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It's so funny now but five weeks before reality hits story

Community Member

This is my first post not my last and will see where it all goes ....So we did a year together and that was bad and this time we did it 4yr together with two boys 3 and 1 And it's been the same.. She's gone home to Germany with the boys for seven weeks and there 4 left so you could say life is good at the moment... I was just about out the door towards the end but it's hard to walk out on the boys and then I thought I could get some help from afar.. The first two weeks and she's been away everyone was tested and helping me see if I was alright.. But she was gone so I was fine.. I kinda stayed strong the whole way through this but I wasn't sure another 17 yrsI wwas not.. I'm still strong and she was getting a bit worse and I think the kids are next.. It's been the same since day one..I would call it A repetitive nightmare where her whole focus was on her proving to me that I was wrong and A mix of stalk and jealousy where the conversations didn't go anywhere I'm always the same ending up in a plea for love sorry and forgiveness.. Now even to the point of a simple matter of the children being sick and because I would think one thing it was ruled out and lied about and then days later having to get to the doctors myself and fix it... Two months ago the short story those anyways I was worried about the kids and told her I wasn't interested in her problems time to help the kids but the only made things worse and just before she left put a bogus AVO out and then went to Germany.. Still I had some time to breath so it was still all good .. My friends and family worried about me And took a little bit of effort to calm everyone down ..she was saying one thing and I was telling them it's been like hell for four years straight and now it's real bad. it also become clear that instead of living with a person who just puts me down and just couldn't make sense of it I read about personality disorders and in about two minutes realised.. I kinda feel that I should've picked this up a lot Elia only week excuse I can give is in this time I did work a lot and stay in the backyard building a lot have a naturally strong generous kind personality .... And I've never treated the relationship as one with a personality disorder which will give me a complete different outlook but where will it go ... she 38

2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Pheenstar,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your concerns. Reading your post, it seems like you are involved in a one-sided relationship with little communication going on...This unstable situation is taking its toll on you, there's need for change.

When it gets to this point, there are usually only 2 options.

- Trying to fix the relationship. Please bear in mind that this can only succeed if responsibility and efforts come from both sides. What are the chances of your wife/partner acknowledging her issues and seeking help ? If she has a personality disorder, she will need a proper diagnosis and probably treatment to help manage it. Would she agree to see a relationship counselor with you ? When communication breaks down, disputes are best settled with the help of a professional outsider.

- If she refuses and mending your differences doesn't work, then you will have to consider moving on. Always difficult and heart-breaking when children are involved. But it is probably worse for the kids to grow up in an unstable, unhappy environment. Everyone involved deserve quality of life and peace of mind.

Only you can weigh the pros and cons, figure what is possible and what is not, what you want your life to be...and what you no longer want.

Meanwhile, please feel free to continue posting, either to connect with others in similar situations, just to let steam off or both.

Good to have you on board.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Pheenstar~

I've read your reply in the other thread, thank you for making things clearer. It's a help to only have the one thread too, simpler for readers to keep up.

I do get a bit of what you are saying I KINDA feel, that there is no person there, just the disorder

To keep coming up against the same brick wall all the time must be very tough, particularly as it's accompanied by abuse. Trying to do the best for your kids is hard. Can yu say how old they are? Does your ex want to live close by for access or take them away?

How about yourself, can you say if are you under any form of treatment? Your situation would make the strongest person struggle.

Please feel you can keep posting and saying how things are going