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Ive BPD & I have struggled most of my life with relationships
I too have BPD and understand that it can be a condition that causes us to question so much in life, makes it difficult to see and experience life as other people do at times and can make for confusing moments when relating to people.
One thing I found very helpful was to actually be diagnosed! I now have a better understanding of BPD and I can try harder to get along with myself and others. Not that it works all the time!
I'm sorry for all you have been through in life. It sounds like you are a very strong person though to have managed to leave the relationship which was not at all healthy or safe.
If you don't mind me asking, have you received help to understand your BPD? I have had a little assistance and have borrowed books from the library. At present I am trying to work on understanding distressing thoughts.
Other members in our family have BPD as well. It is interesting to see how it shows in their lives and in their interactions with others. I quite often feel that I am trying to analyse what is happening around me so I don't take offence when none is intended.
I gave a book on BPD to a family member to read and they cried as they realised their partner was experiencing life in that manner. It helped them to better understand what that person was living with daily.
Some days are a battle. Other days are wonderful. I hope you manage to find a balance.
If you'd like to chat more, maybe we can share ideas and techniques that may help us both.
Cheers to you from Dools