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I try to make friends but only get rejections
I was in a long term relationship that has recently ended. Within this relationship, I (stupidly) pushed away the friends I did have and gave my all to this girl. Now that it has ended, I feel as if there is nobody to call my "tribe."
I really struggle with social anxiety, however have a need for human interaction and social relationships that just don't seem to want to appear.
I have tried to make friends through work, through my regular cafe, and by using online forums but each time I put myself out there, I only get rejected and this is leading me to believe I am going about it the wrong way. I try to adapt my strategies to initiate some form of conversation, but they all seem to fail.
I'm nearly 26 and realize that making friends once your an adult can be difficult for everybody, and also that most people my age either have their tribes already formed, or are focused on their careers or creating a family.
I guess I am posting this with the hope that somebody out there has some ideas or suggestions as to how to go about making friendships once your grown. If anyone has any advice, I'd be forever grateful.
Thanks for reading this if you have, and if you have an idea, I'm all ears!
Thank you Beyond Blue world,
Nice to meet you. I can assure you, you're not alone.. There are a bunch of people here working on the same problem. I reckon you're right, it seems to be getting harder. But I have to believe it's just a matter of putting ourselves out there until we find people we click with.
Personally, I'm working on the shared interests strategy. So, going through my list of hobbies and interests and seeking clubs for such things to find people that I have something in common with. I've only really launched into it seriously a few weeks ago, so I'll let you know how it turns out lol.
FWIW, there are a great bunch of people you've found here. And chatting with those who get what you're going through can really take the edge off those feelings of isolation. It's been keeping my spirits up while I search for my new tribe.
Hope to catch you around the site again. Cheers,
Welcome to bb and thank you for sharing your story. You are spot on, making friends once you're an adult is difficult. But it's not impossible with a little effort.
I like Sharky Bill's "shared interest strategy" and I know that it works. You can expand clubs to include volunteer work, which provides interaction and a reason for bonding. BB often needs volunteers to assist at events and with other matters, maybe this is something you could consider? Have a look on the bb website for current opportunities.
I also want to suggest getting to know your neighbours. There are always opportunities to say g'day, which can lead to conversations. You could also try extending a hand in friendship. Sometimes a friendship can start by just volunteering to collect their mail or put out their bins when you know someone is on holidays or by popping in to check on people who may be vulnerable. I now have a lovely friendship with an elderly couple who live on my court, which started with me inviting them to come into my air conditioned home on hot days. You get the idea.
I'm also wondering if you have a dog or if you would consider a dog for a pet? Just asking because I've always had a dog and it's amazing what good friends dogs are to people. They also provide a reason to get out and about walking in your community and this inevitably leads to meeting people. Dog parks are a great place to meet others.
Lastly, don't over look your local community centre. You might be surprised by the interesting events and offerings available and once again there's a great opening to meet a like minded person.
And maybe you might like to try reconnecting with your old friends again. You may not have had luck in the past but you never know what was going on in their lives at the time you made the approach. A lukewarm response might not have been about you at all. Just a thought.
Kind thoughts to you
Hey Skary Bill, thanks for taking the time to read and share your thoughts!
It is definitely something I have considered, however I struggle to want to expose myself to new things with my anxiety being where it's at at the moment. But I guess one of the best ways to overcome it is to stare it straight in the face and keep trying.
I hope finding like minded people through these activities does show some good results for you! I'd be interested to know how you go so please do share 🙂
Good luck mate!
Hi Summer Rose, thank you for your response too!
I like the idea of volunteering, I think helping others is a positive way to help yourself, so this is definitely something I will look into.
As for the dog, I have two. They are my babies and my best mates. Unfortunately, my current financial situation has rendered the need for me to find them an alternative home - I suppose this is adding to the severity of my feelings of loneliness.
I'm glad that you have made connections within your neighborhood, it's comforting to know that there are options for putting yourself out there.
With my previous friendships, I fear that time may have run it's course and that they have grown to want different things out of their friends, and that that may be something that I cannot give them at this time. However, I guess there is no harm in trying again? Worst that can happen is that they reject the offer and I stay in the same situation as I am now. But yes, I do need to keep trying to move forward, and that can only be done by actively putting myself out there.
Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions, you have certainly given me some options to consider.