Dear Maccyb
Welcome to the forum. I hope we can help you. Before I talk about your husband I want to point you to the Beyond Blue resources. Under the tab The Facts at the top of the page is a drop down list of information. I suggest you look at these, download what you want or send for items you cannot download, no charge. You can see the sort of symptoms and reactions people have when they are clinically depressed. Be assured the information is correct.
Depression is a horrible place to be and unfortunately it is hard to describe to those with no experience of this wretched illness. I know it is a prime cause of separation between couples. It's not that anyone is at fault, it's simply the unpleasant way it works.
You said, he has said he just needs time by himself to clear his head, and this is how it feels. I live alone and when I became depressed it was good to have a place where I did not need to pretend everything was OK. It helped me get through my working day. The difference between your husband and me is that I was getting help and taking medication. Yes I hated taking meds. Society has taught us the any kind of mental illness is shameful, the person concerned needs to get back to work, pull up their socks etc. It just doesn't work like that.
I have no idea if your husband is having an affair. I suggest that coping with his family, the demands at work and trying to see a way out of his depression would allow little left over energy to have an affair. But in reality I don't know. Talking to someone outside the family may be helpful to him, having an affair may be a way of escape from the reality of his depression, I really don't know. Sorry to keep saying that but it is impossible to know just from the information you have provided.
Does your husband take his meds regularly? Is he attending counselling? This is a very important part of his recovery and he needs to go to the sessions.
There have been many posts here on BB about husbands leaving the family home to "get their heads around the depression". Can you provide him with a safe place he to get relief from the demands on his time and energy. A room that is exclusively his, a shed or the proverbial man cave, a sheltered place in the garden. It is important that he has somewhere to be alone if that is possible. And maybe his work colleague is providing his refuge. Once you have read the BB stuff perhaps you can rethink your suspicions. Write in again.
Mary
