Infidelity and PND

[JoeyUpp]

I have recently discovered my partner contacted and caught up with an ex, he says it’s was nothing more than a coffee and some text messages however after cheating in the past he knows this would be unacceptable to me.
Our baby was 8 weeks old when it happened. He says he was suffering from PND at the time, knows it was the wrong thing to do and is very remorseful. I know he was really struggling when our baby was little and I wish I had done more for him at the time.

Has anyone had any experience with this? While PND definitely does not excuse the behaviour it does give me some insight as to how he was feeling and his emotional state at the time.

[geoff]

Hllo JoeyUpp, I'm sorry for what's happened as I too also suffered from PND.

If he has cheated on you before then it's not really acceptable for him to contact his ex and wonder what he'd do if his ex had a baby if they were still together, never the less there are other avenues he could have contacted rather this ex, because she, in turn, may be thinking exactly what I've just said.

PNDA is available for men with PND 1300 726 306 where he can discuss how he feels in a better way than talking to his ex and provide him with guidance as this illness can readily happen with the arrival of a new baby.

This was not available when I had it unfortunately, and as much as you want to help him, which is good, you still need to look after your baby as well as yourself.

You can discuss this with the nurses who would have seen this happen many times before and offer you some suggestions, but try and get your partner to have a talk with his doctor, who can then direct him to different other avenues for support.

Please let us know how you get on.

Geoff.

[JoeyUpp]

Hi geoff

Thank you so much for your response. I’m sorry you also suffered from PND.

I wish I had’ve known PNDA was available at the time, thank you so much for providing this resource. When it all happened I was so busy looking after myself and baby I failed to really acknowledge how much he was suffering.

In your response you talk about nurses who would’ve seen this happen many times before. Firstly how do I contact the nurses? And secondly, it sounds like this behaviour is quite common when suffering from PND, would that be accurate to say?

Thanks again geoff

[geoff]

llo JoeyUpp, thanks for getting back to us, you need to remember it's an enormous job for you when you become a new mum and of course your baby is a priority, just as trying to adjust to the new hours you need to maintain as you adapt to the change of routine and it's so unpredictable so you can't blame yourself.

When you have check ups with the nurses '6 week checkup after birth Australia', may be there is a phone number for emergencies you could ring and discuss this with the nurses.

People react differently when a baby is born, it's about trying to adjust to a new baby and change of routine, some males go the pub, while others seek advice from other sources, but doing it with an ex doesn't seem to be appropriate, as he can always talk with the nurses or his doctor.

Take care.

Geoff. x

[Petal22]

Hi JoeyUpp ,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im sorry that your husband did this and that he’s suffering with PND.

Geoff has given you some great advice and insight.

I suffered with Postnatal Anxiety and Parental OCD after both of my pregnancies I seeked help from my gp and was referred to a postnatal clinic.

At the postnatal clinic I saw a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist.

These clinics sometimes have a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist who run out of the same practice who understand these conditions.

Maybe your husband could see his gp and be referred to a clinic or someone who specialises in these conditions.

[geoff]

Hello JoeyUpp, I have to apologise for my previous reply in welcoming you as my portable keyboard didn't spell Hello properly and I didn't check it, sometimes when I press a key it doesn't print, and waiting for a new portable k/board to arrive.

Best wishes.

Geoff.