Is my ex suffering from a mental health disorder? Broke up with me out of the blue. Completely different person.

[Ella_May]

Hi, this is my first thread. Apologies if I am in the wrong discussion. Six weeks ago my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me, completely out of the blue. Things have been amazing between us, so for him to end it so instantly with no warning signs has completely torn my world in two. He told me he loved me everyday, and the day before we broke up was an amazing day filled with so much love (as normal). The following day we had a squabble over something ridiculous regarding the house we share, and boom-just like that he broke up with me. He uncontrollably cried for 6 hours and couldn’t stop. The next day he woke up and he was a shell of himself. I noticed he was late for work and as I entered the room I found him sat up right, just staring at the walls. He pushed me away from that point onwards saying that he doesn’t have a reason for the breakup - it’s just something doesn’t feel right. He then went to see a psychologist that week - but still insisted I stay far away from him and that I needed to “move on”. He is a doctor, under tremendous pressure all of the time and due to being on call - he has interrupted sleep most nights of the week. I know that he had a manic episode in his late teens which lead to him being on meds for some time. I tried to make him acknowledge that perhaps this could be the case again, but he said he is fine and he feels fine. He refuses to ever see a psychiatrist again...I believe this is because he feels it wouldn’t look good for a doctor to be on meds for a mental health issue. Which breaks my heart. I feel like my boyfriend is in there somewhere...but it’s been 6 weeks and he’s still just so cold. He has shown no empathy towards me or the situation, he’s just switched off like he never knew me in the first place. Has anyone experienced anything similar with regards to these behaviours? I honestly feel in my heart that something has happened psychologically. I’ve also noticed that he has invested a lot of money recently. Which is so unlike him. I feel that may have a connection to the first episode when he was younger of getting involved with businesses and financial investments. But maybe I’m just reading into everything too much? I don’t know what to do, apart from give him the space he asks for. Any advice on this would be appreciated. Big thanks

[white knight]

Hi EM, welcome

It's a tough time for you now.

We cant diagnose and I know you aren't asking us to. I think you are not in a position to get to the root of the problem unless he reveals it. He might have other conclusions like he might have had a bad experience with his psych, maybe his work is threatened by consulting one etc. Its all guessing and he wants to move on. It's tough as it would be grieving for a loved one that passes away.

I've been in similar situations as far as trying to recover from a broken relationship...3 times in fact and all 3 were over 7 years duration. Shattering is the word. So firstly there is a phone number at the bottom of this page if you need to talk to someone...please keep it handy. Next there are some threads here listed you can google. Just read the first posts.

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Topic: relationship split- beyondblue

Topic: rejection it's hard to swallow- beyondblue

Repost on those threads if you like or here in this one. Keep us posted.

Overall it isn't much help but people do things that don't make sense sometimes.

Tony WK

[Anna_Mac]

Hi Ella May, I can't give much advice except to say I'm going through this almost exact same situation at the moment. My boyfriend of 8 years ended our relationship out of the blue in November. He has depression due to family issues and he changed completely, quite withdrawn and snappy before he suddenly broke up with me. He told me a few weeks after that he doesn't even understand why he ended our relationship. He has told friends he is numb inside and although I was a great girlfriend he can't care for anyone else at the moment. I also feel like my boyfriend is still in there somewhere, just can't be reached at the moment because the depression is in charge. I still can't believe how quickly he changed. I'm not giving up hope yet that he will get help for his depression and we can try to reconcile.

All the best.

[Ella_May]

Thank you Tony WK for the links. I will definitely check them out. I appreciate your kind words and understanding...and I’ll definitely keep that number handy.

Anna Mac, I completely understand how you feel. I too hope that one day soon he’ll just snap out of it and be the person I have known and loved for 4 years. But in reality, I know that that will take time...if at all. He may never return to the way he was, and if he does...could we return to the way it was? I would never leave him over a mental health issue, I would just want to help him the best I could...but I almost feel he is in denial, and I cannot help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. We have lived together over 2 and a half years and he just packed his bags and left with no explanation. At this moment in time, the only thing I hope for him is that he is in a mentally stable place, and that him running away was everything that he had hoped it would be. I would not want him to come out of this and think “what have I done”...because that would hurt him even more. I’ve never been so torn in my life. I love this guy with all of my heart, but I’ve never been so hurt, disrespected or disregarded in my life. He is so emotionalless. I’ve never seen this side to him, it’s not even him. I hope you’re ok? People keep telling me time will heal, but is hard to see the optimism in that saying at this moment in time. Take care of yourself and thank you for your words. Makes me feel so not alone.

EM

[Anna_Mac]

Thanks. Yes I'm doing okay, I still feel quite shocked it's happened though. My ex (I hate that word haha) told me after we broke up that he will start online counselling and we may be able to get back together when he feels better. His best friend told me at New Years that he feels very sad and he's unhappy with the situation. So I'm holding onto that at the moment but trying to move on with my life in general.

I'd also never seen this side to him either, he changed so quickly. I only hope he can sort himself out and see how irrationally he acted.

Anyway, I think for both of us it's just one day at a time!

Best of luck.

Anna

[Anna_Mac]

Forgot to mention- there is a website called "Storied Mind", there's one blog about why depressed men leave relationships. Definately worth a read of it and the comments, there are so many women out there just like us.