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It just keeps getting worse....

Community Member

After having gone through all the emotional fallout of getting dumped after 11 years and sorting out our intertwined lives, I am now faced with something completely unexpected...... somehow, sometime during our years together, I have contracted an STD.

This just feels like yet another kick in the guts - not something I expected to have to deal with at 50 years of age. It must have come from him.... there simply is no other option.

I feel dirty and tainted..... and because of the nature of it, I am faced with having to disclose my status to any possible future partner (not that I anticipate actually having another person in my life - who wants someone with an incurable STD?] So now I have the very real issue of being alone forever as well 😞 The more info I get about it, the worse I feel about any future.

If I didn't think I was spiraling down into depression before..... I sure as hell seem to be unable to deal with this latest blow. I have become a recluse. Don't go out anywhere, haven't begun to make a circle of my own friends (and honestly, now I have no inclination to do so either], and have absolutely no support network of any kind.

This might just be the thing that breaks me completely 😞

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Fial and welcome to the forums,

First of all your ex is a complete and utter irresponsible ass. Have you discovered if he was aware of his STD? I'm not sure of the law has changed yet but knowingly giving someone an incurable STD as far as I know is an offence. It doesn't change anything but far out I hope his bits fall off.

Right. Now my rage is out of the way I want to reassure you that you are safe and welcome here. Noone will judge you so please keep writing and reaching out for support.

Have you considered counselling or therapy? This is such a huge distressing change for you and the idea of you isolating yourself is devestating to hear. Could you ask your GP for any support groups in your area?

Yes there will be potential partners who will be put off by an STI but there will also be those who respect your open disclosure and are willing to try anyway. And of course there will be others out there in the same situation as you. Who have been given a STI and are trying to work out how to move on from here.

There is more to you as a friend or a partner than your sexual health even if at the moment you are struggling to see past this.

I hope you feel able to return and talk to us Fial.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi again Fial,

I saw your other thread

Forums / Relationship and family issues / Feeling like I have lost everything...

And had to reply again.

Why? I have PsA too. It sucks. And when you wrote about not wanting to seek help because they will put you on another medication I nodded along.

That said I wanted you to know speaking to a psychiatrist regularly and going on an antidepressant was the best thing I have EVER done for myself. Chronic pain and restricted movement, finances stretched by all my appointments and meds and the side effects. This alone is enough let alone depression joining in.

I know the idea of another medication is frightening. I am on 5 different meds and two supplements to help with side effects from meds. It is utterly ridiculous. BUT if I didn't accept this help I know in myself my suicidal thoughts were getting out of control and I was at risk.

Will you please go have a talk to your doctor and your rheumatologist? With this new info about the Psoriatic Arthritis as well as the STI and depression I'm very very worried about your safety.

Many of the meds for PsA have depression as a potential side effect. I'm not sure if you have been warned about this? I was warned to report any worsening depression. Have you told your rheumatologist? Perhaps they can change your meds.

I hope you are able to reply when you feel able. What a distressing combination of illnesses to manage.