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Journey of hell
My husband decided to separate after 18 years together. There are no words to describe the pain. The one person who you trusted most has destroyed you, but then they don't understand why you can no longer take them at their word.
We have 3 children and after agreeing to remain amicable for their sake, things are going to hell. We agreed on 50/50 there was never any question on the custody, as children need both parents. However I am now finding that he seems to be less agreeable on custody arrangements and he is now taking me to mediation to resolve parenting plan, but won't tell me what it is that needs to be resolved. He has discussed legal matters with the children, the children don't call all the time when they are in his care or he makes them call half way through an activity so that the call feels like a chore to them as I am keeping them from what they would rather be doing, he doesn't tell me if I am needed to drive children to their activities until the day of or he drops them at my house without notifying me, he tells them the wrong information about when they will be with me so when I arrive to pick them up they are upset because they thought they would be spending longer time with him and now Mum has come to take them away. My youngest is now refusing to come on changeover, that won't let him see his Dad. I get they are hurt, but each thing is another crack into my already broken heart.
Today however was the lowest point. It was not my custody day and I arrived to watch my eldest play soccer, (father coaches) & he made the two other children sit in the bench area with him. They saw me there and did not even acknowledge my existence. After the game the children would not come over to see me and I was faced with a choice of going over and potentially making a scene or leaving. I left
To feel non existent & ignored by your children is the worst pain imaginable I feel like I have lost them. To see them look at you and look away like you are a stranger to them. I am not coping I feel like I am continuing to freefall & there is no rock bottom as the falling continues. Every time I think I am climbing back, I get knocked back down again by legal issues, the criticism, being ignored and shouted down when I stand up for myself and refuse to be taken advantage of over and over again. I wonder now what I am fighting for. I have no value- I don't mean anything to anyone.
Hi B2P, welcome to the Beyond Blue forums.
So sorry to hear all this, as a parent I can imagine how heart breaking this must feel for you. However there are probably things you can do to ease your pain and change the situation. I would get help from a counselor, to make sure that my emotions can be addressed. What is happening now, won't be like this forever, with careful management you will make the situation more bearable.
I bet you mean the world to your kids. I bet they are watching how you both respond to this situation and how you set the example. Some of these things will always be out of your control, like how they respond when they are at their dads, all you can control is your response.
Stay focused. Now is your time for a fresh start, reevaluate what is important, and quit giving your energy away to your husband, he doesn't deserve it. Re-examine what 'being amicable' means, perhaps it means that the kids will act differently when they are with him, you may have to let that slide, keep focused on being the best you can be when they are with you. Your value is so great that it cannot be put into words, don't let anyone take that from you.
You could also do some word searches in these forums, I am sure many have experienced what you are going through, you are not alone on this one.
All the best, Jack.
You weren't ignored at the soccer, it was brave of you to attend and I am guessing that your kids weren't sure how to respond in front of Dad. They would have been SO happy on the inside, that you were there.
Hello Broken 2 pieces
Lovely to see Jacko has welcomed you to Beyond Blue forums.
He's given you some great ideas. Not much more I can add. Perhaps, I'd just say again - your kids probably didn't know how to act at the soccer and they would have been very happy to see you.
Focus on how you can manage I think, by visiting a counsellor is really a good idea.
Get back to us when you can about how life goes for you and the kids