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It is is like he's died, but the shell of him is still here.

Community Member

A family member is no longer the person I know. That person is gone.

They have mental health issues of their own, but it is now evident to me that I cannot keep in contact with them as their problems could impact me professionally. I hate the whole thing, but the Person I knew doesnt exist anymore. I have to find a away of severing the relationship.i fought my way in to be involved in this situation and now I am drowning in my consequences.

4 Replies 4

Community Champion
Community Champion

hello (and welcome).

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like a very tough situation to be in.

Loyalty to family or ???

have you been able to talk about this with any other family members and gotten their thoughts? Or perhaps someone in your line of work? I believe everything you are saying. In my mind, I can also make things look worse than they might be ... but that is just me!

any conversation with family (or work) can be hard. There are been some my psychologist has wanted to me make and I have been scared, and start with some sort of disclaimer. And I eventually get through what needs to be said and then that *phew* moment. And not knowing what sort of reaction you will get.

When the moment is right you will know what to do to say. If you did a google search for ...

how to sever relationship with family member

you will also get some ideas. Also also remember to look after yourself as well. Listening to you.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Oizys, I'm sorry that this has happened and unfortunately this does happen many times, but you need to look after your own health first of all, and this is one reason why people say that their friends disappear and with all sincerity in its situation, it's understandable.

If they have mental issues then professional help is a must and no matter what a family member such as yourself says may not be acknowledged and can be ignored, is not your fault, you were only trying to help but if it creates closed doors, then you can't do much else, except to try and encourage them to seek assistance, but you can't keep on suggesting this if they ignore you, that's why you need to concentrate on your work and if I can suggest, if this member is continually on your mind, then perhaps have a talk with your doctor.

Please take care.


Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi there Oizys and thanks for your post.

You must have endured so many levels of pain to where you now are. From having the courage to fight to get involved, only to find that it is now overpowering you.

Firstly, I am not at all qualified to give you advice, only suggestions based on my experience with a my sister who is also not the person I once knew for many reasons I don't understand.

I feel that you owe your first loyalty to yourself - take care to remind yourself about all the positive impacts you have brought about over the years, and the progress you have made in your communities.

You obviously have strong feelings about the estranged family member which you don't feel can be sustained.

Perhaps take a minute to regroup, think carefully about what you want to say, then when appropriate, remind the person that you do care and love them, and will always be there for them. However your level of involvement and availability may change a little as you work on aspects of your own life.

Then step back and feel you way into the space that may open up. I don't feel it is good for you and your own mental health to take a position of responsibility if it is having such strong impacts on you.

Smallwolf and Geoff also gave some good insights.

Always happy to listen and attempt to help in whatever way I may be able to.

All the very best - you are obviously a resilient and empathetic person.

The Bro

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Oizys,

I’m sorry that the family member you know seems to not be the same person I understand this can be hard especially when they are family.

It can be a real mixture of emotions…… you say the family member isn’t the same person, sometimes a person can go through a real torment in they our lives with themselves and don’t really know how to handle what’s happening to them… some people turn to alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of what they are going through internally… which in turn only causes more stress to themselves and family members……

sometimes when we look at someone from the outside and can see the turmoil their behaviour has caused we can sometimes be affected internally, it may bring up things within ourselves.

I think when we look at some one from the outside we can try to just “ understand “ them…. They too are going through something that they only know how it feels for them.

If it’s affecting you maybe take a step back … your mental health is important.

Maybe you could encourage this person to reach out for help professionally.

Here to chat