Jealousy- (personal relationships)

[white knight]

Who wouldnt be jealous of anyone giving our partner extraordinary attention? Maybe not everyone would be concerned but add offering their phone number or them asking personal questions and it's a different ball game. Questions like "are you REALLY happy". I recall this once when in a past relationship and my partner and I were new in town, a village really and I had joined the local fire brigade. The wife of a colleague got more talkative at each social event before she finally sprung that question on me. She hadnt even met my partner.

Being loyal (and happy then) I informed my partner and the rage she felt was astonishing. As she said "I have a right to feel jealous- dont I". She did, actually trust wasnt an issue, infringing on her man was. It really dawned on me that the woman was probing to establish my "availability".

So, as the recent thread (Jealousy- material items) stated, jealousy without an extreme feeling is normal. If someone is envious of what you have then that usually creates a defensive reaction. But there is many more daily jealousies born from simple observations of the sex preference you have. A happily married man observing a lady at work can feel jealous of her partner even though there might not be any desire to "stray". We have here on this forum members over the years that have had a crushes like this.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/married-and-have-a-crush-on-some-from-work---please-help-me-

The "grass is greener" syndrome is a serious one that can lead to ruining marriages. More often than not these crushes never eventuate more than what they are but when the crush moves towards an action of some sort there is always turmoil.

Feelings of both parties in a committed relationship- the one that has a crush on him/her by a work colleague and the partner learning of its existence. Again both individuals in the marriage have normal feelings- discomfort and jealous respectively. However it is only an issue if the established trust boundaries are broken and all communication is open about it if it is ongoing.

It's a nice feeling being liked, but there is ways of enforcing your relationship rules to avoid a crush from getting anywhere, even generating temptation. Dont attend xmas breakups if you know a crush will be there and so on.

Your partners jealousy might well be normal but the powderkeg of emotions will surface quickly if it appears intrusive.

TonyWK

[Guest_1643]

Hugely important thread

Intrusive jealousy is not OK but hard to identify

Thanks for this one, Tony WK

[geoff]

Hello Tony, you've created a great thread and will reply when I can, but yes, how true this can happen.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[CMF]

Hi Tony & all reading,

Great topic. I'll give it another twist. My partner's sister lives with him & his boys. She is 10 years younger , moved in 3.5 years ago to 'help' after he divorced. The move happened just after we reconnected again after 30 years. She is a nice person but always around us, listening to our conversations & interrupting/ interjecting. She controls him a little, he relies on her advice. They kiss hello, goodnight & she has taken over as the 'woman/mother' of the household. She clearly loves her brother & is protective, but it seems is also 'in love' . At times I felt she always wanted to impress him, have him admire her. She'd buy him gifts & you pretty much feel they are living as a married couple with kids. I've raised it several times with my partner. She's met a guy now & I'm hoping she may move back to her own house soon.

Even though it's his sister, & clearly not a threat to our relationship, I know I've been jealous of the time they spend together in cooking & having dinner together, having shows they enjoy together, just having each other for company really...the things I would like to be doing with my partner one day. So I guess even if a person is not a 'threat' we can still feel jealous if they intrude on our space or fill a space that we should occupy.

Cmf

[white knight]

Thanks Geoff

CMF, how fascinating. I've seen sibling close but that is another level. I would feel the same, in fact I couldn't continue my relationship under those conditions.

Jealousy with relationships deserved far more than 2500 characters, it's a vast topic. Putting members at ease for feeling jealous is my intent but I assume you are tolerating it to a degree through bitten teeth.

Has he or she indicated the living arrangements will change? Are you both planning on living together or happy separately? Is she wanting a father figure for her kids?

TonyWK

[CMF]

Hi Tony,

Firstly, thank you for understanding as many do...except them. Yes I am treating through bittern teeth. She will move on eventually but I guess she's wait till she finds 'the one' as she's very comfy I the current set up. My partner & I have a long term plan in when my little miss is older so apart from the sister it works for us. The kids are his & yes I believe they both want the fill in mother situation even though his boys are 18 & 20 lol.

I have considered she is jealous of me/us & is perhaps keeping me away from him. She is controlling.

I am manifesting for her to find love & happiness move on to allow it into her life but that is all in another thread, not relevant to this on. Apologies for going off topic lol.

Cmf

[white knight]

Your post reminded me of my mothers parents. In the day around circa 1948 they purchased a Ford Prefect which was strictly a 4 seater, enough seats for them in the front and my mother and her brother in the back. This meant my father who didnt have a car of course, was left behind at planned outings even though he was engaged to their daughter.

Hence my thoughts, to get away together, alone, buy a 3 berth caravan, you, him and little miss. lol

It will be interesting your situation as time goes by. But thankyou for mentioning the flip side of jealousy totally justified.

TonyWK

[CMF]

Thanks Tony,

Funny you mention the caravan as I have booked a little getaway for the 3 of us.

Re jealousy, I guess we need to consider if someone is encroaching, flirting, making moves on our partner, good chance they are jealous of what we have. If we are confident in our relationship & trust our partner then we should try & look past the behaviour to realise the other person has the problem,not us.