Is this typical of a husband with depression?

[Carla2022]

My husband has been suffering from depression for the past year.

He has no interest in spending any time with me at all. I put the kids to bed & we finally have some time to be alone together and all he wants to do is go into the spare room and play games or watch videos on his phone. I try go into him to have a chat or hopefully just spend some time together but I can see that he’s just waiting for me to leave.

Is this typical of someone with depression?

I know he’s feeling terrible within himself but I also feel terrible now, completely alone & rejected.

[geoff]

Hello Cara, if I can suggest first of all is for you to contact your doctor and ask them to refer you to someone who can assist you, because this situation is affecting in a negative way.

There are two issues here that may need to be considered, and these are only suggestions and by no means want to upset you, firstly if someone is suffering from any type of depression, then there is a great chance they want to be alone, that's why people want to move out and be away from from everyone, simply because they don't particularly want questions being asked, because they usually don't know the answer to any of them.

Secondly, if you could ask him if he would be prepared to have marriage counselling then it's possible any problems could be sorted out and thirdly if the two of you, as I've mentioned above, can have therapy by yourselves, then you can discuss any underlying concerns.

My apologies if I have upset you.

Geoff.

[Carla2022]

All great ideas. Thanks so much for your response Geoff.

[MummaOf4]

I'm also in the same position as your husband. And my husband and I just had this fight last night. This maybe an insight to how or why with your husband... I have always had the feeling of being alone, my whole dating life. So I kind of just say I'm used to it. I'm on my phone constantly just because I like my alone time. I message friends, but I also how husband attention too but he feels like I'm on my phone too much. He feels rejected I guess, but I don't mean for him to feel that way, I've just also never been the full affectionate person like he is. He also annoys me because he is overbearing and I can't have any "me" time so being on my phone is that time. As mentioned counselling maybe considered as it's what I probably should do too but at the end of the day open up to him

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for being so open here. It sounds like you are feeling isolated and unhappy. Your husband does not seem to give you any attention or spend any time with you.

Depression can be extremely difficult to deal with and it sounds like he uses games to cope with it. Has he seen a mental health professional about his ongoing symptoms?

Also, I would consider going to couples therapy for a situation like this. It is very tricky as your husband is going through depression whilst you are feeling alone. Let me know if this is helpful?

Stay safe and i am always here to chat.

[Croix]

Dear Carla2022~

I guess you have had some pretty good advice already, and I'll not try to repeat it.

I will say as 'the depressed husband' in the past I too wanted to be alone, not out of any sense of rejecting my partner, but simply becuse my mind was so full of the thoughts depression put there that there was no room to deal wiht anyone else.

At the same time it was like I was standing back from myself and observing what I did with no understanding of why. I could not even remember if I was capable of of love - or with whom.

You may take some comfort in the fact as I became better, my depression lessened and in time I returned to being the loving peron I used to be. I do hope it is the same for your husband.

My retreat was isolation and silence, however computer games can be a retreat too. They are a complete world in themselves - a much less taxing one with their own rewards, and even limited interaction with others. Maybe that is a reason your husband has adopted them (I'm guessing I'm afraid)

As others have said the best thing you can do is encourage him to seek professional help. I did not improve, in fact got worse, until I had this.

You are going though a very stressful time and I'd suggest you need support, may I ask if you have anyone to ease your load, a family member or friend perhaps? Trying ot cope in isolation is extra hard.

I hope we can talk again

Croix