Is it too much to ask for an apology?

[ChurroCookies]

*Some Backstory* My mum and Dad have been divorced for around 15 year now, my Dad has remarried, my Mum has not.

Anyway, my Dad lives 6 hours away from my mum and I've lived with my mum my whole life, just visiting Dad. And then we stopped seeing my Dad for 6 years and we just re-kindled things about 2 years ago now. Anyway, cause of COVID I can do my studies externally so I decided to spend like 2 months with my Dad. Once I told my mum this however, she lost it and was incredible angry and horrible to me. It has now been 3 months of me being at my Dads with my mum barely talking to me and whenever we do talk I'm the one who initiates it otherwise we won't speak for weeks (Which is what happened in the first 2 months) and every time we talk it ends in a fight via texting. I haven't called my mum in 3 months its only been via text this whole time. And I'm really struggling with it. My heart hurts and I can't stop crying and feeling depressed all the time. But no matter what I do my mum always brings it back to herself.

The not talking to me for basically 2 months started with her ending the conversation/argument saying that I'm the cause of all her problems which is obviously not true and is actually the opposite.

There have been so many times that I've helped my mum out so much so that it was affecting my mental health and then when it finally came to me actually asking her for a little help she refused.

I wish I could just have a constructive conversation with her and sort all of this out but she refuses and always takes things too personally when I'm trying to work through some things then it ends up escalating into an argument.

Anyway, am I asking too much for an apology or should I just try to mend things so we can go back to normal, but I feel like this whole ordeal has left me with an emotional scar in our mother-daughter relationship

Stuff like this has kind of happened before, for example when I was coming back from a trip with my friends she refused to pick me up (I couldn't drive at the time] So, I was forced to stay at my friends house for 2 nights which was really embarrassing until I had to call and then she acted like nothing was wrong and that I was upset for no reason. I was so confused.

Anyway, thoughts? What do you think I should do in this situation? Should I continue to try and talk things out with my mum? Thank you for listening, it helps writing it out like this

[ChurroCookies]

Anyway, my mum has just written to me, I think my brother spoke to her, because she wants to call and sort things out. Thank you anyway, looks like it may be ok.

If anyone else has to go through this too, just try and give them time even if it's excruciating for you, hold your own, don't back down even if you just want to stop the argument, it may be really hard but eventually the other person should come to respect your opinion.

[Sophie_M]

Hi ChurroCookies,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your openness and bravery in sharing such a powerful post. We’re so sorry to hear what’s been going on. This must be incredibly difficult, and it sounds like you really value your relationship with your mum and have done everything you can to get through this.

It’s really important to look after yourself, your mental health and your wellbeing through a time like this. The Beyond Blue counsellors are always here for you on 1300 22 4636, or via webchat here (11am-12amAEDT). There’s also Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or webchat, who could be really good to discuss parental relationships with.

Thanks again for sharing, you never know who might be helped by reading this, so please feel free to update your thread anytime. Hopefully some of our lovely community members will spot it here soon enough and may have some understanding or advice for you.

We hope the call with your mum goes well. Feel free to come back to your thread if you feel comfortable, we’re here to help you work through this.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[quirkywords]

Churrocookies

i am glad things maybe sorting themselves out.

I can relate as the mum and the child.

sometimes as a parent especially after a divorce one worries the child might prefer the other parent. She loves but is upset so unfairly blames you.

sometimes actions and willingness to make things better speak louder than any apology.

As a child you want to love both parents and please them both.
You sound like a very understanding child.

[ChurroCookies]

Quirkywords

Thank you I appreciate your response, I do see what you mean, my mum isn't very good with emotions so I guess her calling me is her way of asking if we can move on.

When she called the other day we just talked about normal things, which was honestly nice because I've been really missing her. Then towards the end I asked if we could talk about everything that's been going on and she avoided it by saying she had to go. I do see that she's not very good at handling these things and while I no longer need an apology I would still like to talk a little bit about what's been going on with her and me so we can address and hopefully solve a few things. 🙂

I feel a lot better about the situation now that we're talking on the phone and I think it will all work itself out.

Thanks Quirkyword's 🙂

[quirkywords]

ChurroCookie

thanks for the update. Your mum wants contact but doesn’t want to go over past t as it would be uncomfortable.

Do you think if you sent an email that is brief maybe saying how much you value and love your mum and always hope you can talk things out.

You know your mum better than anyone, bir she may need time to process what has happened to you both.

I can see talking about it is important to you but I know with my children I often want to move on and concentrate on the present while acknowledging past and any hurt I may have accidentally inflicted on my child.
Feel free to keep posting if you want,