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Im ruining my relationship

Community Member

I recently had a miscarriage and than my partner and i moved house. And we have been arguing almost non-stop since. And its becoming such a strain on our relationship.

And i struggle so much he is reaching out to a female he works with which i feel jealous and threatened by. I dont have anyone to talk to and im so down and so alone. But my partner doesnt seem to care no matter how down i get how much i try to tell him in such a dark place, nothing is ever said or done to ensure my safety. And because i try to keep it together all the time, it comes out in little outbursts of anger or 5-10 seconds worth of crying. So the smallest thing can set me off so im whinging to my partner alot. When ive calmed down i always apologise but lately its becoming longer and longer until i calm down.

It might be silly of my to think this way but im worried he will get with this female friend at work and leave me...

I just dont know what to do, i dont want to lose him but i dont know what i can do to stop arguing with him....

4 Replies 4

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Dragmedown, I'm so sorry for what you have been through and now the difficulty with your partner but understand how you must feel when he's reaching out to this other female.

This would certainly be a worry because I'm sure he would be telling her things that won't be talked about with yourself.

When you cry that's a cry for help but not sure why you have to apologise, I know this would depend on the situation, but you're asking for help from your partner who isn't responding.

Can I suggest that you try and build up your strength by talking with a psychologist, and you can have 10 free sessions on a mental health plan which your doctor will give you.

You need to confirm any trust issues and once this is done then you might feel better because any arguments could be all about this other girl.

Sometimes what can happen is that people reach out to someone else for an opinion.

Best wishes.


Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Dragmedown

I feel great sorrow for those who have experienced a miscarriage; I am sorry for your loss. It can sometimes be a lonely time when others don't understand the grief involved in such a loss. Personally, my husband communicated his feelings of helplessness after my miscarriages (which I appreciated) whilst he supported me as much as he could. This was all more than 14 years ago and still I think about my 2 early stage miscarriages but I reassure you the thoughts are fleeting ones and without the grief. Communication is a major factor between partners, when it comes to honest feelings after the experience of a loss (of expectation regarding the future). If the productive communication is not there, it can be a super lonely experience. Moving house can also present a lot of emotional stress as you would know, especially if there's one in the partnership doing much of the work (packing and organising etc).

The above leads me to ask some questions:

  • Have you been dealing with much of the grief and moving on your own and, if so, do you harbor some resentment toward your partner because of this?
  • Have you thought of ways to draw your partner into constructive communication (regarding your feelings)?
  • Could your partner be feeling some loss and stress of his own but a little too frightened to communicate his feelings honestly? For example, although he may have felt some sense of loss, he might also be feeling like you should have moved on from the miscarriage by now but is too afraid to say. If he was honest, this could open up a productive conversation where you could express ways for him to help you move through the grief. In other words, instead of managing separately, you could manage to move on together. If this is a genuine concern of his, this may explain why he's drawn to someone else to talk to and not you.

Moving through grief is a gradual process. It can contain moments of loneliness, questioning, helplessness and darkness among other things. I am glad you have come to the forum in search of a little light regarding this challenge you're going through. As you begin to look forward to new endeavors, these endeavors will further light the way ahead. In the meantime, honest and calm communication may be all that's needed in order to bring you closer together. Set some time aside to listen to each other carefully and with an open mind as you manage to work together.

Take care of yourself D

I have been dealing with the grief and most of the moving by myself. But i do not hold any resentment towards my partner, just resentment towards myself.

And i have, the other night we were having an argument and i asked him if he called lifeline and he said no i dont want to talk to a stranger and than i said well i had to talk to a stranger. And i have tried several times before that.

And I am not holding onto the pain of the miscarriage well consciously, as this is my second one with him and 3rd one in total plus because of the move i got over it pretty quick because i knew i didnt have the time to dwell on it. But my partner and i seem to be talking more, so thats helping a lot. Just hope it keeps going that way.

Hi Dragmedown, it's good that you are talking more and there's nothing wrong with talking to a stranger, they are unbiased and can look at your situation in whole.

What I'm worried about is how you will be in a few months, so please look after yourself and get all the counselling you need.