathering. we both have a younger sister and instead of communicating with me that she planned this trip away and asking if it was okay that I stay home and look after our sister, she just planned it and told me nothing right up until they were about to leave. As adults we are supposed to be helping around the house and she just doesn't. I cook, and clean, vacuum, stack and unstack the dishwasher up to 4 times a day etc. I cooked dinner for the whole house including her boyfriend and she didn't even help with that or pack up afterwards. when I try to tell my mum that I think its really unfair that she has 0 responsibilities and gets to leave the house whenever she wants and come back whenever she wants, she tells me that that's her choice and not to worry about it. but at the same time will complain that the house is always untidy and nothing gets done when im the only one that helps, which makes me feel even more guilty and makes me feel the need to do more. 

not only the family stuff but im trying to run my own business which isn't super successful yet and im barely scraping by and making a profit after rent and bills, on top of the fact I have a lack of friends. I just feel so tired and empty and feel like disappearing would just make my life so much easier. I would never go to the extent of harming myself or suicide but sometimes it just seems like the easier option. I can't talk to my family because they just argue with me or completely disregard my feelings, and my friends are happy in their own lives so don't really care about mine.

I'm not trying to get pity, just would really appreciate some words of acknowledgement or support, rather than an argument, any comments are appreciated, thank you for reading!

[white knight]

Hi, welcome,

I'm clear in my mind that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" so the logical answer to all of these problems is to move out and once your sibling has matured you'll likely have a stronger relationship. At the same time your parents, once you move out will also see you in a different light. Not much will change until then no matter how hard you try imo.

So then it is a different problem, how to move out with a lower than modest income. Well there is the NEIS scheme Centrelink have going which basically has you on unemployment for 12 months without seeking work until you are established. The trouble with that system is if the business doesnt work out.

Personally I'd try and get a part time job. Then spare time work on your business. 

I know you might think you dont want to move but I cant see any changes coming that will stop you being taken for granted.

Oh, my other suggestion is the Defence Forces. Full adult pay, cheap meals and accommodations, a career in the job of choice and excitement. Lots of options

TonyWK

[smltown-girl]

I would love to move out, the issue for me is that there are absolutely no rentals in my area, and purchasing is obviously not an option. I understand moving away Is also an option however my business is based in this town, and I spent a significant amount of funds to get it running so don't want to leave it in the dust just yet. My plan is that if I can make a significant income by my businesses 12 month anniversary then I will be selling up and looking elsewhere. My town has a population of about 3 thousand, so job options and housing options are slim to none. I have been the look out for a part time job for a couple of months now, just hoping that something will come up, but if my business doesn't take a drastic turn by November (12months since its opening) then I will be admitting defeat and trying to find an alternative solution. Thankyou for your suggestions, much appreciated.

[white knight]

No problem. One other suggestion is to consider a caravan park.

Anyway you seem to be trying everything so we're proud if your approach.

We are here for you

TonyWK 

[mmMekitty]

Hello Smltown-girl

Well-done you, for accepting responsibilities in the home you share, for taking on adult responsibilities so well, beginning your business, which, statistically is a very risky thing to do. I wish you well in that endeavour. If you have the energy & time for a part-time job, that would be great. It would give you more financial secuarity & more time away from the home - then maybe others would begin to see & do more housekeeping (?) or maybe not. You can't control what others do, nor should you be expected to.

Now you are in your 20's, this is the time when most young adults need to develop their independance. So far, I think you are doing great.

Be kind & remember to take good care of yourself. Make sure you leave some time to do fun things, either alone or with friends. That is very important. & as much as it is a cliché, I'm going to say anyway: eat healthily, get regular exercise, look after your health, both physically & mentally, & keep a good sleep routine.

All my best

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

TonyWK, I like what you have to say to Smltown-girl, except where you mention NDIS. I am confused by that because the National Disability Insurance Scheme is to assist people with disabilities access supports we need to live lives as others in the community do. 

I didn't read any mention of disabilities amongst people in Smltown-girl's family members, so I wasn't sure that NDIS would be at all helpful.

Maybe Centrelink/Services Australia do have some ways they could help you, Smltown-girl. I don't know. It may be worth talking to someone there about your circumstances.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[smltown-girl]

Thankyou! its nice to be feel as though I am doing something right! appreciate all of your words. I am going to try and find something to do for myself that I enjoy to get me out of the house, just needed a couple of days to regain my energy. Thank you so much

[white knight]

Thn=ankyou MeeKitty,

You are correct, it should have been NEIS- National Enterprise Incentive Scheme...  I've amended it. Good pick up!!

TonyWK

[jd03]

This is literally me (except for the business part), but I am the female doing everything and my 18yo little brother doesn’t help. I always feel like I’m trying to people please and help out as much as I can and I even work for both of my parents in both their businesses and I’m still the one that cops everything and never gets appreciated (he is by far the favourite). I work so hard to make my family like me and I just feel like no one would even care if I wasn’t there. Sorry to be depressing, but I completely understand what you’re saying. It just really messes with my mental health but anyways.

Stay strong and this too, shall pass. 

[white knight]

Hi jd

As I've faced major issues and challenges in my life I've realised that some situations need radical approaches, otherwise nothing changes. Expecting people to somehow change attitudes just won't happen.

Therefore it's why I often advise to move out. Staying in your parents home is common now but never used to be. Gaining independence has its advantages.

TonyWK