Insomnia/relationship issues

[Summer83]

Heya,

Just wanting some help. I worry about myself when I don't sleep for a while as I have had psychosis a few times in the past.

This week I was on too much of a high - I started a new relationship a few months ago and on Sunday felt like I'd just reached a point of falling for him pretty hard. My attraction to him had been building and it felt like it had tipped over into something quite strong. I was really excited and happy.

On Wednesday things fell apart when he told me what was going on in his week. Monday night he only slept 3 hours - I had the naivete to think maybe it was because of a similar excitement to me but it was because he found out his ex got engaged. He also said something about not bringing me to a party with his friends because he was at that same party last year with his ex. Apparently she had borderline personality disorder and was cheating on him.

I don't want yet another relationship to fall apart - there's so much promise in this one - but I don't know how to preserve my dignity. I have this fierce pride that won't let me stay with someone who isn't over their ex. He doesn't want to be with her, in fact he's very angry at her, but he isn't over her.

[white knight]

Hi summer welcome

With some people, and I'm one, the old flame temain prominent in my mind until I've really moved on and thats only when I've fallen in love again.

everyone is different but his ex is still fresh in his mind, he's hurt and needs to heal.

This doesnt mean that relationship still has a chance. It means not enough time has passed to no longer worry about it.

Enjoy his company. Let him heal.

Tony WK

[Croix]

Dear Summer83~

May I say I think Tony has the right of it. If I look inside myself I find great feelings and love for my wife of 20 years, and love still for my first wife who passed away after 25. Truth be known there is a smattering of affection for my first girlfriend of fifty-something years ago.

It does not mean anything about my current relationship, and I'm sure my wife, who similarly lost her first partner, would harbour similar feelings.

Humans are not devices that switch their emotions on and off. In the case of your friend there is more than just love, but injured pride, betrayal and other deep hurts to repair.

If I was in you shoes - yes I know I'm not and it is easy for me to say - I'd be patient and help him forget, or at least put the past out of his everyday thoughts. See what happens. His feelngs for you, if genuine, will superceed his preocupation with history.

As an aside I do not know the circumstances but if I were the gentleman concerned I'd either take you to the party or not go - out of consideration for you.

Please feel free to come back and say how you feel about this

Croix

[geoff]

hello Summer, your new partner had a g/friend who had 'borderline personality disorder and was cheating on him' and is now engaged, well they woud never live together again, so how would you feel if it wasn't his ex, maybe an ex boss, landlord or bank manager would the situation be any different?
A r/ship always has their ups and downs and yes I was upset when my ex lived with someone else so quickly after our divorce but I couldn't do anything about it, sure I was perplexed but we couldn't live together again, but try and take his mind off it and tell him that you're not interested in what his ex is doing, so he has a choice worry about something he can't change or enjoy his new r/ship with you. Geoff.