Dear Alcoop~
Welcome here to the Forum. There are may who will understand completely what you are talking about.
Depression seems to not only make things seem hopeless but also affects how we think of ourselves, mainly that we are not worth it. I've very much felt that way.
The fact is that there are people one can talk with, who care enough to try to understand. Not always easy for them if they have never had depression, and therefor have no experience to draw on. However The big thing is if they care. I was lucky enough to have a partner that tried to make me feel loved and supported. She had no real idea of what was in my head, but by trial and error found what worked.
Do you think there is anyone in your life you could talk with? It realy does help a lot. I know you have been hoping someone will break though the barrier and ask how you are, so you can really say. Sometimes that does not happen and you have to the initiative.
It is not all one-sided. If you care about someone you naturally want to help and feel better if you do. Often the problem is in knowing what to do. There is a fear that saying the wrong thing can make matters worse. So it's a bit of an irony, the person with the depression has to let the other know what to do - which normally is just to listen and not offer impractical suggestions.
Not being able to soldier on alone is exactly what one would expect. Illness takes support, both the care of family and friends, and by doctors. You said you have been diagnosed, does that mean you are currently under treatment? I hope so.
It does get better, and you are welcome here anytime
Croix
