- Beyond Blue Forums
- Caring for myself and others
- Relationship and family issues
- I need to safely get out of an online relationship...
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Printer Friendly Page
I need to safely get out of an online relationship with a narcissist.
Firstly by having OCD it's going to take a lot of courage to break this feeling, but it can be done and we certainly want it to for your safety.
I'm sorry that you must have been lonely to try for an online r/ship, because what these people say are mostly either good points or they are telling a lie to catch you, but don't blame yourself for this, what we have to do is get you out of this toxic r/ship.
You must block him on your phone as well as on facebook, your friends will know that he is telling them strange stories, but what I would do is privately contact your friends on facebook and explain part of why they should also block him, tell them as much as you want, but definitely ask them NOT to give out your new phone number if you decide to change it, but you can still block his phone call, I've done this a couple of times.
If any mail comes to your house by him, send it 'back to sender' and be aware of any registered mail that you're not expecting, let APost send it back when you don't pick it up.
Don't answer any calls before you can do any of these suggestions and don't let him manipulate you. Geoff.
Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.
Before I start I just want to note that you shouldn't feel guilty. How were you to know the type of man he could be? I think if anything that what you're experiencing is a strength; because you've not only identified that the relationship is toxic (most people don't want to admit that) but that you also want to leave and prioritise your own self-care.
I agree with Geoff in that blocking him is the right thing to do, but I think first it's important to sort out how he might react. You mentioned using your private chats against you? How do you think he would do that? What information does he have about you; Facebook/Twitter/IG/Email/Skype? Does he know where you live?
Ending toxic relationships is difficult but I really think that it's easiest to do it at once and be thorough; so once you know all the outcomes/possible ways of contact, you can make sure that you are completely ready so as to be safe, and then only after that; you can put it all aside and focus on your future.
Hope this helps
Can I advise you to ignore any dubious offers he may send to you or try and set up for you, that's just like dangling the carrot in front of you, because what he says now if he realises you are trying to cut him off is that he may promise the world to you, where in fact it's all b*****t.
Stand your ground and please take care. Geoff.
Thanks for your post and I appreciate you getting back to us.
Yes; having read through your other posts I can see how unhealthy the relationship has become and how demeaning he can be and has been towards you and other women on the Internet. I'm glad that you can see you're doing the right thing by working on ending this relationship.
I'm worried because it seems he has many personal details about you including internet, friends, phone numbers and home address. There is a real risk with safety especially in the stages of breaking up/ending the relationship. This is often why DV workers recommend leaving the relationship quickly and swiftly; because the person is more at risk in that stage and more likely to be manipulated. Many women actually take a long time to leave their relationships because it can be so hard to 'get out'. This can still happen in online relationships. As for the backlash, often there's backlash whether you leave slowly or quickly. Some men may pick up that you're drifting away early and try and 'control' it. Having said all this though; you know what's best for you.
I actually really recommend trying to take additional steps to work on your safety anyway; maybe that could be changing passwords regularly on your email/social networking accounts or deactivating them; looking at getting additional security on your house, blocking numbers etc. Even if you feel these steps aren't necessary or even seem silly, (like the likelihood of you needing this) it can be effective in helping you to feel safe and move on in the future.
It may even be helpful to look at seeing a counsellor. I can see it's really taking it's toll on you, as it would on anybody - but having a counsellor can really help in having that additional support. I know that you mentioned having OCD and query Bipolar so in a sense it can be helpful to be mindful of this and trying to have the best mindset in such a difficult situation.
Hope this helps
I'm so sorry this has happened to you, it must be hard to have your hopes dashed that this guy could be the one like that. And now you have to worry about how he'll react to this. Like you said, the good thing is that he is a million miles away and you can make him disappear by closing the laptop lid! I know it's a pain, but is shutting down your social media accounts an option? My sister unfriended her ex-husband and then changed her profile name to make her harder to find, is this something you could do? You can also block peoples numbers on your iPhone, or I had Vodafone send a threatening letter once. And don't forget, if things ever get out of hand, you can always go to the police and they'll put a stop to it. You're not alone, this actually happens to a lot of people, sad to say, and there's always an answer x