Keep ruining everything

[Jessicat]

Hi,

Not sure if this will make sense but I'll try. I'm 23 and am 38 weeks pregnant with my 1st child. About a month ago the childs father broke up with me. We had been together for 3 years, had been our first loves and shared all that came along with that, had lived together for 1 1/2 years, and had planned on getting married. Both our families loved each other, we were madly in love, shared so many goals and ideals, and had a great relationship... except the fighting. His temper and my anxiety/depression clashed on so many occasions. I was the crazy, insecure girlfriend who would cry and break down begging for reassurance and more physical affection, he was the mad guy that would lose it at any time his xbox game messed up or he didn't get his way (he became quite physical). In the end my anxiety and depression got the better of us and he left (he was also cheating on me). I realised that he had fallen out of love with me and had checked out of the relationship months before it was finally over.

After a few weeks in hospital after suicidal thoughts, I moved back into my mums place where I plan on staying for the first few months of my kids life. He took over the lease of our rental property.Over the last few weeks things had finally reached a point where we could casually talk about general things, and communicate our wishes for co-parenting. But I am not coping in the slightest. He is completely ok with the end of the relationship, pointing out almost daily that we aren't getting back together and that he is happier without me. I on the other hand am a complete mess and the last few days have started begging for him back, which had ended in a very big fight. I can't seem to move on and accept the fact that we won't be having a happy family, and that the love of my life isn't coming back no matter how hard I try to fix things. I'm so scared of co-parenting and going through birth without him. I miss him so much and can't push past fantasies of us together. I'm lost and afraid and don't know how to stop begging for him back. Every time I do I ruin things.... just like I was doing in the relationship. Seeing him so happy isn't helping the situation and not that he is really angry at me... I don't know what to do. I'm constantly panicking and I feel so low. 

[BBUser72]

Hi Jessicat,

I just read your message and wanted to at least write something. I think for me, its important to leave suggestions and advice to the professionals regarding your situation. 

The only thing I can say is getting family support, friends support is very important for you right now. You also need to concentrate on your health and your unborn baby's health.

What a heartbreaking thing to read and how incredible strong you must be to be dealing with all this and still have the courage to share with us.

One thing I've learnt about relationships is don't blame yourself for it not working. You absolutely are worthy of happiness and love. If you meet someone who makes you feel loved, it's very hard to feel depressed and get anxiety. If your not feeling loved, you have every right to break down and cry needing reassurance. I'd do the same.

There is never just one person who will make us happy. You have so much to look forward to.

I hope I've been able to help in some way.

Take care Jessicat, thinking of you.

[geoff]

dear Jessicat, hello and welcome to the forum with a very sad post.

My first hopes are that your first baby will be delivered without any complications and that both you and the baby are both well as you are at the time to give birth.

I do know what I want to say here, but I have to be very careful because we don't want to lose you from the site, simply because you have come here to ask for help and reassurance.

How absolutely disappointed you must be to know that your partner has left you 'high and dry', and I'm so sorry for saying this, because a brand new mum always needs their partner/spouse there for support, as do other mums with a couple of children.

I have a real fear here for the first weeks of feeding your baby, that you aren't overcome by depression, however this may have happened already I don't know, but suspect it maybe the case.

I know that's it's not appropriate for me to forecast this and I hope that I am wrong.

Love is so important in a marriage or by having a relationship, especially when you both have a child together, but in this situation it seems to be going only one way.

I also have a big worry that the father can be physically abusive and that he has no respect for you, by cheating on you, and it's uncertain how many times this has happened, so he will need to have a big overhaul to stop all of this, and that could be so hard to do, maybe he doesn't care, which then brings me to if you got back together, what will he do to you in 4, 5 or so years down the track, and it's this that I am so fearful for you.

If a person cheats on you and tells you that they don't love you, it's probably not going to change, as they want their freedom back.

I am sorry and I know that this reply may hurt and upset you, but it's coming from an old head, but please I hope that you can reply. L Geoff. x