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Is Date Night necessary in relationships?

Regine
Community Member

Hi

I feel like crap this morning. Haven't had much sleep since arguing with my partner lastnight.

I know this sounds dramatic but I'm angry & hurt at the fact my partner doesn't seem to want to go on a date night or even plan it. Feels like he dreads the thought of it & is such a mission for him to get on board.

We're currently in a good place. We both agreed we would try & make time for just us & have a date night regularly. I feel its a good way of maintaining growth in our relationship as a couple. He feels we already spend time together at home with our son.

I don't know why but it bothered my he doesn't want to make the effort. I've been crying since lastnight. Am I over reacting? Am I overthinking over a small petty thing?

Why do I feel this way πŸ˜‘

6 Replies 6

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Regine

I understand how you were looking forward to a night and how disappointed you feel now your partner does don’t seem as enthusiastic as you.

Sometimes when someone else suggests something and it seems to become quite a big thing, I feel I am being pressured into it even if I am not.

You say you are currentlymin a good place and you both agreed on the date night then your partner decided that you spend time together with your son and that,was enough

I wonder what changed his mind? Also,it could be seen as a positive as he feels,things are going well so the date night is not needed.

Maybe when you are calm you can talk to your partner about how you feel and why the date night is important to you?

Feel free to post here as much as you like and I am interested in discussing this further.

Quirky

Thanks Quirky for the words of encouragement. He already knows why its important to me & we haven't had a date night in over a year. Feel like he's maybe sick of spending time with me at home that a date night is just too much for him to bear.

It annoys me he always has time to have a few drinks with his mates. I'm still upset & makes me wonder if this is how its going to be for the next 10 yrs or so...

I don't understand why I can't just let this go..

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Regine, thanks for your feedback and explain more about how you feel.

I think sometimes when we cant let something go it is for two reasons " the first being that it is very important to us for a particular reason , the second reason being it me remind us of something from our past that makes a feel a certain way.

I am not sure if you can relate to either of these or you may have you own reason.

Sometimes I wonder if it may not be about the date night but the fact you want to feel special and feel valued and appreciated.

Thanks again,

Quirky

Hi Quirky

Yes that is some of the reasons. But also feel its a way of maintaining growth, passion & getting that spark again. Because 90% of our focus is on our son & lil family.

Don't get me wrong my partner is a hardworking, loving & caring person. Always supports me.

We tried to talk properly after he finished work but I just ended up in tears & he feels I'm not happy & expect so much. So we're being civil atm but no really talking much. I just want time alone with my man whether that's once in a blue moon. I know I just need to let it go & get over myself.

Trying not to let this small thing get in way of something good we have. Or else I'll just end up back in my low emotional state. I've done well so far to get where I am today in a good state of mind. Still I'm work in process. It's a challenge but haven't had depression in 3 months which is a record for me. Gotta keep trekking & not let this override my mental health.

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Regine

With you mentioning growth, spark (inspiration), a work in progress etc, I get where you're coming from.

I'm a firm believer that love in found in evolution. Whether love is expressed through the process of personal evolution (self love) or it is expressed through mutual evolution between 2 people, I believe it all relates to stimulating a sense of connection to life itself.

Whether we're adding ventures (adventuring) or indulging in positive forms of recreation (aka re-creation), if there's a natural longing to move forward and our partner doesn't share that same degree of longing, there can be conflict. In agreeing to help our selves and each other experience growth we can find a common promise. Whilst one person's idea may not click with their partner, it remains important for both people to work on finding various ways to mutually grow, together.

I really do get where you're coming from, as I'd spent many years in depression before finally escaping it. There is incredible value in constantly evolving beyond our current identity at any given time. It is an ongoing process throughout the whole of our life and unless we have the tamed mind of a Zen monk, there will be many ups and downs through mastering this process. By the way, my husband is a beautiful person who is happy with 'comfortable': He is happy for us just to be together, to sit and watch TV together and 'grow old together'. As I mentioned to him, I interpret this as experiencing no adventure, no constructive growth and no form of re-creation as we grow old before we eventually die. Yes, a harsh interpretation. Regine, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to hold the hand of someone you love as you both explore the exciting path that holds many forms of growth.

It's definitely a challenging process, discovering our most authentic self. I personally find that one of the best ways of staying out of a depression involves self questioning. Often, some good questions to ponder are 'What are my reasons for my current beliefs? Do they need tweaking in order for me to grow beyond them? Why am I experiencing discomfort; what is the discomfort, anger, sadness and/or frustration really telling me? Am I actively seeking to evolve in productive ways or am I simply wishing things would change?'

Mentioning to your partner that you are seeking ways for the both of you to evolve/grow together may prompt him to begin thinking outside the square, offering ideas.

Keep on evolving πŸ™‚

Regine
Community Member

Hi therising,

Thankyou for your feedback. You mentioned valid points that I will look into & think about. Yes I would like to grow & evolve as a couple. I guess in a sense its kind of a way of continuously building our relationship on a strong foundation whilst evolving.

Appreciate the advice. It's good getting different feedback from others who have similar & diverse experiences. Makes me realise I'm not alone.

I'll write & reflect on what you mentioned about self questioning. Probably come out better written on paper than verbally.

Cheers